Serenity Now! RIGHT!

A quick peek into the windows of my household. No naked people - just kids yelling, dogs barking and laundry piled up!

I live in a house with four bedrooms. For whatever reason, I seem to never be content unless I have one person per bedroom in residence.

When I moved into my house, there where three people occupying two of the bedrooms. Then I added my Mom (four people, three rooms). When I lost my mom (three people, two rooms), I added my oldest sister (four people, three rooms). Shortly thereafter, my Great Niece came to stay for the school year (Five people, four room). Shortly thereafter, my marriage ended and I was down one husband but not up any rooms. So - I am back to that magic number four.

Trouble is, the factors that contribute to the additions or subtractions to the “number of persons living in the household” are such that with each departure or arrival, some type of grieving period or trauma accompanies it: My mother’s death, the end of my sister’s engagement, the niece who cannot stay out of jail/drugs/bad relationships long enough to raise her daughter, and the end of my marriage were the events that precipitated each rotation of house members. There are very few days when all members of the house are not under the influence of some type of emotional bender. My home is an effing war zone! I’ve got kids arguing, adults crying, doors slamming, groundings occurring, schools calling, other parents knocking, and addicts threatening physical harm. Now that I write that all down, it seems pretty bad - yet it really isn’t.

Gone are the days when I view my home as an oasis of serenity. In fact, the places that I have carved out within my home for retreat are now but memories. They have been overrun by dogs, kids, skateboards, kids with dogs riding skateboards, or - for some weird reason - Kleenex.

I have had many creative ideas about how to best handle the never ending chaos that seems to have taken up residence in my home, but I’ve yet to find one that is both effective AND legal. A few of my brainstorming sessions have generated some interesting ideas, but I’ve not been able to implement one of them successfully.

I once thought about outsourcing the raising of the children to India, but no transport company has a live human cargo option. I considered downsize my house to just two bedrooms, but I am afraid the four person voodoo would hold and I'd have to bunk with these damn people. I entertained the idea of running away myself, but my son - the Where’s Waldo Master - would find me in minutes! My final idea was to call in the authorities to assess us all, and have THEM determine which ones should be carted off to the looney bin. Turns out they don’t DO that anymore!

So what is a Mother, Daughter, Sister, Ex-Wife, Great Aunt to do? Fortunately I was blessed with a wicked and slightly bent sense of humor. I have yet to be unable to sit and laugh at the absurdities that take place in my house after each emotional tornado blows through.

In the mean time, I continue to ground children, walk snarky third graders to school (sometime all the way into the classroom if warranted), check homework, take away privileges and employ the “You DO NOT want to go there with me” look as needed. It doesn’t currently seem to be making much of a difference - rather like taking a thimble of water to the ocean - but it certainly does provide me with some interesting material to write about!

Gotta go. I just saw a pair of kids pants fly down the stairs with no kid in them!

Author's Note

Still needs some polish and proof.

Reviews

[MOON]

Lovely, Quirky write , enjoyed no peace for the wicked..

[Chris]

Oh I had so many smartazz answers to the author's note... but hell, reality is more than enough. Sometimes you NEED a LITTLE silence in your life, but all to often you find yourself praying for noise again.

[Clayton Bardwell]

I love the stories you tell. You have an ex-wife?

[Constance Payne]

love it; sounds like despite the friction there is love that lives there.
I so know that look of "You DO NOT want to go there with me" as I have given and gotten that look numerous times in my life. Often both at the same time, which is no easy trick mind you. I wish you luck in your home.
You could always employ the "Really?" questions......My momma (RIP) was very good at drawing out the "reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly" question so that I felt convicted to tell the truth as I realize she already knew it anyway....Wonderful serenity is my wish for you my friend.

[Ed Hart]

always fun (and thought)...as to the last line, better that way than the other way around

[lee von cleef]

How...(Hellow in T V Indian Talk)( Ya Ta Hey Be Klatzo)(Hello sweet cheeks in Navajo) Indians, used backboards, Some people bind their feet, got me to thinking..... Velcro...the wall of velcro...hoist them, stick them , then they are all in view, they can talk , scream,but basically safe, you get the remote, time peace ,,ahhh moments of "Serenity"

[roarke]

Ah, the vanity of the absurdities....I know it well.

Your writing style is getting tighter Shelly. I was totally caught up in the tornadic chaos.
I also liked your bedroom number voodoo premise to frame your story in. Fresh stuff.

Great aunt, eh?..... A subject for a less hectic time.
Tried Tibetan Coma Meditation??