Just Another Day

Submitted for Publication.....

My life ... as depicted in a single e-mail; pulled from many others in an otherwise non-spectacular day.  Just an average day around the water cooler.  (Actually, I am self-employed and can't afford a water cooler.  It's my bathroom sink really.)   I am grateful for this particular client who I suspect doesn't really need a Marketing Consultant, rather I think he keeps me around for comic relief...

Dear Hey You!

Thanks for your patience waiting for my reply.  It's been a week of trials here, but I believe I have come out the winner. 

I had a big fight with Apple's newest operating system that began last week and continues still.  The new system is pissy, affecting all e-mail programs and file storage systems.  It also ate my entire collection of 1980's hair band music, but that's a whole other rant.

Yesterday I stormed down 98 flights of stairs, in heels, to the fourth circle of Dante's hell looking for Steve Jobs.  (If you’re curious, the 4th circle is Avarice, Greed and Apple's new operating system.)  Found him wearing the usual turtleneck and surrounded by hot chicks.  He was in no hurry to help - b*****d!  (This last rant assures my ticket io Hell causing me to wonder if there is a circle for irreverence and sarcasm.)

That and the climb back up the 98 flights of stairs (elevators had not been invented when Dante wrote the Comedies) is what almost did me in.  Eventually I resurfaced, reinstalled the damn operating system and FORCED everything to run by giving my computer a really dirty look.

That’s when I learned that Adobe and Apple are apparently at odds.  They are no longer speaking.  The new Apple system deletes old Adobe registration files which are required to open any application.  Of course I backed up my system, but  - it’s not as easy to un-back it up.   I contacted Adobe for help.  Funny how you never usually think about time differences.  The one between Calcutta and California has now become an issue. 

Back to your original questions.... actually I forgot what they were. 

Oh yes! I owe you a timeline.  When I learn how to un-backup my machine, I will have that  Probably by the end of next week, unless something unforeseen occurs.  We should probably plan on that so lets say the new due date is three months from today.

As for the programs required to complete the job due by 5 PM today,  I am hopeful Raj Singh will get back to me by sundown.  I’ll need to push this date out until - who the hell knows!

If you don't get this e-mail, it is because the dirty look did not fix my Mac.  You can find me getting drunk at the Apple Genius Bar while contemplating the various ways to shove a 15" MacBook Pro down the throat of the computer geek behind the bar.

Ciao!
Shelley

Author's Note

A real e-mail sent to a client, with only sight edits to enhance comedic presentation. I promise!

Reviews

[Ken Simm.]

Technology, who would have it? Never used to be like this back in the day. Never used to end up shouting at inanimate objects or throwing things out of the windo..........I Would continue with the review of this exceptional piece of fun but the infernal thing has just crashed and the above was the only part I saved.
Computers were one of Satans better ideas. Wonder what platform the Divine Comedies were written on. Bet someone, somewhere takes that seriously.
Great Shelley.

[Ken Simm.]

Had to go back and edit the above because I keep losing my bloody 'A' and chasing it round the room. And that should be around

[roarke]

How come I'm always the last one to the party?
technology, don't get me started. although I'm a long time MAC user, their new direction in computing/communications/marketing leave me again on the brink of making my Luddite status permanent....

All that being said, this is a great way to deal with things. I hope your client understands your verve and creativity. I'd keep you around for a heck of a lot of other reasons.... As for the computer issues, maybe it's an omen, seriously.
Groovy Fun Stuff

[Mrs Edith Hat]

Even for a technically redundant Luditie, this is very funny young lady.

[Zeek4]

I really think we should get back to stone tablets and chisels. What do you think?

[Chris]

...and this is the "GOOD LIFE!" - think on how bad is the "Bad"!

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

A painful hoot for it is the truth!

[EMF]

3 reviews? 3 Gods damn reviews? OI! You lot. You on the newsfeed. Read this. Review it. I just came back to laugh myself silly. Now read the damn thing. Make your world a better place.

[Ed Hart]

i'd let you drive the get-away car, anyday

[EMF]

Computers. If in doubt, hit them repeatedly with a hammer until they bleed... or is that Klukers? Been a while. Try shouting a range of obsenities. No real reason. Just fun to do. Oh, and needless to say I laughed so hard I bled from my eye's... alright, a slight exaggeration. But it was hard and out loud. Loved it. Loved it like a second cousin once removed.

[Marie]

You certainly have a good understanding of what it's like to work with computers. I love the touch about getting up at 2:30 am to speak with a live person. I imagine you speak for many.