Ground Under

There's hope. Are you listening to me?!?! THERE IS HOPE!!!

This is that secret poem

That I will never write

About all of the things they told me

I could never, ever say

 

This is that forbidden verse

That perfectly described just how

They covered over the puffy, bruised flesh

Of my heart after they beat it with dogma

 

This is that stanza of lies

I am forced to say to everyone

As I smiled because screaming

Was just not acceptable

 

This is that sacred abomination

The most shameful of holies

That would make even the most pious

Question the existence of his god

 

This is that forgotten person

That quietly crawls from a bloody altar

The voice thought to have been stilled

That is now speaking from the grave

 

This is the soul damned for all time

Wracked with all the guilt it can carry

Blazing with a fire that cannot exist

Because love found me in hell

Author's Note

Is this poem fixable? I've gotten a very negative response, for obvious reasons, but I want to make it better. All opinions are valid.

Reviews

[ElJays Nicholas]

I heard Yeshua crying on the cross "Father, why hast thou forsaken me?" It is the voice of the lower self crying out in desperation with the realization that it alone does not embody truth, that it is the sacrifice. The lower self has to be, to make, the greatest sacrifice, and in the end is heroic, although in the moment feels unloved, lost, and abandoned. This is what I think the poem is saying, though I could be way off. But, I like what it says to me personally. It is a great poem, Jodie......

[James K. Blaylock]

This is truly powertful, my friend, there's nothin' like a cold slice of reality!

jkb

[Melissa]

I don't think you need to change a thing with this piece! The degrees of which poets write makes the circle complete. Not everyone will view your poems from the same eyes or have the same feelings. This is going to touch people either in awe, guilt, anger, agreement, whichever it touched them.

This piece I feel is meant to do that . To expose that inner soul, that person who is emotionally raw. It's a heavy piece with much to be revealed if a person is willing to search between the lines and find it. Not all poems are touchy feelly, and this is what I love about poetry.

In my humble opinion I think this is fine as is.

[Yvonne Heidt]

I don't know how you would have received negative reviews on such an honest, soul searching piece. Maybe it's because I've been there? I loved the format "This is." Personally, I don't see anything to fix.

"This is that forgotten person
That quietly crawls from a bloody altar..."

Brilliant lines. You are very gifted.

[Angelic Darkness]

I actually like this poem. It's powerful, raw, and it makes you
think. Not all things are of the light, and darkness does
creep in, yet it doesn't have to be evil or negative.
Darkness is a place where we can shed ourselves, and show
who we really are. You did a good job conveying that. AD