A blog for the kids.

Written from deep inside the darkest warrens of the cellar under the doghouse. Yeah, I screwed up.

Friday, November 19, 2004

 

This is a confession and an apology. You see, I'm now the father figure in a family that fits me like a glove. We're meant to be together. The biggest problem is that I tend to see the things in those closest to me that I despise in myself. I'm guilty of poking fun at things that happen around me and laughing at the negatives without taking the time to point out the good things. I'm ashamed to admit it, but Jackie reminded me of that tonight. This is my small attempt to set that right.

J~ You'll be nineteen soon and you're being expected to act like an adult when you haven't properly been taught what that means. You've got enough heart to bring everyone around you to their knees. You smile and laugh when most people I've known would be running away as fast as they could. You love with reckless abandon even though you have every reason to be more jaded, cynical and paranoid than I am... on a daily basis, it seems. Don't ever lose your ability to care for your friends and family and you'll be a better person for it. I lose my patience because I have faith in who you are and I want you to be happy. I love you. Please forgive me.

M~ One of the first things your mother told me about you is that you've always seemed to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. I think she's right. The amazing thing is that you find goodness and joy everywhere you look. Even though you're so angry you still forgive and learn from the pain you feel. You have strength and determination that will make your wildest dreams possible. Reach for the stars... because if anyone I know can, you can. I love you. Please forgive me.

B~ Everyone jokes that you look and act like me. We laugh about it but secretly it's the most incredible complement I've ever been paid. You smile and it wipes all the tears away. Because you're the youngest you get teased the most but you never seem to let that get you down. That's more amazing than you'll ever know. You have a passionate, wide-eyed innocence that doesn't seem like it will ever go away. And I don't think it will because I think deep inside you're smarter, wiser and stronger than anyone realizes. Think for yourself, love for no reason and experience life for everything it promises. Out of all of us, you constantly teach us more than we teach you and help us find our way when we get lost. I love you. Please forgive me.

Well, the most poignant apology is for Jackie. It's also the most simple. Please don't ever stop expecting me to be a better person. If you ever did I'd know that I had lost you forever. I love you. Please forgive me.