Eyes of Beauty Exclude No Beholder

Wrote this before I went to sleep last night, enjoy!

Ivory bodies by the beach sing,

elephants sound their trunks in peace.

Not a soul as silent as the sunset.

Who would expect such detailed tunes,

by a voice so dissimilar to me?

Ivory baking in the bold sun,

hunters search for the one idolized.

They see a golden one before the sunrise, 

only arrows shoot the idealized.

An elephant rests her head,

on a rock beneath acacia.

She sings her son a song of sleep,

without the gift of ivory-

it's a beautiful lullaby.

Author's Note

New poet! Be kind, but advice and love is appreciated!

Reviews

[Allen Smuckler]

It's a terrific write TyRy ... good use of personification and illusionary imagery. There are ways you could make it more powerful by removing some unnecessary words. for example..."not a (single)soul as silent as...", ...such detailed tunes' "...(There)They see a golden...", (here)An elephant...one last thing the use of gerunds (words ending in "ing" tend to make it less forceful...might be stronger 1st line "Ivory bodies by the beach sing..." Good job TyRy. If you feel this is too critical, let me know and I want do it again.

[TyRy]

I appreciate your feedback! It really helps me get an idea of what I need work on as a poet! I will definitely be incorporating those suggestion. :)

[Red Brick Keshner]

I love the epic lines of verse and the subtle but definite shift to an intimate, homely, image much like madonna and child in a domestic sleep-time scene. Thanks for sharing.

[TyRy]

Thank you for the review! I’m really glad you enjoyed the poem!