Spark.

In which Bowser kidnaps a mustached human, and another human. Except. . he falls for one.

                          "How the f**k does this happen?" Mars groans, bumping his head against the cage's bars, accidentally swaying it, making the green-clad male squeal in terror. "Oh, shut up, we're fine."

                          "B-B-But we could've fallen in!" Mars raises a brow. "So?"

                          "So?!" He repeats, bewildered. "Yeah. so-"

                          "Red-haired human. The king requests your presence."

                          "F****n' rude of you to interrupt me. I was just telling this wuss, that-"

                          "As much as I'd love to chat, the king needs you. Urgently."

                          "So? What's turtlezilla want?" The elder koopa furrows his brows, fed up with Mars' behaviour. The two had been held captive for a total of three days. "Please. Could you try to cooperate this once?"

                          "Nah." The elder koopa sighs. "Come on. Off you go. Get." Mars grunts at being poked with the pointy stick of a wand. "I'm going, d****t."

                                                     __________________

                          "What do humans like?"

                          "F**k should I know? I go out of my way to avoid people." The king's eye twitches. "You've got a death wish, don't you?" The human stares boredly at him. "Pretty much." A sigh from the elder koopa. "My apologies, sire. They've been uncooperative since day one." Bowser hums. Impressed. One would think that hanging over a pool of lava for three days would break one's resolve, but not this human. This one had a steel resolve�"and witty remarks.

                          "So chucklenuts," Kamek massages his temples, trying to fend off an oncoming headache. "Hoo, boy,"

                          "King Bowser." Mars waves his hand. "Eh. Your name could be Rainbow Glitter Sparkles, and I would give even less of a s**t than I do now." He snorts. "I must say, your nonchalant behavior is admirable." Mars shrugs. "I also have a natural talent for annoying people,"

                          "I know, my head will not stop pounding because of you."

                          "Pretty sure it's because you're old." An offended squawk leaves the elder koopa. "Anywho-"

                          "I give up on you, human." Mars smirks, proud of himself. "Good."

                          "but-" He groans, "There's always a 'but'." The koopa King is amusedly watching the back-and-forth conversation between the Magikoopa and the human. "but, if you can prove your worth, you will be allowed to roam the castle freely-"

                          "Anything, I'm tired of being stuck in that cage with those loud fuckers," Mars groans, tilting his head backward. "And they stink too. I think I'm inhaling too much stupidity. It's melting my brain-"

                          "Starting to doubt you had one, to begin with-"

                          "Oy, I heard that, you old fart-" A chuckle from the king interrupts their banter, both of them turning to look at him with twin confused looks. Mars tilted his head in confusion, the thick headphones he usually wore around his neck for once. "How about we do a trial run instead?"

                          "Sire, you can't be serious-" The Magikoopa points to the human, who was sticking his tongue out at him and making crude gestures at the elder Magikoopa childishly. "You- Him? Out of all of our prisoners, it's him??" Mars is too busy trying to sneak over to the king's tail to touch it, only for the king to move it, making him flop on the floor. "Ah balls, I almost had it-" The king snorts at the use of the word 'balls', and the elder koopa sputters in response.

                          "See? This is why-"

                          "I'm-"

                          "Daddy!"

                          "Dad! Dad!"

                          "Papa!" The screaming of children causes the human to pull his headphones back on his head, and slip behind the throne. His claustrophobia was less important than being probed at by children. Kamek raises a brow at the sudden retreat but doesn't say anything.

                          "What is it? One at a time, all of you." Instantly, the children stop yelling, causing the koopa to chuckle. Mars' skin prickles weirdly at the sound. "Papa!" A small, squeaky voice shouts first, running to hug Bowser's leg. "What's up, Junior?"

                          "When will you marry Mama Peach?" Mars chokes on a little dust particle, and both from the question, though he quickly shuts it up once he hears little feet patter closer to the throne. "Soon, I promise."

                          "Daddy! Daddy! What about the human with the red hair? I wanna keep that one!" Mars choked again�"Kamek looking how he felt�"Mortified. 'What the f**k?' He mouths to Kamek, whose mouth just hangs open. "I'll think about it-"

                          "Pops, can you read lil' big bro a story tonight? I'm tired of reading to him, and I hate doing the little voices."

                          "Oh! Oh! Me too!" Bowser chuckles. "Of course. I always have time for you all. Kamek, clear my schedule, if there's anything that needs to be done, tonight." Kamek mutters something incoherent to himself as he floats away. "Daddy, what's that smell? It smells like. . ." Mars sniffs himself, concerned they're smelling him. Well. Considering that they're not human, yeah, it's most likely. "Charkle? Chackle? Chartle-"

                          "Charcoal?" An older voice suggests. "Yeah! That word! Don't you guys smell it too?" Holy s**t, they did smell him! There's a brief moment of silence, little sounds of sniffles in the moment of silence. "Yeah, I smell it too! It's. . kinda nice. Like a hug!"

                          "Yeah! like Daddy's hugs!" Said koopa chuckles again. "Right. Well, get back to your studies before Kammy drags you back." The kids whine as they leave the throne room and Mars rolls out from behind the throne with a small 'ouf.'

