Craving Everlasting Rest

Its funny how when you look back on some of your old writtings you see how far you have come... and Im not talking about a writting style i'm talking about the road of life.

 

I don’t think that I can continue to fake it

This broken and torn heart can’t take it

Thoughts of death, I just can’t shake

Images of moms and pops losing it at my wake

These emotional stakes are too high

Was always told to play the hand that was dealt

But still I am ready to fold

Mental road blocks are strong yet old

To hard to forget about the past

My engine is quickly running out of gas

Faster cars zoom past, while I’m struggling with cash,

The smart ones use EZ pass

Depression so deep that I often inhale hoping that it’s my last

I’m like a crash without the car

Caught sleeping at the wheel reflecting on back mental scars.

Will the world be a better place,

When I finally rest among the stars?

My only comfort seems to be this weed and drink

So my relief is found in the bars

Trying to write out my feelings through these poetic bars

Even then my happiness is so far

I feel like Tiger Woods with so much potential

Yet still shooting sub par.

Reviews

[Shellie]

I'm like a crash without the car

This line was exceptionally put, no pun intended but it gave the piece the BANG it was brewing up to in the middle. I like your style, esp the strong phrass like the line above. Great job.

[Shannon]

I really liked this. It was very amazing. You did a very good job!

[Emmie Girl]

This is amazing. It really made me rethink the way I see life. To be able to compare my so called suffering to the real thing. it made me see how in this upsetting world there are people ten times more miserable that I am.

***Comments are appreciated***

[Joanna Maharis]

A fascinating perspective about life. This piece is more than just a poem, in that it is a beautiful little story told in just a few words. I like the way the narrative is told with so much passion incorporated into the piece, in that you allow your audience to feel the narrators pain, agony and suffering. However, try incorporating similies and metaphores, along with some personification. These elements will help make the piece even stronger that what it already is.