Into the Depths

“All contestants please take to the dining room, and be seated. The meal is to be served.”

A loud male voice preaches over the intercom, and I feel myself jump. The moment lost, as are the last notes of Matthew’s song lingering in the air. I sigh shaking my head as I pull away from him.

“Nothing good lasts forever, right?” I murmur savoring the last few seconds of constant contact. 

“Correct.” He smiles, a taste of bitterness in his voice. We hold hands as we leave the sanctuary of the room and make our way back down the hallway. Releasing hands, as we reach the dining hall. It is unspoken, that we will sit together. We find a table where Kail is sitting, talking to Connor, a close friend of Matt’s. Her face is flushed, eye bright and she’s talking animatedly. I feel a certain pain in my chest, and I feel myself praying that even if I don’t make it out, Kail will. There’s no way, I can deal with the idea of my beautiful best friend dying. There’s no way it could happen. Nothing good in the world would will it. We sit, I’m next to Kail, we’re sitting so close our shoulders are touching. The familiar contact, keeps me calm. Matt slides into the seat next to me, keeping eye contact. 

I feel a burning deep in my chest as people file in. People I know. People I’ve never spoken a single word to. It feels wrong to know that we’ll be fighting for our lives in little less than twenty-four hours. One girl in specific catches my eye. She can’t be older than twelve. She’s got these dark circles under her eyes that age her more than wrinkles possibly could. Her eye lashes are surprisingly dark, considering the  blonde color of her hair. Her eyes are the warmest shade of honey brown I’ve ever seen. Her face is an emotionless mask as she makes her way through the crowd, face completely blank. She’s wearing a soft yellow dress, her hair pulled back from her eyes. Not a trace of make-up on her sweet little face. I can feel my heart going out the girl. I can imagine her family, crying deep tears at the loss of the little girl. A thick silver locket hangs down around her neck, the pendant hitting just about her hip. It’s large and oval. I can’t help but wonder what’s in it.

I feel Matt’s eyes trained on me, and I realize I must have dropped a facial expression as a hint to what I’m feeling. I glance up, training my eyes away from the girl to meet Matt’s gaze. He’s got a sad, fond look upon his face. I turn my lips up in a half smile as food is brought to our table. Somehow, throughout the course of the meal, Matt and I end up holding hands beneath the table. With every soft touch of his hand on mine, I can feel a fire ignite in my veins. It’s silly, I shouldn’t feel this way, not now. I’ve known him for nine years. Since the day I met him, I felt that he was my choice.

Grey eyes, and a crooked smile are all I can see. I look up from my place on the ground, knees pulled up to my chest. A hand is outstretched in front of me. A mess of coppery brown curls flops into those gorgeous grey eyes of his. 

“What do you want?” I sigh assuming the outstretched hand in front of me is a trick. I’ve already got in one fight today, I don’t need to get into another. 

“You’ve got a black eye, and you’re bleeding.” He replies with a shrug not yet standing up to his full height, and I can tell he is bigger than me. My heart is pounding like a drum. What can he possibly want? He lowers himself so he is now kneeling in front of me, hand still outstretched. His face is kind.

“C’mon. I’ll help you clean up.” His voice is gentle, and soft. The kind of voice that should be singing lullabies. It’s the look in his eyes that makes me do it. I grab his hand, feeling sparks run up my arm. And I trust him. Without reason. He drags me into a bathroom, and I hop up onto a sink. He wets a wash cloth and starts gently wiping away the blood, first from my lip, and then from the gash on my forehead. He brushes his finger over my cheekbone in a touch so light, that I know it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life. 

“My name’s Matthew.” He whispers tossing the bloody rag into the trashcan and standing in front of me. He’s very tall, even with the additional height of the sink added on. 

“Cassidee.” I murmur suddenly very self-conscious. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and fold my hands neatly in my lap. A smile graces his features, and I can feel my heart pounding.

“Beautiful.” He blushes, as if the words weren’t supposed to leave his lips. And I swear to God, that in that moment, my heart stopped beating. I lick my still sore lip, and blush eyes gluing themselves to my hands. I can hear a small voice in my head, repeating a simple phrase over and over again. Oh, it’s him. And I know that he’s my choice. If I had a choice.

His eyes are what bring me back to reality. I breathe deeply, mentally storing the memory for a later date, if there is one. There’s so much food, of endless variety that I feel suffocated by it. The conversations whir around me in a chaotic melody of lies. I can feel my shoulders begin to tense. It’s not right, the pretending. You shouldn’t send children into the depths of despair, and in reality, that’s what we are. Simply children. I can feel aching in my chest, growing as the night wears on. People end up dancing again, and my eyes are glued to the little girl in the yellow dress. Her eyes are trained on the dance floor, as if planning a strategy, as if making a last ditch attempt at planning. What hits me hard, is that she probably is.

The night continues, and people crowd around our table. Starting conversations that I feel no desire to be part of. Matt’s grey eyes are on me again, for the hundredth time tonight.

The rest of the night passes by in a blur of color. Words are thrown in my direction, well-wishing and I can barely comprehend. A symphony of lies are poured out into my ears from the people I call friends. All I can think about is the little girl in the yellow dress, how she’s going to be thrown into something she probably can’t handle. I feel so bad, all at once.  It doesn’t seem fair. People begin to fade, climbing the stairs and retiring to their perspective rooms.

Kail and I end up in our room, not half an hour later. Dresses discarded on the floor, they’ll never be worn again. I lay in bed, too cold for words and stare blankly at the ceiling. At one point, Kail climbs into my bed. She’s scared, so am I. I sing, softly. Words of strength.

I am a citizen of the planet

From simple roots through high vision

I am guarded by the angels

My body guides the direction I go in