The Disruption

A female student gets called out by her teacher in front of the entire class. Follow her struggle and inner battle with both anger and humiliation. This story contains themes and language that may be

A coin. Two sides. Two possible outcomes. Heads or tails. First, you take the coin and flip it high in the air. Then, you catch it. Now, holding the coin, you put your fist over your other hand's wrist, carefully settling down the coin, without looking of course, and then, finally……reveal which side it landed on. That’s all there is to it. Simple as that. Many use this when faced with the “dilemma” of - yeah, you might not believe this - choosing between two options. What a predicament, isn’t it… So, they take the coin, assign each decision to one of its sides, flip it, and - Voila. And the best part? You don’t even have to take responsibility or anything. After all - it was the coin who made the call, wasn’t it?

Sometimes in life, I think about this. I shouldn’t, I know. Nothing good comes from wondering about this type of stuff; wondering what your life would be like if “this” instead of “that” happened. It’s a waste of time, really. But…there’s just something about it…something that never fails to lure me in, something I can’t ever escape from, something that will always make me ponder. I can’t help it.

I continue staring at the blackboard…better said, the ugly drawn stickman flipping a coin, hidden away between some random formulas and equations…or something like that. Not sure……and not like I care. I mean that. I really couldn’t care less about any of this s**t. I look around the classroom. And I’m, as one can clearly see, not the only one who thinks so. Pretty much everyone is either chatting away with their seat neighbor, playing on their phone, or doing some other s**t - basically anything except the thing they’re actually supposed to be doing - which is pay attention.

Of course, there are exceptions. Like……”her”. Little miss perfect. Every teacher’s favorite. The class’s-- hell, the entire school’s model student. I stare at her. As always, she sticks out like a sore thumb - being one of the only ones who’s actually listening to the lecture. She’s eagerly noting everything, each and every singular spoken word. I scoff quietly. The teacher could probably start reciting the bible - and she’d still write it down in that stupid notebook of hers. The way she’s hanging on his lips…might as well get on her knees and start sucking him off. No doubt she’d do it in a heartbeat if it meant getting better grades…if she didn’t already have the best there are. Another scoff. God, she’s annoying… I look around the classroom some more, trying to spot something, anything interesting. Nothing. Great. I let out a sigh. What about the time? ……More than ten minutes left?! I cover my eyes. F**k…This…S**t… Why am doing this to myself? I could be doing literally anything right now…anything but this! A yawn overcomes me. Just a further sign that--

Something startles me. Funnily enough, it’s not a sudden noise or anything like that - no… It’s……silence? Might sound weird, I know. But still - a quiet classroom is, at least in this class, definitely not normal. For one, there is the white noise that is the teacher’s endless blabbering. Then, of course, the student’s quiet chattering. Sometimes, even the scribble of a pen…kinda rare though… However - any of that is currently missing - it’s quieter than the dinner table after Grandpa makes another one of his cringy boomer jokes - yeah, “those” ones.  

So…what happened? Did the teacher ask a question? No, one of his pets would have answered that by now. Maybe one of my classmates? Yeah…like that’d ever happen. Door isn’t open either, so it can’t b-- ………Oh… I’ve found the cause. It’s as plain as day…almost painfully so. Everyone, both teacher and students, are both staring at it……………me, that is.

“Tired, are we? Well ██████, if my lesson’s this boring, maybe you got something better for us in store?”

I do my best not to let yet another sigh escape me. Ugh…just my luck. There are literally twenty-something students he could have chosen from - but who’s the one he picks? Me. Of. F*****g. Course. I stare at him. “How about you stop yapping about some random useless s**t, go jerk off in the corner or something, and give us rest of the day off, huh? How’s that for an idea?” Wish I could say that to him. Nevertheless, I stay quiet.

“Didn’t think so either. Normally, I’d pick you out to try and solve this problem, but I think we all know you weren’t listening, so let’s save us the trouble, shall we?”

He sure as hell got a big mouth today. Maybe the wifey gave him a goodbye kiss for once. Must have given him that more-than-needed confidence boost. We all know that marriage is probably deader than his old, wrinkly, shriveled-up-- I shake my head. God, don’t even think about it! I try as best as possible to suppress my laughter.