                          "Thought I smelled you. Why were ya hidin'? Scared?" Mars huffs, sitting up to glare at the king with bright green eyes. "No. You wish." The king smirks. "I just don't like kids. They're cute and s**t until they start probing you and s**t. Nothin' against your kids in particular, they sound like good kids, got a kickass dad�"and they seem cool. So." Silence. "Why're you staring at me? Stop that."

                          ". . .So, basically, what I'm hearing is. . you think I'm a great dad?"

                          "Why was that the only thing you got out of what I said-"

                          "No, no. I heard you, of course. The fact that you think I'm a good father makes me proud. From a prisoner, at least."

                          "Eh, I don't feel like a prisoner-" Bowser snorts. "I've noticed. You're having the time of your life." The human rolls his eyes as if it's obvious. "Well, duh. I don't have to f****n' wake up early to get to college, and I don't gotta fix pipes�"god, I hate fixing pipes-"

                          "You a plumber? Like Greenie?" Mars raises a brow. "Huh? Nah. I'm an engineer, actually. I work at this busted little garage joint in New York. The pay's great, work's great�"'cept the gloves. I hate those gloves. The texture's so ew-"

                          "And engineer, huh?" The king murmurs to himself, seemingly thinking. "You think you could get the hang of fixing a kart if you learn the basics?" Mars perks up, interested. "I'm a pretty quick learner. What's up? Got somethin' in mind?"

                          "I have a proposal," The king chimes, making Mars grin. "I may have an answer," The king chuffs. "In exchange for you roaming the castle freely, and having a room to yourself, I will need your expertise in fixing up karts and ships." Mars hums, elongating the noise just to be a bit annoying, before nodding, swinging keys around his finger�"wait, when did he get those-? "When'd you get those?"

                          "Snatched 'em off of Danny," The king sighs, massaging his temple with one clawed hand, "Stars d****t, Danny-" Mars grins wider. "You work fast,"

                          "That I do, big guy." Bowser raises a brow, but he's not offended by it like he should be. Seeing as Mars was so damn laid-back and nonchalant, he had no problem with the human calling him casual names, or even things like 'big guy'. "Big guy?" He repeats, grinning amusedly, causing the human to scoff. "What, would you prefer I call you 'big boy?' I mean, if that's what you're into, then-"

                          "And I'm ending this conversation here- Kamek!" He raised his voice just a bit, glancing at the human, but it didn't seem to make them flinch, as did other loud noises. And in a puff of blue smoke, Kamek appears. "See what you can do about Peach's room to make it more. . . to the human's tastes." Seeing as he didn't know the human's name, nor their pronouns, he didn't overstep. And he had a feeling Mars was like Lemmy. in the sensitive aspect. Lemmy was sensitive to certain fabrics, foods, smells, and sounds. Most of the time it would cause him to cry.

                          "Right. Of course, sire. And your schedule has been cleared for the rest of the day." Bowser nods in acknowledgment, waving his hand, and shooing the Magikoopa away.

                          "So, that's the geezer's name. I'm gonna call him Kam every time I see him." Bowser snorts abruptly. "Oh stars, please do, that will make my day."

                                                    __________________

                          "Sire, the room has been suited to their tastes as requested�"what in stars name are you doing up there?!" Kamek nearly screeched in distress at the human casually sitting atop the King's shoulders messing with his hair, as the King looked through the kitchen for something that would suit the human's tastes, but he was stressing internally because he knew it wasn't going to be the exact same as Lemmy's particular diet, yet he was still stressing. "Erm, sire. . What, if you don't mind me asking, are you looking for? We have chefs, your Stressedness,"

                          "I'm not stressed."

                          "You so are,"

                          "You're not helping!" Mars grins, continuing to run his fingers through the king's hair. "Feels like I'm touching clouds- why's your hair so soft? I want your shampoo�"I need it. Gimme." Bowser huffs. "Stop."

                          "No." Bowser sighs, "I didn't want to have to do it, but," He clears his throat, cheeks warm. "Could you please stop pestering me while I look for something to feed you?"

                          "I'm not a kid-"

                          "Don't act like one."

                          "Make me." Kamek clears his throat, to get the two hard-headed males' attention. "If you would allow me, sire, I will make sure the human is accounted for." Bowser grunts, but makes no movement to neither set the human down, nor does he try and protest. "Sire?" Bowser hums, blinking back into reality as he stops rummaging through the cabinets. "The human. I can take care of them."

