Left my Heart in San Francisco but My Money in Las Vegas

An Insider's Glimpse into the Marketing Machine of Sin City.

It is no  secret that I have had some interesting things happen to me during the course of my travels.  Even though these stories often involve things such as encounters with men in various degree of undress, drunk construction workers on light poles who carry axes, and even being followed by a very nice but quite addled prostitute in a questionable area of downtown Chicago, I have never felt truly threatened or even remotely endangered.  Perhaps that’s my folly, or perhaps it is because I’ve never entered these situations without being fully aware, or because I have been smart enough to be  accompanied by someone who could become my champion were I to require it.


Any event, many of these nefarious adventures have occurred in the city of Las Vegas.  Probably because I traveled there so often, and stayed for very long periods.  As far as I’m concerned, three days is an adequate amount of time to be in Vegas.  Any longer and you start to feel like a local, weird things start to happen, and you become friends with the local CSI’s.

This is not a story about odd travel adventures however.  It’s about marketing; evil genius marketing actually.  Evil Genius Marketing in Las Vegas specifically.

There are some heavy hitters in terms of consumer marketing in the United States.  Google, Apple and Proctor & Gamble are the first that come to mind.  Compared to the marketeers in Las Vegas however, these guys are rookies.  Those folks in Vegas have the ability to shake down nearly every tourist who passes even remotely close to this little city in the middle of the desert.  The intention of the Vegas Veeps isn’t to get merely SOME of your money.  They aren’t satisfied until they get ALL of it.  And they don’t really care how it comes.  They are perfectly content to turn you upside down and shake you, taking their money one penny at a time.

Now, I’m not complaining.  Nor am I saying this is necessarily a bad thing.  In fact, I have tremendous respect for how capable those folks are at getting people to willingly part from their money, often coming back to do it again and again.  Some even call it vacation.

Actually, if I had an opportunity to do so, I would gladly intern in the executive suites of the Wynn, MGM or even the Sands Corporations for little to no pay.  Bear in mind that I am just past mid-point in my career, so an internship at this juncture is not something I would likely jump at were it anywhere else.  I would just love to sit in on the meetings where they determined which particular air infused scent was most likely to induce compulsive spending, or at what time of night people are most likely to see a long taxi line and elect to stay at their own casino, which is ironically the same time said casino will shut four taxi lanes leaving just one open.  I’d also like to know who it was that figured out that by assaulting literally every one of my senses as I deplane at McCarran, they can create a blank slate of my mind, upon which any marketing message would receive a more weighted consideration.

Interesting side note which is perhaps completely related to the assault-your-senses advertising at McCarran airport (which I now suspect employs subliminal methods):  I do like the entertainment offered in Las Vegas, and have attended many shows during my travels.  On one particular trip however, I found myself sitting at the Thunder from Down Under Male Review.  For the life of me I can NOT tell you why I decided to go see this.  I do not enjoy male strip shows of ANY type (TRUE - Hate ‘em), so if I were to actually pay money to see a show of this nature, it would have to be at the behest of a friend who had twisted my arm, or because I lost a bet.  I was alone.  I had no friends with me.   My arm was perfectly straight at the time.   I had no past, present or future bet on the books.  I had only been in town for one day so I cannot blame any other person, entity or even beverage for this.  I have NO IDEA why I went there.  For the record, I hated it.  The five screaming woman next to me - they didn’t hate it at all.

I can tell you that the rest of this little story is not particularly funny, but I personally find the subject interesting and quite ironic.  I can further tell you that these things mentioned are absolutely true, insofar as I’ve been able to tell at least.  I’m a marketeer by trade.  I’m not too bad at it either.  I cannot, however say that I could, in any way, compare myself to these Giants in the business of robbing a public that seems to find being robbed an expectation in this quirky little city.  Also, i know that large casino operators do not spend one plug nickel unless it has been stringently measured against a very exacting Return on Investment.

A recent slogan from the Vegas Visitors Bureau stated:  “What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas”.  Most understood this to be a reference to the illicit trysts, and the many sexual exploits which seem to accidentally take place there.

Which takes me on another side rant:  Accidental sex.  Is that even possible?  I cannot really wrap my head around that one.  “Well your honor, I shouldn’t have to pay that amount of alimony because I didn’t have purposeful sex with that woman.  I had accidental sex.”  Does that even fly?  Maybe - guess it depends on the accident-ee.  I do know people who could conceivably have sex accidentally, though they are more acquaintances than friends.  I don’t keep company with stupid people.

Back to topic - Marketing.  Vegas.  Every last penny.  Genius’ I tell you.  Absolute genius'.  Setting morality aside, I must say I have tremendous respect for anyone who can create in someone else a desire AND willingness to be completely screwed, and then later brag about it.


Me?  I don’t much care for being manipulated into parting with my money.  Therefore, because I was so often in this city, and after having had several of the revelations noted above, I must say I’ve gone no less than ten straight days in Sin City without dropping one quarter, let alone one silver dollar into a slot machine.  Nor have I ever played at one of their tables.  The reason for this is two-fold.  I don’t like to waste my hard earned money.  But mostly, it’s because I suck at gambling.  In fact, I’m the girl who inevitably winds up sitting next to the other girl who hits the $1M jackpot, wins a free car, has a free fruit basket delivered to her upgraded room by the hotel’s complimentary massage therapist, and has her picture taken with Elvis.  Not the fake Elvis.  Real Elvis.  Oh - and by the way, that girl would be my girl Carrie AKA Height Reduced Barbie.  B***h just has all the luck. On the other hand, I have spent a fair amount of money on handbags, shoes, jewelry and really REALLY great food.      See what I mean.  No matter what, they get you (me) every time.

So - if ever you find yourself in Las Vegas, check these things out for yourself.  You can weigh the validity of my statements.   While you're at it, when looking for the hotel pool, allow yourself to follow those handy signs the hotel posts to help you navigate the labyrinth of the casino.  Then tell me if you find yourself taking the most direct route, (which is probably about 25 yards to your right), or if those genius’s who make those signs have you wandering those carpet laden walkways which, amazingly, pass by every dollar slot, high-stakes poker room and other machines promising all you can eat love, sex, success, riches, loose women, and fame for the mere price of that silver dollar their x-ray machines says you have in your pocket.  Go on.... put it in that slot machine right over there sugar.  After all, it's just a buck!

Reviews

[EMF]

Yeah. It's not laugh out loud funny, but it has a current of underlying irony and humour that can't just help but make you warm and fuzzy inside... or it that just a side effect of thinking about... never mind. But let's face it. Since Catherine Willows plastic surgery settled down, she's back to looking hot again... You should never have mentioned CSI..............
Oh Yeah. Was it readable (Between Catherine Willow's fantasy)? Too damn right. You pitched it perfectly and your flow, pitch perfect. Even the aside was spot on.
But, a couple of suggestions.
When you talk of taxi's going from 4 to 1 ranks, consider editing to be 'four to one'. It reads easier. And the Aside...stick in at least one other. They give a wonderful lift to the work and give you added punch right at a crucial part.

And at the end of the day, remember... I could be talking bollocks. What the Hell do I know, because next to your work, I'm a one trick pony.

With a Catherine Willows fantasy.