“Real funny, huh? With your current grades, and the results from your last exam, I sure as hell wouldn’t have anything to laugh about - sure as hell not!”

I freeze. My smile drops in an instant. I look away, both in shame and shock, my eyes glued to my desk. Why…why would he say that? I already know I got the lowest scores on the exam and that I’m not doing too well grade-wise… hell, he even told me so himself multiple times - so why would he say that, right here and then, for everyone to hear? Blood rushes to my face. He completely embarrassed me…in front of the entire class…just like that! I--

“You really should take this more seriously, you know. It’s your future after all. We don’t want a repeat of last week, do we now? Also, you’re bothering your classmates. So, for once, lose that arrogance of yours and show some seriousness! Understood?“

I flinch at his words. My heart is racing. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. Why…why am I crying? C’mon, chill out. This is nothing. I need to relax. My eyes are getting watery. I can’t cry…not now…not here. Not in front of everyone. Pull yourself together d****t! I swallow. It hurts. I can feel a clot blocking my throat. I want to say something. I need to stay calm. I need to relax. Don’t cry. Calm yourself. Remember the exercises…

Breathe in……and out… In……and out.

I can feel stares all around me, piercing me like sharp needles. I know they’re enjoying this. They’re loving the show. They can’t take their eyes off me. “This is the best”. “What a dumbass”. “When’s she gonna start crying?”. They’re waiting for it. Circling me, like sharks in the water. Just waiting for it. I have to stay calm. I can’t cry. I don’t want to give them the satisfaction. Not these a******s. I need to relax.

Breathe in……and out… In…….and out…

I make an effort to raise both corners of my mouth, trying to give off confidence. Yep…not happening. I must look completely f*****g stupid. Like a moron. I know I do. They’re loving it. I need to stay calm. F**k these guys. F**k the teacher. F**k all of them. Just relax. Say some bullshit. Apologize or something. Give him what he wants. Nothing more. It’s easy. You can do this. Finally, I’m calm enough to give a reply.

“Y-Yeah, I understand Mr. S-Shawn. I’ll t-try my best. S-Sorry for the interruption.”,

I reply with a shaky and trembling voice.

“Thank you ██████. Now, as I was saying earlier--”

I exhale. My heart is still racing. It’s like a jackhammer. It’s all I can hear. *Thump*…*Thump*…*Thump*…*Thump*…*Thump*. My eyes dart back to the teacher.  God, I sounded like a total loser. Stuttering like a f*****g b***h. I know they were all loving it. F*****g a******s. F**k are y’all laughing at? If it were any one of you b*****s in my shoes - you’d probably be pissing your pants right now, shaking and quacking in your f*****g boots. This is nothing to me. I…I’m just a little shaken up. Didn’t expect teach’ to get so loud all of a sudden. Was a first for me. So what? S**t would have scared anyone. I-- The teacher’s eyes lock with mine. Just for a short moment. Almost unnoticeably short. Is…is that a smile on his face?  Is he smiling? What the…f**k?? What the f**k is wrong with him? Is he enjoying this?? Is this some sick joke to him? What the actual f**k??? Why’s no one saying anything? Am I the only one who’s seeing it? He can’t just-- This is--…… I need to stay calm.

Breathe in……and out… In…….and out…

“So she was the one who got the F…”

“Literally dragging the whole class’s average down. Always her, I swear…”

Shut up…

“Like…how? That s**t was so easy…was done with it like, an hour later.”

Shut up!

“Same. But wait…wasn’t she one of the few people who handed theirs in at the very end? Like…pretty much the only one? Matter of fact - isn’t she always the last one who does so? Starting to see a pattern there…”

What the f**k are you even yapping about? Shut up!

“That’d sure explain it. Guess she’s just retarded…something like that”

I’m right here, I can hear you, you f*****g a*****e. Say that s**t to my face, I dare you. I f*****g dare you! You’d never! F--

“God, she’s like, so f*****g annoying, I swear. This’s like, the third time this week. Is she like, doing this on purpose or something?”

