From the Future

When two little girls bully a pair of younger twin girls they get more than they bargained for, for sure...

From the Future

Chapter One

- OFF with your PANTIES! screams Alice 10 years old to the twin girls in the sandbox.

She is waving her mobile phone in front of them. It's on recording.

- Yes! screams Beatrice 10 years old, who also has her cellphone on recording.

- Never! yells 9 year old Cecilia and her twin sister Dorothea together.

- You're going to KISS each other in this porno! says Alice.

- We are NOT participating in your damn porno! says the twins together.

- Oh, it's so CUTE when you talk together at the same time, says Beatrice.

- OFF with you PANTIES! screams Alice again.

The twins show their middle fingers to the cellphone cameras.

Alice jumps onto Cecilia and wrestles her down, and Beatrice jumps on Dorothea and manages to get her down in the sandbox as well.

- Stop it god damn it, says Cecilia.

- You’re going to KISS! says Alice. It's so HOT with a little lesbian ACTION! The guys at school will LOVE it!

The twins manage to pull out their cellphones, and hit recording as well.

- HA! NOW your mommies will see how you bully us! says Cecilia.

- Not if the cellphones break! says Alice, and grabs Cecilia's cellphone.

- What the hell, it cost my mommy eight hundred dollars, says Cecilia.

- Your mother has been lying to you. This piece of crap doesn't cost more than THREE, says Alice, and bangs it hard in the sandboxes wooden frame.

- Hmm... durable son of a b***h, says Alice, and hits it again and again. It finally cracks into a thousand pieces.

Cecilia starts to cry.

While Dorothea wrestles with Beatrice, her phone suddenly flies away on the grass next to the sandbox. It seems to have made it in one piece, but is now outside of reach for any of the children.

Alice pulls Cecilia in her hair toward her twin sister Dorothea.

They press the twins heads together so their lips meet.

- So. KISS EACH OTHER! yells Beatrice.

But the twins refuse to open their mouths.

- OUT with your TONGUES! yells Alice.

- And down with your FINGERS into each other’s PANTIES! yells Beatrice.

Alice and Beatrice start to move the twins hands towards each other’s skirts.

Suddenly the skies are darkening hastily above them. It becomes so dark. In the middle of the day?!

A strange sound is heard from the sky. It does NOT sound like an airplane or a helicopter or a bird or any other sound that you usually hear. It is a strange buzzing sound that has no category.

All the children stare up towards the heavens.

Majestically hovering above them is a gigantic round object.

- It... says Alice, It is! It's a damn SPACESHIP!

A light beam appears underneath the spaceship. It beams on the children.

- Ahiiiiiiii, all the four children scream in a choir, when they realize that Alice and Beatrice have started levitating above the ground.

The twins are still lying down, shocked, and watch.

They stop screaming, when they realize, that it's not happening to them.

- What the hell, what the hell... they... are beaming us up! says Alice.

But they are not carried upwards! They are just floating in the air, a few inches from the sand in the sandbox. Helpless.

The twins are fast on their feet again.

Dorothea runs toward her phone on the grass and picks it up and starts filming.

Cecilia kicks Alice hard on the leg.

- OOOOOOOW, screams Alice.

- HA! says Cecilia. Now you got it good! You b*****d! And soon the aliens are going to eat you!

- YES! says Dorothea. Or maybe they'll experiment on you!

- It will probably HURT REAL BAD! says Cecilia.

Alice becomes pale as a ghost.

- But damn it! Help me! says Alice to the twins.

- The HELL we will, says the twins in unison.

- But. I'm sorry! says Alice, and tries to stretch towards Cecilia to grab a hold of her.

Cecilia takes a step back.

- Say hello to the ALIENS, says Dorothea and kick another kick, this time in between the legs of Alice.

- OOOOOOOOW! screams Alice. Oh, just you wait!!! WHEN WE COME BACK!!!

- Back?! says Dorothea. HA HA HA. You are going into outer space!

- Yes, says Cecilia. God how wonderful it's going to be. To not have you around. Here in the playground. And at school!

Alice and Beatrice finally start to levitate higher. And higher.

- F**k! F**K! says Alice when she is dangling soon about 30 feet off the ground.

What if the light beam stops beaming them up? Then they will fall to their stone cold deaths, she realizes.

Cecilia and Dorothea have the centuries best UFO movie on their phone.

- We could sell this, and become really rich! says Cecilia.

- Yes, says Dorothea. And famous!

Alice and Beatrice now float about 100 feet in the air. Soon 300. It is so scary far down that Alice pees herself.

- Hold me! yells Beatrice to Alice.

They hug each other.

