The Inner Workings

A collection of thoughts that flow through a never ending whirlwind in my mind.

Constantly lost in thought

Never sure of when to stop

Fast paced and chaotic

I'm oh so frantic.

 

Overwhelming my senses

Bringing down my defenses

A powerful notion

Like an engulfing ocean

Ever changing like the seasons

I'm lost beyond reason

 

Constantly I feel over runned

And nothing seems to get done

There never seems to be an end in sight

Especially during the late hours of night

 

Every moment is a blur
A constant whirl

I'm a victim of the mind
Always trapped within time

 
Overloading my brain always

Those thoughts that take over my days.

Never sure of when they shall halt

Yes constantly I'm lost in thought.

Author's Note

Forgive the punctuation errors...I just needed to write and let those chaotic thoughts of mine flow out. Revisions occured on June 28th, 2008.

Reviews

[Ebs]

It is so obvouis here how you are feeling. The structure of the poem help the poem show how your thoughts are frantic and choatic. I really liked the little ryhmes in the poem though not all the poem rhymed. It's very well written. My fav part is:
Every moment is a blur
A constant whirl
I'm a victim of the mind
Always trapped within time

It really shows how the thoughts are whirling around,
loved it

ebs

[Word Mutiny]

I found myself nodding my head from start to finish. this is a VERY good piece. the title just says it all, this is what we go threw and this is what we don't tell (i say "we" b/c i so closely relate to every word you said)
i mostly liked how you expressed the vulnerability of being "lost in thought" by saying it brought down your defenses and that you're a victim of the mind.
:)

[Lynzid]

I like this because it clear that the voice you are writing about is not just worried about the everyday pressures of life, this voice is a creative person. I especially like the "Constantly I feel over runned" stanza.

The only critical question I have is about a lot the over use of stop. In one way it really works because it feels like repition of "stop, stop, stop" in the voices head in a choatic way. If this is what you are going for you should empthasize it more throughout the poem. If this is not what you intended then you should find another word instead of stop in the second line of the last stanza. Sorry if this is too bossy, on the other writers community I have been on we are encouraged to ctritque.

What is best about this peom is that it is easy to relate to.

[darkgurl]

I know this feeling, I like this well empacted emotional write, well written. You have some talent