Mercy General Blog.

A quick trip to the hospital and suddenly the world takes on a whole new perspective. Who hasn't gone through that? Okay, fine. You in the white robes with the wings. You're off the mailing list.

Monday, November 08, 2004

 

Bless me reader for I have sinned. It's been WAY too long since my last confession. Okay, okay, I know that it's not the confessional but I've been overwhelmed with so much since the last time I blogged that I feel guilty. See, not too long after I wrote that last entry Jackie started having blackouts. Not your normal "I feel light-headed" then faint kind of blackouts. Oh no. She would be fine, one minute, and the next her eyes would start to close, her head would fall forward on her chest and she wouldn't respond to anything or move. The crazy thing is she was able to hear me, just not respond. It scared the hell out of me.

We ended up at the emergency room on Friday, October 29th. That was a fun day. Excuse me while I have my tongue extracted from my cheek. The medical profession freely admits that it's not an exact science and that they don't quite know "everything," yet. However, what they aren't admitting is that the entire profession seems to be populated by some of the most cynical, paranoid and neurotic people on the planet. I mean seriously!!! We met some really cool nurses during our twelve hour stay in the hallway of the emergency ward. Yes, TWELVE HOURS IN THE HALLWAY. Proof that the so-called epidemic they keep talking about is very real and moving towards crisis. It almost makes your heart break when the doctors can't afford to park their BMW in the handicapped space next to the fishing boat the pharmaceutical company bought them.

Let me explain something about Jackie and me. We don't like taking prescription medications unless it's necessary. Not for any overly dramatic reason, and we don't preach abstinence to others, it's just a personal choice. We've both cut out a lot of prescriptions for various health problems we suffer from by educating ourselves about natural supplements. It's working for both of us. However, the doctors don't see it that way. Once they found out that Jackie doesn't take the prescription medications that were recommended they assume that her condition was stress and merely psychosomatic. Jackie spent five days in the hospital and went through a whole battery of tests. Blood work (including an acetylcholine panel), CT scan, X-Rays, EKG, EEG... oh, and several requests to see if she wanted to talk to the hospital psychiatrist. All so the doctors could shrug their shoulders and say they can't find anything wrong with her. Not without scaring the crap out of us, first.

Oh, they suggested everything from cancer to AIDS. They tested her for fibromyalgia, negative, myasthenia gravis, negative, transient ischaemic attacks (TIAs) also called mini-strokes, negative, Lupus, negative... now we're still waiting for the results of the EEG to find out if she's got some form of epilepsy or some other seizure disorder. We also need to find out if she's got multiple sclerosis (MS). And the ride continues.

Not one answer, nothing. They don't have a clue. So that means that Jackie's insurance company is going to be charged thousands of dollars so that a bunch of people can say, "We think she's faking it." Does that seem right to you? You either get an answer, and possibly a cure, or zilch. I know somewhere else where that happens. It's called Las Vegas. Really, if you think about it they're a lot alike, but in a lot of ways Vegas is much better.. In fact, this episode's top ten is all about it.

The Top Ten Reasons Las Vegas Is Better Than The Hospital:

10. In Vegas if you spend enough money they'll give you extra stuff for free. At the hospital they charge you for every inch of toilet paper and bandage.

9. In Las Vegas you can catch a show, a lucky break or maybe a new romance that will make you want to stay. The stuff you can catch in the hospital will get you a an extended stay whether you like it or not.

8. In Vegas it's all you can eat. At the hospital it's cold cafeteria food they can't serve in schools any more.

7. In Vegas they make your bed and clean your room daily if you want them to. The hospital doesn't even offer a "do not disturb" sign.

6. In Vegas you can stay up all night and sleep all day. In the hospital, they wake you up every fifteen minutes, twenty-four/seven.

5. In Vegas they have cocktail waitresses. The hospital has a medication cart. (Okay, some people may think that one's a toss-up)

4. Vegas has flashing lights and musical beeps to tell you if you're a winner. At the hospital if there are that many lights and beeps you're in cardiac arrest.

3. In Vegas every room comes with a mini-bar stocked full of items to imbibe or ingest. In the hospital that little cabinet is stocked full of items no one wants in their body.

2. In Vegas you can lose your shirt at the tables. In the hospital you're already half naked before they make you lie down on the table and pump you full of radiation.

and the number one reason Las Vegas is better than the hospital:

1. In Vegas you get a floor show with naked women dancing. At the hospital it's old people in those cute little gowns that open in the back.

Have a great week, everyone.