- KISS EACH OTHER AS WELL! they hear one of the twins screaming from the ground.

- YES! MAKE OUT HARDER! yells one of them.

Soon Alice and Beatrice don't see the twins at all. They only see fields, woods, roads, and houses.

They are quickly approaching the ominous spaceship. A circular door of some sort opens up at the bottom of it. Just like in the movies! They are being beamed in!

It's pitch black inside the spaceship. They are floating above the circular door now that closes beneath their feet. They slowly land on a dark floor.

It smells, strangely.

Marching footsteps are approaching threatfully.

Alice starts to hyperventilate. Beatrice faints in Alice’s arms.

The light switches on. Alice realizes she is in a very small round room. There is nothing in there but them.

- Beatrice, whispers Alice, who drops her on the floor and sees her lying there lifeless. Wake up god damn it!

The footsteps are still closing in threatfully.

WHAT do the aliens look like?! Alice thinks. Antennas? Tentacles? Fifty eight eyes?! Many and big monster teeth that eat children alive?!

A door glides open, as doors do at the mall.

In comes two... adult... humans?! A man in his forties and a woman in her thirties?! They wear strange dark blue uniforms.

- You... you... You're humans?! says Alice surprised.

- Yes. You expected aliens, I assume, says the man in uniform and looks at the pee on the floor.

Damn it. Did I pee myself again, thinks Alice and feels great shame come over her.

- Don't worry. Someone will clean it up, says the man.

- What do you WANT?! says Alice.

- Yes that, says the woman in uniform. What do you think yourself? "You b*****d?"

Alice doesn't know what to say.

- Awake her, says the man, and points at Beatrice.

- Yes sir, says a female voice behind the man.

In comes a white dressed woman in her 20's. She grabs a hold of Beatrice's body, and puts something underneath her nose.

Beatrice rattles to life.

- MAN, how it SMELLS, she yells.

Then she yells again when she realizes where she is.

- Damn brats, says the man in uniform and sighs.

The woman in white lifts up Beatrice on her feet.

- What... what is happening... Beatrice mumbles. You're supposed to be aliens...

- Mmm, says the man in uniform. We are something better. We are from the future. YOUR. Future.

Alice and Beatrice just blinks.

- From the FUTURE?! Says Alice.

- That is correct, says the man.

- And, says Beatrice, what do you WANT with us?!

The man in the uniform cracks a big grin.

- That, you will soon realize. Come with us, he says authoritatively.

Alice realizes that his grin is of the same kind she herself smiles when she is making plans for her victims.

- N... noo, says Alice and she and Beatrice stand still and wiggle about.

- COME WITH US, or be DRAGGED! Your choice! says the man.

Alice puts her arms in cross. The man in the uniform sighs, and snaps his fingers.

In comes two identical men dressed in black whose ages cannot be approximated by neither of the children.

- No... no... I mean, really, says Alice, we can TALK about this, right?!

The black dressed men throw up Alice and Beatrice over their shoulders. They hang with their behinds up in the air and their faces downwards and dangling.

- Where do you want them sir, says one of the men in black.

- In the operating room.

- The OPERATING ROOM?! yells Alice.

- Yes. You're going to be operated. In the brain.

Alice starts to hyperventilate again. She tries to free herself, but the dark dressed man has her in a deadlock.

They start walking out of the room, into a long corridor.

Alice bites the arm of the black dressed man.

- You can't do any better? he asks.

- Good try, says the man in the uniform. Unlike you, he doesn't feel any pain.

Alice bites all she can. But, it doesn't feel like skin! It feels like... plastic?! Or rubber?! or some other weird synthetic material!

- I am a robot, says the man in black. And if you continue like that you will soon not have any teeth left. I am much harder, deeper in.

Alice gasps for air.

The robots walk together with the woman and man in uniform past big gigantic computer screens with loads of text on. Alice glimpses: "Year: 2020. Alice Swan and Beatrice Stiller. For processing."

- But damn it, we're only children, Alice sobs, and realize that Beatrice probably has fainted again.

- Mmm. So was HITLER once, says the man in uniform.

The corridor goes on and on. Finally they arrive in an unpleasant room. There are two metal chairs there. "Maybe they will experiment on you!"

- Tie them to the chairs, says the man in uniform.

- Yes sir! says the robots together.

- Shall I sedate them? says the woman in white.

- No, answers the man in uniform. Let the brats see it. It will be a good lesson for them.

- Lesson?! says Alice. Does... does this have anything to do with... with... the twins that...

- And anesthesia? interrupts the woman in white.

- Of course. We are no tyrants.

The woman in white draws out a box, and pulls out a pair of syringes.

