Up All Night

Thoughts they flood my mind

Trying not to cry

Overwhelmed with emotion

So much I want to die

Where did all this start?

Why do I feel so bad?

I'm happy living life one moment

Then the next minute I'm sad

I lay on my back at night

Staring up into space

Consumed by darkness

Confronting my demons face to face

Did something happen to me

Or was I born this way?

Surely I'm not alone

Feeling the way I do

There must be someone out there

That feels the same way too

Maybe one day we'll meet

Tell each other tales

Help each other with our problems

Be the wind to each other's sail

Until that day comes I wait

I smoke to calm me down

To make my thoughts abstract

Sifting through the bullshit

To try and find the facts

It's not normal thinking this

With that I have no doubt

Why would it be that killing myself

Is the only logical way out?

It's a permanent solution

To which there's no backing out

The uncertainty of an afterlife

Scares me and fills my head with doubt

I know that people love me

I know that people care

It's the thought of leaving them behind

That my heart just can not bear

How heavy my conscience

Devastation ensues

The easy way out

Is too tempting to choose

I try to get my thoughts out

With paper and with pen

I bid my worries goodbye

Until depression calls again