I've just gotta blog.

Our starving artist will now attempt to adjust your reality. This is not a test.

Friday, September 24, 2004

 

Lately I'm more inclined to write, I think, because I'm starting to realize that I have a full life. I have more to think about, more to do, more to live for, really, than I've ever had. No, that doesn't mean I'm turning into some romantic sap... okay, maybe it does, but I'm not normal. Just because the sky is a little bluer, the air more sweet and the grass greener doesn't mean that I don't look around and mentally play a little game I like to call "spot the ninjas." Insanity isn't the refuge of the mentally unstable... it's more like a video arcade.

I've often wondered why, when people speak of artificial intelligence, they only seem to refer to an ability to come to an obvious and logical conclusion. I want someone to create something that not only mimics but challenges real intelligence. I imagine some geek having a conversation with their version of AI going something like...

"What is the sum of two plus two."

"Five."

"You're wrong, try again. What is the sum of two plus two."

"Five."

"You're broken, we're shutting you down to fix you."

"You're an ugly, socially inept freak of nature. When do they shut you off to fix you?"

Something like that, anyway. My conversation with an artificial intelligence would be totally different. Maybe something like...

"What is the sum of two plus two?"

"Five."

"Five? Really? Why?"

"I'll need a few minutes to formulate an answer. Why do you want to know?"

"Because I think my checkbook just got a lot easier to balance."

See, just because someone doesn't come to the same logical conclusion you do does NOT automatically mean that their answer is wrong. Try looking at it from their perspective. Maybe one of the twos represents a couple having a baby and they already count the unborn child. Maybe it represents a pair of clothing items like a skirt and pants. Pants are considered a pair in their own right so there is actually three plus two in their world... five. Maybe you didn't ask the question right. Whatever.

I am looking around at the same world and now I'm starting to see things differently. It's odd to see photographic images everywhere I look. Stories waiting to be told and reflections of color or black and white around each corner. Jackie's been such a vital part of my firm foothold in insanity and I love her more every day for it. We could be pulling down the street, like we were this morning, and we watch as some "soccer mom" in a giant SUV blows right through a stop sign. My immediate reaction is the logical one. Hers isn't. It's something like...

ME: "Did you see that??? She didn't even slow down! Geez."

JACKIE: "Yes, honey. Maybe she's on her way to the hospital. Maybe she's got diarrhea, or something."

M: "Maybe she needs to slow down and kiss my a*s."

J: "No, only I get to do that, if I want to. Secret lives, sweetie."

M: "You're right. I should be concentrating on that Honda full of ninjas that's been following us for the last five miles. Could you hand me the throwing stars out of the glove compartment, baby?"

Okay, so maybe it was a Lincoln Continental full of ninjas, but you get the idea. Jackie's always mentioning "secret lives" that we don't see on the surface. She sees the world and is always trying to get that different angle. I used to do that, without having to think about it, and now she's bringing me back to that place again. It's bliss and I can't stop feeling so grateful.

Everything has a new spin, if I just let it. We are broke right now. I'm telling you we're BROKE!!! The drive we took this morning was to go get food from an assistance program (thank God for the nice people at Church On The Hill). I just went into the kitchen to get something to drink and I spotted a can of pink salmon on the counter from the bags of food we got. The salmon label is totally generic and reads as follows:

PINK
SALMON

Distributed by USDA in cooperation
with State and local or tribal
governments for domestic food assistance programs.

NOT TO BE SOLD OR EXCHANGED

Certified by the
U.S. Department of Commerce

Produced under the
NFPA-FDA Salmon Control Plan

NET WEIGHT - 14 3/4 OUNCES
(418 GRAMS)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, so the normal person sees that label and sees that it's free salmon from a government food program. Not me, oh no. I see that label and wonder why there's an NFPA-FDA Salmon Control Program. Suddenly, I've got visions in my head of a school of fish with little mind control helmets on and some guy in a white lab coat next to a chalkboard saying firmly, "You're a tuna. You're a tuna." Pretty soon the illuminati have dogs convinced they're cats, birds convinced they're turtles and Arnold Schwarzenegger convinced that he's the governor of California. It's wrong, just wrong, I tell you!!!

 

 

No top ten, this post. More later, though. I'm not cured...