She pushes the needle into the arm of Alice, and then on the fainted Beatrice.

She awakens again by the puncture.

- Oww, she moans.

- There now. Now you will not feel... this, the woman in white says, and takes out a hand held small rotating saw blade!

- Sit still so I can open your brain, says the woman in white.

Alice hyperventilates again, and squirm in her chair.

- Why are you doing this?!! she screams.

- Shut up and take it like a woman, says the woman in uniform. Why, you like to be big. Record pornos and things like that. When I was your age, I played with dolls.

- Really, if this has anything to do with the twins... we're going to say sorry!

The woman in the uniform sneezes.

The woman in white is approaching Beatrice's head with the rotating saw blade. She hastly pushes it against Beatrice's head. Beatrice screams. But realize that she feels no pain.

She is greatly sedated. Thank god for that anyway!

Blood splashes on Alice and the woman in whites faces.

- Fuuck... fuuck, says Alice.

- Don't wet yourself again, says the man in uniform.

The woman in white keeps on drilling around Beatrice’s head.

Alice can only watch.

Beatrice cries and cries.

Soon the woman in white has drilled around her whole head. She grabs a hold of the top of her hair, and yanks off the top off her head!!! With hair and everything.

The brain! Alice can see crying Beatrice's exposed brain!

It looks terrible!

- Damn it! Stop now!!! yells Alice.

- Oh no, you're going to be operated, says the man in the uniform. You next.

- NO!!! yells Alice.

- Why not just kill them? asks the woman in uniform. Do you really think this will help?

- The prognosis says that killing them will not help. And we are here on a HUMANITARIAN mission. the man in uniform says.

Humanitarian, Alice thinks. There is nothing humane about this.

The woman in white approaches Alice head with the drill.

Alice closes her eyes. And feels. Nothing

But hears. The disgusting sound. Of the saw blade against her head.

There is nowhere to escape.

Soon she hears the sound of her head bowel being removed.

- There now, says the woman in white proudly.

Alice opens her eyes carefully, and sees her head bowel lying atop the table next to Beatrice's.

The woman in white takes out a scalpel!

- Are you... are you... going to... cut in my brain?! says Alice.

- Yes, says the woman and Alice closes her eyes again.

A disgusting cutting sound is heard.

- There now. Now there is room for the microchip.

Alice wonders if she still can think, and realize she can. What exactly did they cut away?!

- Okay. Now they've seen enough. Put them out.

Two more syringes are being brought out, and injected into the arms of the children.

Alice feels how she very quickly starts losing consciousness.

Chapter Two

Alice awakens. The alarm clock from her cell phone hurts her ears.

She looks around. She is in her bedroom.

- Good morning darling, says her mother Elinor.

- MOTHER! yells Alice and jumps out of bed and hugs her mother.

- Wow, says Elinor. Did you have a nightmare or something?

Alice is shaking in her whole body.

- Or something...

Alice lets go of her mother’s arms and runs into the bathroom and locks behind her. She looks into the mirror. Puts her hair backwards. Forwards. To the sides. But how much she even messes with her hair, and mirrors herself, she cannot see anything of the operation she was undergoing on the spaceship.

WAS it just a dream?!

No. It was NOT. It was all too real to be a dream. But... how did she come home again? She cannot remember being beamed down. Or how she ended up in her bed.

Alice walks out of the bathroom and into her bedroom again and picks up her cellphone. She looks after the video of them wrestling with the twins. But cannot find it! She dials a familiar number. It is to Beatrice.

Riiing. Riiing. Riiing.

- God damn it, answer, says Alice.

- Be... Beatrice.

- Beatrice! Thank god! says Alice.

- Alice... says Beatrice. I... had such a terrible dream about us...

- It was NOT a dream, says Alice. We WERE beamed up by alie... by humans. From the future!

Beatrice does not respond at first. But then says:

- It... must have been a dream. Because I do not see a TRACE of them drilling in my head!

- But you IDIOT, says Alice. You do understand, that we cannot have dreamt the same dream!

- I... I have to prepare for school now.

- Don’t you DARE hang up on me!

*click*

Alice calls Beatrice back up again, but is met by:

"The person you are trying to reach cannot be reached right now..."

- For HEAVEN’S SAKE Beatrice!

She sends away an angry text: "I hope the microchip hurts in your head!"

Yes, the microchip. What was if FOR?! And also, the part of her brain they cut away... maybe it wasn't so important?

Alice hopes so, and dresses.

Alice wanders over the school yard. She walks past some younger children who become frightened to death when they see her. She walks towards her classroom, when she bumps into the twins Cecilia and Dorothea.

- You! they say in unison.

