Musings from the Road (Trip)

Exactly what it says. Family road trip to visit friends and do a bit of seeing of the sights. My thoughts, from CA to NM and back....

1) There are NO DONUT STORES in Flagstaff!

2) You can get a Webelo Scout to memorize the Boy Scout Oath,
    Promise, Law, Motto and Outdoor Code if you bet him a buck he  
    can't.

3)  Native Americans are very offended by being called Indians except
     when naming their trading posts, pottery and hand made by Indian
     souvenirs.

4) Native Americans are much more friendly to tourists during a
    recession.

5) It takes 7 pre-sharpened pencils to work Soduko and Cryptogram
    puzzles from California to New Mexico.

6)  After 40 years of age, tourist attire is absolutely appropriate and in no way
     embarrassing.

7) 4 Dogs, 4 Cats and 5 People in one house makes for a very interesting trip.

8) My best friend and I are aging in the same fashion: gain the same amount of weight,
    wrinkle in the same manner, and are losing our eyesight and hearing at the same time.

9)   Long time friends are one of the greatest treasures of life.

10) When four teenagers you've known from the time of their conception roll their eyes
      in dismay at your "old-ness", you can't help but laugh because.... well, because I've
      been there too.

11) A recession is a great way to teach the value of spending time as a family rather than
      money.

12) A $5 paperweight with a scorpion inside is one of the coolest thing on earth.

13) Queen is best played very loud and sounds better at 80 mph.

14) Queen played very loud and at 80 mpg causes my husband's veins to pop out on his
      forehead.

15) I still don't know the words to Killer Queen.

16) It has been proven, without a doubt, that aliens either do or do not exist.

17) A 20lb male dog who has been neutered will try to mount an 85lb (very confused)
      spayed female dog.

18) 15 year old girls are all the same, and their mothers are all perplexed the same.

19) Blow dryers are almost always guaranteed to die no matter where you travel with
      them.

20)  Lack of cell phone reception can be very liberating.

21) Sometimes it is great to leave the camera in the car and enjoy the moment rather
      than try to capture memories to enjoy later.

22) Watching 100,000 bats flying out of a big hole in the ground with 300 perfect
      strangers in total silence is an experience that cannot be adequately described.

23) Walking 800' downhill is killer on the hips. Walking 800' uphill is killer on the calves.

24) A moment of absolute and complete darkness and silence 815' underground is a very
      peaceful moment.  (I only speak for the living.)

25) You can get really bad deli sandwiches 700' underground.

26) 700' underground deli sandwiches are not that bad when surrounded by good friends.

27) When you're taking pictures in the dark and relying on your flash, it is very easy to
      forget to take off your lens cap.

28)  A 5 hour drive and 3 miles of touring Carlsbad Caverns causes caustic foot odor in a
       ten year old boy.

29)  10 year old boy foot odor can clear out a car really really fast.

30)  It has been decided that the next time my son visits Carlsbad he will have children of
       his own, and he will tell them "When I visited here, I actually had to drive in a car!"

31) 5 days away from home is both too long and too short.

32) It is impossible to speed in Phoenix due to photo enforced speed cams.

33) Doing the speed limit on a long haul is weird.
34)  An 85lb dog fits quite nicely in the front passenger floorboard of a Toyota Tundra.

35)  No matter how much you may miss the scarecrow, there's no place like home.

36)  Best rule of travel EVER: Wash your sheets before you leave home.

Author's Note

I enjoy laughing at the irony in life. I rarely laugh at comedy clubs.

Reviews

[Ken Simm.]

Would you mind if I added?
If you are English a ham and cheese sandwich is not the same in Incline Nevada.
When you want a coffee, you want a coffee. You don't care how many brands there are.
Showing an old English paper driving license in a store in Lake Tahoe to change a travellers cheque causes no end of consternation for the entire population of both California and Nevada.
This is/was priceless. Really enjoyable. and oh I so empathise.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

OK - so I don't get the ham & cheese reference so I'll have to ask my friend EMF who is right above us. (He tells me how to cook stuff like that) and even I had to laugh at the paper license. That was great!

Thank you for your comments. Appreciated!

[Ken Simm.]

Hi my name is Felicity how may I facilitate you?
I'd like a ham and cheese sandwich please.read moreHi my name is Felicity how may I facilitate you?
I'd like a ham and cheese sandwich please.
What type would Sir like?
How many types have you got?
137.
And so on...... until
Look I'm English work with me.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Ahhhh. I see. Yes - we have "boutique" deli's and "coffee houses" where baristas make your coffee. That's just so we can jack up the prices really. The sandwiches were probably all the same. Just smaller the more expensive they became.

We even re-name drink sizes. We don't have small, medium and large. We have "snob", "hoity-toity" and "stick up my a$$". I always just order medium to watch them twitch. In my AMERICAN accent. LOL

[Ken Simm.]

AS would be inevitable it has started over this side of the pond. This happened in 99. It used to be that a ham sandwich over here was the size and consitancy of a small handkerchief curled up at the edges. Ask Chris he will tell you. Faustus used to garrott people who tried to make him a different one.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Ahhh you are friends with Chris. Well you just earned credits my friend. That man is one hell of a guy. Good friend of mine. CHRIS - I see you reading this!!!

[Lily Mae]

I loved every statement...so true and soo very funny..xo I felt like I was on the road in the day with my Dad again lol..xo

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Thank you for your words my friend. Love it when you stop in and your (is that a perfume bottle) shows up on my page. Says Lily was here. Nice

[EMF]

I know I've read it before but I laugh my Man B***s off each time I read it. So it's cheaper than lyposuction.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

You don't have moobs Mister. Humph has moobs. YOU have a hat. Thanks much though :)

[Zeek4]

Here are the words to Killer Queen. Your road trip is right out of the play book of American road trips. Thanks for keeping the tradition alive.



Killer Queen

She keeps Moet et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet
'Let them eat cake' she says
Just like Marie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
For Kruschev and Kennedy
At anytime an invitation
You can't decline

Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice

CHORUS
She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

Recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try?

To avoid complications
She never kept the same address
In conversation
She spoke like a baroness
Met a man from China
Went down to Geisha Minah
Then again incidentally
If you're that way inclined

Perfume came naturally from Paris
For cars she couldn't care less
Fastidious and precise

CHORUS

Drop of a hat she's a willing as
Playful as a p***y cat
Then momentarily out of action
Temporarily out of gas
To absolutely drive you wild, wild...
She's all out to get you

CHORUS

Recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try?
You wanna try...

[Ed Hart]

It's a gift you have Shelley, a truly wonderful gift...oh, the scorpion wants you to know it's not so cool in there...even if they offer you a lot of money, don't do realty tv...and thanks for the heads up on Flagstaff

[bob, small b. aka invs]

sounds like a great road trip. i'm really enjoying your writing.

[EMF]

I laughed out loud and scared a very nervous and pretentious customer. So I read it out loud to him. I loved it. and again.... Perfect. Publish. I may keep nagging on this subject.

[roarke]

Perfect wry observations. Each one alluding to a story all their own. the format you've presented here in defining a road trip is fresh and original, nice touch.
Each bullet point here could be a title or writing prompt for a short story.... this is a write RICH in experience and perspective. Bravo.

[Jay Levon]

I love it! Well done!