Yes, of-f*****g-course I’m doing this on purpose. F**k do you think, dumb b***h? How f*****g stupid could you possibly be? F*****g--

“Who knows…I just think about how her parents have to deal with bullshit every single day probably…kinda fucked up, ngl.”

I almost turn around to try and spot who said this. They’d never say any of this to my face. Never. F*****g p*****s…f*****g b*****s…everyone…all of them! Just some pathetic f*****g--

“You know, I heard she got sent to the principal last week. Even her parents had to show up.”

“Sure took them forever…”

“And you know what? She only got a warning!”

“What? No way… She’s been pulling stunts like this for…forever!? And all she gets is a teeny-weeny warning? F*****g bullshit. Can’t they just already expel her?”

SHUT YOUR F*****G MOUTH, STUPID W***E!!! I can feel my heartbeat thumping painfully against my chest. I close my eyes. I want to punch them. Hurt them. Make them regret saying any of that. I wanna do it. I really want to. I can’t let them run their mouths. I want to make these fuckers f*****g scream. They can’t just say this. They can’t expect me not to react. Not to do anything. No one can. There’s no way. I can’t control myself. I can’t stay calm. I can’t. I can feel myself shaking. I want to act out. I can feel tears welling up again. Or maybe they were there the whole time. I don’t f*****g care. I’m f*****g angry. I want to flip out. I want to snap. I f*****g hate this. F**k everything. F**k! F**K! FUUUCK! F*****G PIECES OF S**T! F*****G A******S! SAY THAT S**T ONE MORE TIME! SAY IT AGAIN! YOU STUPID M***********S! F**K ALL OF YOU! I HOPE YOU ALL F*****G ROT IN HELL! I HOPE YOU ALL GET RUN OVER BY A F*****G CAR! I HOPE YOU ALL GET F*****G KILLED! I HOPE ALL OF YOU F*****G DIE AND GO TO HELL!! ALL OF YOU F*****G DESERVE IT! ALL OF YOU F*****G B******S! F**K ALL OF YOU! F**K!!! F**K!!!!!!!!!  FUUUCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m shaking with anger. My fists are balled up. I can feel my nails digging into my hands. I need to let this anger out. I want to hit the desk. Hit it with all I got. With all my power. But I can’t. They’re all watching. Staring at me. Waiting. Waiting for me to act out. Teach’ too. He’s watching me. Just waiting. One word, one move - just one peep…it’s all he needs. ‘s all he wants. He wants me to do something. He wishes I’d do something. He f*****g prays for it. Everyone is. It’d make his day. It’d make all their days. …I need to calm down. I can’t. I can’t relax. I can’t calm down. I’m still so f*****g angry.

It doesn’t matter. It will go away. Just keep your eyes closed. Don’t look at any of them. Don’t listen to any of them. Don-- I mess up. For a split second, I lock eyes with “her”. She’s staring at me. Just as everyone else is. We both look at each other. Time stops. It feels like an eternity. I want to look away. I have to. I can’t let her see me…not like this. I know she’s enjoying this - just like everyone else is. “F*****g b***h finally got what she deserved”. “Serves her right”. “Why won’t she just k--" Is…is she smiling? I can’t see it clearly. I try to look closer. My eyes are still watery and blurry. I think…I think she’s smirking at me. She’s got this spiteful smile on her. She’s laughing at me. Just like everyone else is. I can see it in her eyes. She’s looking down on me. Like I’m some trash on the sidewalk. Like she’s looking at a bug or something. “Pathetic”. I know that’s what she’s thinking. I just know she is…just like everyone else.