- You're back?!! Says Cecilia.

- Yes. You hadn't expected that, had you?!

- God...

- Damn it... says the twins.

- So... says Cecilia. What happened?

- What do you mean happend, says Alice.

- On the SPACESHIP of course, says Dorothea.

Alice becomes silent. The horrible images of last night appear in her head.

- I'm... not telling, Alice says and tries to smile her usual evil grin.

The twins look in contempt at her.

- You owe me eight hundred dollars for a new cell phone, says Cecilia.

- About your phone, says Alice to Dorothea, the one that still worked, is the video still there?

The twins look in contempt at her again.

- No. Strangely enough it isn't. It's just a bunch of static over the whole clip.

Alice smiles.

- Just what you deserve.

Beatrice shows up.

- Beatrice! says Alice.

The walk away from the twins, who keep yelling about money.

- Why did you turn off your phone?! says Alice.

- I... I don't know... I just don't... feel like talking about it... Let's just drop it, okay.

- DROP IT?! Are YOU INSANE?!

- Welcome in, says their teacher Fredrika.

In the classroom.

- Okay I hope you studied well last night, says Fredrika.

Damn it! thinks Alice. The test! There was no TIME to study for the test!

The teacher starts handing out the test papers.

Alice sighs and looks down on it.

But when she reads it she cannot believe her eyes.

- Ha... hahaha, she starts laughing.

Beatrice cracks open a smile as well.

The test. It looks so... childishly easy!

Alice grabs her pen.

 

 

Author's Note

Really interested on how you like this? I really am trying hard to write differently than others and come up with new things, even when I am recycling old and tried ideas. =)

Reviews

[JayG]

You certainly are writing differently. Problem is that only you know what your intent is.

Think about it. They have been refining the fiction-writing process for centuries, as they learned what works and what doesn't. Now you've made up what you think is a great new way to write. I can appreciate the effort, but what are the odds that someone who has taken no time to study the lessons learned over the years will astound the world and make readers cry out, "My god this is amazing?"

Look at the writing as a reader—who has zero knowledge of either your intent, the setting, or the characters—must. Bear in mind that as they read the opening the reader has no idea of where we are in time and space, who we are, or what's going on. So the only meaning they can take is what the words suggest based on their background, not your intent.

"- OFF with your PANTIES! screams Alice 10 years old to the twin girls in the sandbox."

1. Alice 10 years old? You thought that the reader, who is seeing this for the first time would would somehow know to pause after the name, as if there was a comma? The reader has only what the words say, not what you intended them to mean.
2, Other than decoration, what's the leading dash for? You might have intent for how it's to be seen, but since you don't tell the reader...
3. First we "hear" the shout, and then we learn who it's shouted at. Shouldn't the reader know the setting, and the speaker first, so they can "hear" the tone of voice and visualize it happening?
4. So the unknown girls are in underwear in the sandbox? Seems a bit odd. Perhaps if the reader had a clue of where we are, who is shouting, and why, it might make sense.

You know exactly how to read the words. You know what emotion to place in the voice, and what's going on. The reader? Confused, they will turn away. So why not present your story in a way they can appreciate?

Your reader has been choosing only professionally written and prepared work since the day they began to read. So they expect your work to be written with the knowledge and skills used to create what they normally choose to read. Given that, spending a bit of time, and perhaps a few coins on your basic writers education would seem to make sense. After all, they offer four year majors in fiction writing at the universities. Surely some of what those people learn is necessary. Right?

The short version: You wanna play the game you gotta know the rules. And here are two:

1. Professions are acquired in addition to our schooldays writing. That means we leave our schooldays exactly as well qualified to write fiction as to pilot a commercial airliner.
2. We work to please our reader. and to do that we must take their needs, and expectations into account. They are NOT required to adjust to us. If the professional skills of fiction work for the people who wrote the books you loved reading they will work for you...if you take the time to visit the library's fiction-writing section and learn those professional skills.

You can't become a doctor be saying, "I'm a doctor." You can't be an engineer, or practice any other profession without learning and mastering the necessary skills.

So if you want to write—and I hope you do—the only shortcut to writing I know of is to stop looking for a shortcut.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Mr Van Horn]

I appreciate your comments, however, I really do wonder what you mean with practically ALL your advice? =)

1) What? People write like this all the time in books with dialog. A comma or not, this IS how they write :)?
2) "The leading dash" is of course, as you already probably know(???), supposed to be a quotation dash: ―, however, of course it's easier to just type a normal - instead in a word processor such as notepad++ which I am using. A lot of people have stopped using ― in favor of - in PRINTED books as well. OR maybe you just have not SEEN quotation dashes before and is used to " marks? :) It's very common in Sweden where I am from, and other parts of the world.
3) Even hugely popular Orson Scott Card does this :) Look at the beginning of his classic book, Ender's Game:

"I've watched through his eyes, I've listened through his ears, and I tell you he's the one. Or at least as close as we're going to get."

