Damnation

Reflecting on some things

Damnation

Life, it’s beautiful,

But what’s beauty worth, when it’s been stripped of it's innocence?

We were sworn to silence, and so our silence will not be broken,

but there are those who feel the need to speak what was asked of us to never be spoken,

We’ve walked these streets everyday -we have to,

Dreams now filled with violence and hate, of past hurts,

And past rapes, I hear the screams echo against my skin,

 my flesh cools,

As across my vision blood pools, immobilizing me with

Scenes of war; ancient blood feuds,

Where the earth wasn't safe for Satan himself,

Where all were damned, where humanity fell........

Author's Note

Just thinking about how bad our world is getting

Reviews

[-inactive now-]

I reckon where the world is now can't be that much worse than where it was during the world war eras and hundreds of years before then, only difference now we know about much more of the bad s**t that goes on than what ordinary people did back then because we're globally connected by media. The worst times are still yet to come...
Anyway I loved your poem it was well written and I will be reading more of your work, I've found it rather intriguing thus far.
Thanks for adding me too :)

[Ink Seductress]

Thank you! And yes i'd have to agree with you on that one; The worse IS yet to come..

[Michael C. Knightly]

Very dark, yet dreamy.

[Jeff Maine]

I rarely read poetry because I usually "don't get it".....but I get this!! Thanks! I agree....it's a great reflection on how bad our world is getting (or actually is right now it seems sometimes).

[ANTO]

Hiya Niyia this is powerful telling

the format is fine and lends itself to narration more than left justified I feel.
I'd drop the 'cause' in favour of a hyphen to give
"We've walked these streets everyday - we have to." - unless the style of the word is necessary to communicate something about the speaker. The hyphen adds a punch.

Could I suggest that this be rearranged
"I hear the screams echo,
Resounding against my skin, my flesh cools," - I think my skin and my flesh and too similar to be so close
How about;
"I hear the screams echo against my skin, resonating;
my flesh cools,"

I think the use of a comma with 'and' here is together is unnecessary
"Scenes of war, and ancient blood feuds" - both could be replaced with an impactful semi-colon thus
"Scenes of war; ancient blood feuds" - let the reader do the linking in their head.

Lastly (you'll be glad to hear Niyia - sorry) - is use of from in the penultimate line
- would for be more descriptive - giving
"Where the Earth wasn't safe for Satan himself," eat- a place not safe for even Satan is quite a place !! lol

Great phrases throughout and very good writing Niyia.
:)

[Ink Seductress]

Thanks for a pleasant critique. like i said it's always good to hear from you. :D I also agree with everything, I'm always looking to better my work. Thanks!

[Olumegbon]

This is very deep, interesting poem. Love it

[Rob Santana]

Raw and full of truth and insanity. Our world is headed for a huge train wreck. well written.

[Jeremiah Cook]

The opening rhetorical question and first few lines about The oath of silence that we are sworn to uphold really drew me in and demanded that I read on.

[Ink Seductress]

Thank you :)

[Jeremiah Cook]

You are very talented.

[Baby Ricochet]

This is quite a powerful piece. Well done.

[J.M. Santós]

Very powerful.. It makes one think - how selfish us as a people must be to let such a beautiful mother earth down the way we are.. Hopefully we are enlightened sooner than later and are able to come together as one to right all of our wrongs. Thank you for sharing, Niyia!

[Sami Khalil]

I like your poem and reflections. Excellent...:)..............

[Ink Seductress]

Thank you :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome.....:)........

[BennyBooth]

Very nice.. opposite of what I usually read but I liked it all the same! Nice work...

[Ink Seductress]

Thank you :)

[R Smith]

And boy did you nail how bad it is Niyia, strong words here Satan himself who I see walking this world everyday your poem conjures up a painting by Hieronymus Bosch with all the sin and decadence of immorality on his canvas, your poem is of equal value to that art and one I would like in my library, thank you for this.