The moment passes. She turns. Back to the lecture…back to her notes. As if nothing ever happened. She doesn’t care anymore. Lost interest already. I continue to stare at her. I can’t take my eyes off her. My hands are still clenched, my fists still trembling with pure anger. I want to get up. Walk over to her and ram her face into the f*****g desk. Rip her stupid f*****g notes up. Stuff the paper down her throat so she f*****g chokes on it. Ram my fist over and over into her f*****g face. Ruin that f*****g visage of her. That’ll teach her. Let’s see who’s laughing then, huh?? F*****g b***h. I f*****g hate her. I f*****g despise her. Always looking down on me. Like I’m some piece of trash, some dogshit on the sidewalk. Like I shouldn’t be here. Like I’m not…worth it. She doesn’t want me here. Just like everyone else. None of them want me here. I don’t belong here. They all want me gone. I’m a bother to them. Teach’ says so. They say so. Everyone says so. They wish I wasn’t part of this class. Part of this school. Or just didn’t exist at all.

I close my eyes yet again. I need to calm down. Relax. Don’t think about him. Don’t think about her. Don’t think about any of them. Don’t think about anything at all.

Breathe in……and out… In……and out…

I don’t care about this. It doesn’t bother me. I’m cool, calm, and collected. This is nothing to me.

Breathe in……and out… In……and out…

Yeah…that’s it. Relax yourself. Don’t care about anything. Just……relax…

Breathe in……and out… In……and out… In……and out… In……and out… In……and out…

The lesson continues. At first, some whispers persist…but it doesn’t take long for the endless chatter to continue, all of them back to what they were doing before, already having forgotten about what just happened…this fleeting, unimportant moment in their lives, one they surely will have forgotten about by next week. But I will remember it. Tomorrow. The day after. And the day after that day. And the day after that one. And so on…and on…and on. I will never forget it. I will never forget any of this. I know it…I know it damn well. I will NEVER forget this.

I don’t want this to happen again. But I know it will. F**k… I really don’t want any of this to happen…ever again. I f*****g hate this. I hate this so much. I hate this from the bottom of my heart…… I need to think about something else. I need to stop being so stuck on this. I need to move on. But how could I ever? It’s all I can think about. Why…why am I so hung up about this? I never knew anything could ever affect me this much. I thought I didn’t care about any of this stuff. I thought I could always just…stop caring. …Why can’t I now? Everyone else can too, can’t they? They all just smile and forget about it. Just laugh it off. They always do. Why am I the only one who can’t? The only one who remembers this, the only one who can’t stop thinking about it, even when it’s already over, the only one who’s actually hurt?

I don’t get it. How can they just…forget about it? About any of it…any at all? I…I wish I could do that. I wish I had that…”ability”. I wish I could also just…forget about any of this, and go on with my life. Like it never happened. I wish this never happened. I hope this never happens again. I wish all of this never happened in the first place. I wish my life could have been different. I wonder…what would it have been like? What would it look like? Could I have led a nice one? Maybe one where I-- … I need to stop thinking about this. It’s a lost cause. It serves no purpose. It’s completely useless. There’s nothing good that comes from wondering what life could have been like. F**k do you get from it? Just makes you depressed. Your life won’t magically change. Stop dreaming about the “coulds” and “woulds” in your life - there’s no f*****g point. I need to stop wasting my time on s**t like that. Just shut the f**k up. Stop crying around. Stop being a b***h.

The coin comes to mind again. I shouldn’t think about it……but I can’t help it. I look at the blackboard. The drawing has already been erased…it’s long gone. But I can still remember it as clear as day. Heads…and tails… What…what if instead of heads……I had gotten tails? I shake my head. Does it matter? Does any of this matter? S**t won’t change anyway. S**t ain’t change then, s**t ain’t change now, and s**t ain’t gon’ change ever. Nothing else to it. There’re no two sides, no heads or tails, no “this” or “that” - there’s only what happened, and what’s gonna happen.

Author's Note

I like to play a certain game with a friend of mine, where we give each other three words and have to create a story / drawing with those. I write, he draws.
The three words for this story were: "Control, Coin, recurring".
I didn't really follow these words all the way to the end, but yeah...
My main focus was the emotion anger, and how to make a character deal with it. I tried to realistically convey how one could possible experience this emotion is a situation such as this, and how one would deal with it.
What are your thoughts? Did I do a somewhat good job? The most important part for me, is that you, the reader, can at least relate / understand as to why the character acts and thinks the way he does / what he (or in this case, she) wants to convey.
Thank you in advance for your efforts!