Reflection

A writing of words that reflects the inner thoughts of my mind at the present moment.

The time has come for me to voice my thoughts, put them into words, and let the pain buried deep inside escape finally.

 

Pain is such a gruesome emotion to feel. It can kill every ray of hope in a heartbeat and wipe away the smiles that once were there. Not only does it bring about a cloud of darkness in our lives but it rips the shreds of any chance at joy that we may possess. Almost always it feeds on our deepest fears and drinks in the tears. No remorse is shown, no leniency is given. We are plagued to withstand its constant torture. Never once do we get the chance to breathe in a sigh of relief. It keeps us down and over powers our body with such agonizing jolts of disdain for our own lives.

 

Such is how I feel now. A strong disdain for the last few events that have taken place in my world. Hating all this new found pain that seems to consume my very essence. Dark undertones can be heard in my speech and all I long to do is scream at the top of my lungs in question. Why?! Why must this be happening to me? I had found what would be the only true happiness in my life and soon it was torn from my hands without any remorse. Yanked away were my smiles and soon I felt a knife slash into my heart as the tears began to flow. Uncontrollable it was at first and yet still I believe it is now that I've gotten a few days to understand it better. No answers have yet been presented to me and constantly I question the heavens above.

 

Some say this is a test, that it will not last long. Oh how wrong they are. No matter if it be a test or punishment, I know this trial in my life will be long. The days will feel like months and every minute that ticks away will feel like an eternity in this gloomy world I now live in. A constant ache in my heart will be there, no matter how hard I try. This test will certainly take the best of me and turn it into something hopeless. I can feel my strength flowing out of my body as the time lingers on while I cry in sorrow. My former being slowly turning into a person I had vowed never to be, a weakling.

 

Just knowing I am going weak as this pain continues to take over my body kills me. I hate the fact that I can't seem to push through the aches and hellish nights like I should be. There is no need for it one bit and nor should I allow it as I have. I should be smiling and supporting myself until that day comes when the ray of sunlight streams upon my face. The day my smiles return and once more love consumes my very being. When the butterflies return and never ending dreams come true. I don't want no more nightmares, I just want air breathed back into my lungs and the images of bliss returning with his kiss.

 

Pain. A torture of my heart I feel everyday now. But.. what if I fight back? Stop the rain from falling about me. Stand tall and strong no matter how much I am crying on the inside. Let myself beat this test and over come the hardships it has given me. Yes pain is powerful but the notion to pull through it is even stronger. I don't want to be pain's toy and no longer do I want it to play about with my emotions. Standing tall while I try to live on without him is what I need to do. Yes I will never fully lose the pain but maybe eventually it will numb away. Numb away and bring about a brighter day. A day I will pray for to come.

 

Yes it is going to be tough but I've got motivation enough. I will not let pain tie my down and drain my life. I will do my best to pull through. Do my best to just push it aside while I wait for the test to end.

 

I will do my best to give my best...never going to let the fighter inside me rest.

Author's Note

This is written in response to my current nature, pain has consumed me as I endure the departure of my beloved boyfriend while he is locked up. Please forgive me for any misspelled words but a heart that aches can't help but be flawed when it comes to expressing said feelings into words.

Reviews

[Zane Mathias]

WOW i have felt like this befor as still so now in someway. that pain never really goes away just numbs up a bit. I actually wrote a poetry book based off the feelings to help others BP of dreams & pride. But what ever you do do not blame the heavens and dont let the hellious have the glory of hearing you blame them. Life is Life it does not always give back as much as it takes but if we dont look at the little that it does give then we have nothing in the end. Great write full of emotion and sincarity. B.P.

[An Open Venue]

I can only hope that the months have brought some perspective to your situation; some direction; some joy in the journey.

Ven

[Ebs]

This is so deep. I can see how much you are hurting and i feel it too. The words take me to where you are and how you are feeling. it draws me in. It is so sad but at the same time it is brillant. Just the way you express the feelings are so... I'm not sure which word to use. but i know I loved reading it.
Great job. Dont ever stop writing!

ebs

[Colleen C Dunphy]

Welcome to the cafe, thank you for being so honest.