                          Mars narrows his eyes at the Magikoopa suspiciously, before he grins. "But I don't wanna get down," Mars pouts, clinging to the gargantuan (maybe he exaggerated a bit, but Bowser is huge) koopa, who blushes. "Human-"

                          "See? I can handle them, Kamek," Mars smirks, and sticks his tongue out childishly at Kamek. "Alright. But, if you don't mind, I would like to supervise. We wouldn't want the human to fall and crack their skull, now would we?" That was. . . oddly descriptive. "That sounded like a threat. Are you threatening me-"

                          "Kamek, stop threatening the human," Kamek squawks at the accusation. (Which was false, obviously.) "Human, stop provoking Kamek. There. Now, is everyone happy?" Mars groans. "No,"

                          "Good? Okay. Now, where was I-"

                          "In the middle of stressing over what to feed a human," Kamek never thought he'd live to see the day when Roy would manage to scare Bowser, but he did. "Roy-!" Bowser shouts, causing the human to wince and quickly pull the headphones onto his head, brows furrowed. Roy knows that look. It's the look Lemmy has on his face when he's either going to cry, or he's overwhelmed. "I've gotcha pops. Leave 'em to me." Roy jabs a thumb at himself confidently.

                          "Also, why is the human on your shoulders, pops?" The human blinks, and it seems even he doesn't know why he's up there. "I. . uh. . . don't know." Roy blinks, raising a brow. "You. . don't know?"

                          "I dunno either, but I'm having fun," Mars continues to fidget with Bowser's hair, grinning. Roy cracks a smile as he pats his dad's arm. "I've got 'em, pops." Sighing, Bowser finally sets Mars down, who huffs, (and definitely doesn't pout! He doesn't pout.) and frowns as the king walks away. "Now, let's find something for you to eat," Roy nudges the human as he steps into the kitchen.

                          "What do you say we ditch Kamek and go karting?"

                          "I don't know what karting is, but it sounds f****n' awesome," The two glance at Kamek, who looks suspicious of their behavior, and then they look back at each other. "But how do we keep him distracted?" Mars hums, thinking, before a devious grin spreads on his face. "Wanna see something cool?" Roy grins wildly. "Lay it on me,"

                          Mars grins wider and cups his hands, bright green fire suddenly sparking up in his hand. "Woah. ." Mars glances at him mischievously. "Not yet. On three, I'll make a distraction, and then we run, alright?" Roy nods, and Mars holds up one finger, inching over to Kamek slowly. Slowly, he holds up a second finger, inching a bit closer. Once he holds up the third finger, Mars grins, "Yo, Kam!"

                          The Magikoopa whips around quickly, and Mars throws the small ball of fire on the ground, and it dissipates, green smoke filling the kitchen, yelping when Roy grabs his wrist and they're zooming through the castle. Mars wasn't sure if he'd ever had so much fun before. The two were laughing and whooping excitedly as they rounded the corner. "Hold on tight," Only for Roy to suddenly let go of Mars' wrist, and then get on all fours, "Wha-" Mars doesn't get the chance to say anything before he's flying through the air.

                                                            ______________

                          
                          Bowser sighs, rubbing his temple in annoyance. He f*****g hated paperwork. "Kamek!" He shouts, and it takes an extra few seconds for the Magikoopa to officially pop into the room, "Yes, sire?" Bowser raises a brow at the wheezing Kamek had just done, but doesn't speak on it. "Roy. Show me his progress with the human." Clearing his throat, Kamek swipes his hand over the glass ball resting on Bowser's desk, mostly untouched if not for him using it to spy on the princess.

                          It shows Mars and Roy running around the castle, giggling. "Sire, I-"

                          "Kamek." The Magikoopa swallows. "Erm. . Yes, sire?" He didn't sound mad. . but that could also prove to be a bad sign. "We're keeping the human."

                          There's a cluster of loud yells of, 'what?!' outside the door, before it swings open with an unimpressed-looking Ludwig, and his six other siblings falling onto the floor, toppling over one another. Junior wiggles from underneath his siblings to plant his hands on his hips. "We're gonna have a new mama?!" Junior squeals and Bowser finds himself at a loss of words, cheeks warm. “Why would you want a new Mama? Your Mama Peach will be here, soon.”

                          “But I don’t want Mama Peach! I want the human! I want the human that’s playing with Roy!” Bowser suppresses a sigh at the way Junior’s lip trembles, and his eyes well up with tears. “I want a new Mama!” Junior runs out of the office, wailing. Bowser starts to stand, but Kamek shakes his head. "He just needs time, sire."

                                             _______________

                          Roy had broken off to go use the bathroom and left Mars to his own devices in Roy's shared room, only for the door to open, and a small, colorful-haired koopa child stood before him. "Uh-"

                          "Why are you on Roy's bed?" Mars blinks. "He had to use the bathroom-"

                          "He's in the playroom." Mars takes a moment to process the child's words before he scrambles off of the bed. "That little s**t-" Mars mutters, as he heads over to the door, only for the child to stop him. "Wait! Uh. . um. . ." They seem to be nervous now that they've got his attention. "What's up, kiddo?" He asks, crouching down to meet their eyes.

                          "Um. ." They fidget, looking down at their feet nervously. (they're so small, he just wants to pick them up and put them in his pocket-) "Can. . . Can you be out new Mama? We don't like Mama Peach." Mars' mind goes blank, as does his expression. "Uh. . ." He's totally dumbfounded, and it makes the kid look even more uncomfortable. ". . .Well. . sure?" He mutters, suddenly finding his voice again. "Why not?" They look relieved, and then they smile so brightly, it melts his heart, and hurts his eyes.

                          "What's the worst that can happen?"