Too loud to be proud

Just as things seemed to go from bad to worse. This is surely a curse. At times I'm guilty and at times I am not. To lose my old ways to make you proud. Even when you're not around. To be like others, who are simply the best. To seek your approval, I shall exceed the rest. Through all the blood and sweat, pain and misery. A speck of light for your delight. But it was right I did, and you did not smile. And so I ran a mile. But your shadow forever follows.

Author's Note

What do you guys think is there improvement in comparison to my previous poems.

Reviews

[mou]

It is well felt as I crossed this path at a point. The 'shadow' lingers! Is it because I could try a little more or things were left unappreciated (and still, it hurts) or I am regretting the 'both'. Poignant and heartfelt write
- mou

[MrBlack202]

"The shadow lingers" would have added more emotion to the poem. Thanks mou, you have my thanks.

[mou]

You're welcome

[Chris Shaw]

This poem gives me the feeling of not living up to the high expectations of another. It gives me a feeling of rejection. I did not see your original, so can’t comment on that. Rejection I might add, is the pits.

Chris

[MrBlack202]

Yes, in sense you're right. There's is the original poem and I appreciate your comment. I actually wanted to know if I improved because some of my work wasn't refined yet