My Only Release

"My Only Release"

I had a Daughter by my side, that I loved oh so much/
Now all I do is get high, close my eyes & try touch
The girl in my dreams, cause she seems oh so real/
But when I reach out my hand, the little girl stands still
Before vanishing & managing, to take my heart with her/
Now what was needs bandaging, I hate the man in the mirror
The end of days seem nearer, my mistakes seem clearer/
I've done pray for better days, but it's still my face in the mirror
A lost soul trapped in time, in my 29th year/
Trying to rap another Rhyme, & wipe away these tears
So many years of this torment, has got me falling hard/
Wondering where my prayers sent, when I was calling on God
War scars cover my body, but most you'll never see/
And without no other hobby, this is my only release.

Copyright 2010 The Elusive Mr Dunne
(All rights reserved)

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

In the end my friend. We seem to swim in s**t.
"War scars cover my body, but most you'll never see/
And without no other hobby, this is my only release."
I did like the above lines. Maybe the darkness is all we have in the ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry. I did enjoy.
Coyote

[eroticfanatic99]

wow, this is great, i'm impressed

[Melinda McQueen]

Writing is indeed a release . I felt your pain in every line.
You wrote the well.
I hope that in writing, you feel a release in some way.

[Betty Hermelee]

There is much pain here; stuck in your 29th year is like being trapped in a cage. A very dark scene, a lot of self blame, some dreams that only fade; self hate endures in the mirror and is difficult to brush off. Even praying to God had done nothing to release you from this web of despair.
Well written and relatable to many of us.
Best, B

[Ted Kniffen]

I can feel the hurt in this ... but not sure of the intent. You start off talking about your daughter but then that morphs into the girl or the little girl both of which change the tenor of the poem ...
perhaps replace the with my which should bring back the innocence that should be there.

All in all a good one.

[Cameron Lockhart]

I'm afraid I don't have as much to say this time around, given the shorter length, but this marks another solid poem from you. I really liked the somber tone throughout, and I could honestly see it as a verse in a rap song, but maybe that's just me. My only complaint would be a minor wording mistake in the second line: it should be "try to touch", not "try touch".

Other than that, great work!

[JE Falcon]

Giving up is not giving up, it is the first stage of acceptance. Accept that you have not got the answers. And maybe the answers you have, well, maybe they have been the wrong ones all along. --- I only say this because I've been there and done that, and I had to hit bottom before I would listen to Jesus. That was 39 years ago and I'm still happily listening. --- Amen & Peace. ...

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

I can sense depression in this piece.
The narrator has gone through a lot of trouble and pain that were inexplicable. He could only say what he could. Seems like he has given up and now the whole thing has become his hobby.

But I would say, there is always better days ahead.