See the Forrest but for the Trees

Cover image by angstfool11 (http://angstfool11.deviantart.com/)

Sometimes I wake alone in the darkness and for the briefest of moments I imagine that this is our place, a space we share. But as I rouse myself I know that the only place the will ever be ours is in my head and in my back seat. On mornings like that I wonder if you ever will read what I write to you; about you. I wonder if some mornings you wake covered in sweat and remember the fleeting moments we shared in the heat of a young summer. I wonder if you regret getting on that plane and leaving town; leaving me. I wake and I wonder about what could have been, what should have been if I had been honest; if only I had pursued excitement and butterflies, instead of the calm and secure life I'd been living. What if? 

Now, to me, you are a memory. A bitter sweet taste on my tongue of a summer long past and a love that never was. But still I wonder if some days you awake alone in your room, the spot beside you warm still from anothers body and hope, wish that it was me that would come back to bed from the other room when you call and reach out your hand. I wonder if you too ever forget and allow yourself the meshing of the moment and the memories; look at another yet catch a glimpse of my face, hear my laugh around a corner just out of sight and rush to see if it is me. I want to know if you see parts of me in the people around you, if I have left any impact on you, any small part of me in your heart. 

I have for so long now held tightly to what little of you I have left even though I know it shall bear no fruit. You are gone, and in your wake you left nothing for me, nothing that could remain and shine in the darkness when I cry for you. Yet still I wonder if you miss me like I still miss you.