The Valley

It started as a love letter to my husband (new boyfriend at the time), and became a story about a cyborg. I don't know what happened either.

There wasn’t any reason in my heart. It started so quickly, before I had a chance to breathe. Nothing could deter me, though I felt the same feelings once long ago. That ended in utter desolation and destruction. I destroyed myself over and over again, hoping that with punishment would come reward. I made it through the longest winter of my life, only to find I had no feelings left.

The winter had frozen my insides, hardened my heart. I could feel nothing. Not joy, not sorrow, nothing. Where was the warm breeze that once pervaded my life? I could not find it in this long, desert valley where the sun was not. Or did it shine? Like a specter, looming over my desperation and taunting me with the life I once lived. It wasn’t fate that brought me here, nor heartache, but a desire for something more. I would’ve given up that which I love the most just to feel something inside. I walked in the valley, and though someone once saw me there, they would not enter to walk with me. They heard me, and laughed with me, but they would not come into the darkness of that infernal sun.

I wandered, no longer broken, but built again with different pieces. I could feel them grinding against each other, a poor fit. It didn’t hurt. As I walked I saw the depth of suffering all around me, and cared not. What was their suffering to mine, a life without a soul? Something inside me had perished and there was no one to lead me out of that valley where souls were lost and a bright blackness crept from the dried rivulets and sunk like a stench into every corner of my being. The breeze blew cold and dry.

The sun grew and threatened to swallow me.

How could I die here with no soul? I was a machine, lashed together with heartstrings. I felt the echo of once beloved emotion. I did not tire, I did not falter, I did not feel.

Days, months, a year, no one could reach me. No one knew where I was. Could I save myself from this place? I didn’t know how to leave, for the valley stretched ever on into bland infinity and the sheer cliffs on either side surrounded the sky. The sun, damned sun, looked in through the peaks and menaced me with the power of a thousand consumed souls.

Was I next?

A flash of eyes, a soft voice came to me through the dark. I clutched my heart and felt something, it was softening. The voice came again and the earth began to shake. I did not run for cover. I stood beneath the crashing rocks and welcomed death from this place. I would know nothingness, if nothingness can ever truly be known. The voice came a third time, should I follow?

The wind swirled and my hair flew violently around my face making it difficult to see. The sun opened and poured burning tar down upon the valley. I ran through the black rain into the never-ending distance. Ahead of me I could see the ground splitting, I ran faster. The crevice widened and I skidded to a halt. I was breathing hard, but I was a machine, was it just memory of fatigue?

“Jump,” said the voice. “I’ll catch you.”

A warm breeze came up through the split in the earth. My breath caught and I cried out in pain. Glorious pain, could I feel more? All the memories I had abandon came flooding back in an instant, ghosts no longer but solid figures roaming around me in the black rain. Soon the valley was coated in tar, sticky to the touch.

“Jump,” said the voice again. Tears began to fall, black as the rain. Why was I crying? I was a machine lost in a forgotten valley beneath a cold sun. The sun had broken, though, was I breaking too?

I could feel my body breaking, the heartstrings snapping and the gears grinding to a halt. I could no longer breathe, for tar coated my mechanical lungs. The darkness closed in around me, then I noticed the light come from below. It grew steadily brighter as I stared at it, so bright it hurt to look at.

“Come on,” said the voice, beckoning and sweet. “Please.”

I backed away from the edge, choking. With vision blurred by dark tears I ran through the pouring tar and leapt into the opening. Then I fell, I fell for such a long time. Had I chosen wrong? Was I meant to die in that valley, suffocating in tar and dust? I looked down as I fell, the light was so bright I could see nothing else. I looked up, the black sun was just above me as if following me down. I felt the sides of the opening, they were smooth and slick, nothing to grab on to.

I began to scream, because the pain had steadily grown the farther I fell. I was being reborn. Flesh overcame the metal, blood poured through veins that were once tubes full of oil. I could no longer see for pain, I thought I would die then, plummeting through the air, surrounded by warm light. It would not be a terrible way to go, better than perishing as a machine in that valley above.

I began to fall more slowly, as if caught by the light. I drifted down, the light that had been below me was now above me. The pain subsided and I could see clearly again. Strong arms caught me as I was close to the ground. I looked up and there was the sun, lighting your face. Though I did not know you, I knew it was your voice I had heard. You had called to me across the worlds, saving me from the hell to which I was bound. I felt something bubbling up inside me. Everything came back to me, everything I had forgotten how to feel so long ago.

Now the valley is an echo that sometimes haunts my dreams. I still see the black sun, but I no longer feel the cold. It was a cold day when we met, but you made the sun appear even as the day faded into night.

Author's Note

Have at it! This story has served its purpose as I wrote it for one person and he has read and enjoyed already.

Reviews

[emily joe]

"The sun grew and threatened to swallow me"

This line will stay with me. It says so much yet it's so simple and telling.

Overall really adore this piece! Brava