"That's what you said about the brother."

"The brother tested out impossible. For other reasons. Nothing to do with his ability."

See? He goes a step even further, he writes just dialog without any context what so ever! :) I think dialog is very soothing for the reader to begin with instead of descriptions. This is NOT an amateur mistake, but seasoned pros use it!
4) No, the girls are wearing skirts, however, they could as well be wearing pants... it really does not matter, as everyone is wearing underpants underneath their clothes. However, sure I guess I could describe that they are wearing skirts.

But thank you for taking your time with this. =)

Best of wishes
Mr Van Horn

[JayG]

• I appreciate your comments, however, I really do wonder what you mean with practically ALL your advice?

That's simple: Learn what it is you're trying to do. You please the customer or they turn away.

• 1) What? People write like this all the time in books with dialog. A comma or not, this IS how they write :

No, it's not. Of the two of us, I'm the one people paid to learn why their work wasn't selling. I'm the one who has been through the publishing process many times. And i;m the one who pays income tax on royalties.

You're free to write in any way you choose to, of course. And if you' don't want to learn the skills of the profession it's your choice. It certainly doesn't hurt me.

You have two stories posted on this profile, and the only comment comes from one of your other profiles (you laid it on way to thick).

• Even hugely popular Orson Scott Card does this

Orson writes well. You should visit his site. You'll find me there. But that aside, you're doing nothing even close to what he does. On your first line alone, there are four guaranteed rejection points, and in all of what you have posted you're trying to write fiction with the nonfiction skills we're given in grade school. Can't be done. Have your computer read the story aloud. That's what the reader gets instead of what you intended.

• No, the girls are wearing skirts, however, they could as well be wearing pants

They are wearing only what you make the reader know they're wearing. You see them dressed in your mental image, but you forgot to give that picture to the reader. So they have only what you typed, not what you intended. You have someone demanding underpants be removed, rather than saying "all their clothes," so you have told the readr that the panties are visible. Not what you meant, but it IS what you said. Clarity is your JOB. And you're not there to explain when it's read. So you damn well better take into account what the reader's reaction is apt to be and choose the words that will make the reader see the scene you visualize. In this, you don't. And you make the mistake of thingking that the reader will see what you intend them to see without ever placing them on the scene.

There's a LOT more to writing fiction than sitting down at the keyboard and typing. It took you YEARS of practice to learn what you know of nonfiction writing. But at this time you literally know none of the techniques of writing fiction, which are not at all like what you're trying to use.

If you want to be a fiction-writer, first you have to become one. No way around that, because we're not taught it in school, and we no more learn to write by reading fiction than we learn to cook by eating.

But I'm not saying anything you want to hear to hear, so I'll just wish you luck with your writing head out.

Or, you could send the manuscript to a publisher, and make lots of money, proving me wrong.

But in the end, someone you don't know took time he didn't have to give you to help you become a better writer. Your response was to try to convince me that you know all you need to know.

That's okay. As they say, you can lead the horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

[Mr Van Horn]

Well I am trying to learn from what you say, and I will try and let some more people read it and see what they have to say something similar :)

But, for example, I really don't see the difference between Orson Scott Card's way of writing dialog and my own.


"You have two stories posted on this profile, and the only comment comes from one of your other profiles (you laid it on way to thick)."

Uuh no my friend :)) That was a genuine review. The "proof" is: if your read HIS(/her?) writing style and compare it to mine there are a lot of differences. For one, he/she uses " " which I never use. Well. I will start using it now that I learned from you that Americans/English ppl practically don't ever see the "Swedish" "talk dash" =D

Well anyway, thank you for your time :)

[JayG]

• That was a genuine review.

Hmmm….let’s see. Your story posted on 3/6/17. And by 2019, when the sock-puppet arrived, your work was buried under two years of daily postings. Yet eight months ago your one reviewer breathlessly claims, “I just joined here a few minutes ago and your story was the first one I have read.” So this person—whose work shows the same ignorance of fiction-writing technique, plus the same kiddie-porn obsession—just happened to pick your piece by chance?

Seriously?

The short version: Stop expecting the world to acclaim your brilliance. Meet them halfway: learn how to write fiction.

[Mr Van Horn]

Hehehe. I cannot convince you of the truth :) But that's ok. And I still do appreciate you taking your time here. Will visit your site in order to learn more!

Peace!