Spamtastic

Short story about Love, a Hound dog and a pig.

                                                                         SPAMTASTIC!

                                                                By Mr.Bean  ( Ron Murray)

 

                                                                      Chapter 1 

                      

                     My uncle had a pig and his name was George. This pig loved watermelon and every year after we all planted watermelons for the new summer we would have to figure out a new strategy to keep George out of the patch. We would put up fences and he would walk right through them. This year we had to come up with a more aggressive idea. A neighbor had a mean ol hound dog that we borrowed and let it loose inside the fence surrounding the melon patch. The darndest thing happened; the mutt fell in love with George, the pig. Every time the pig would get in the melons, that stupid hound would be right beside George just "pigging out" on watermelons. The hound did not only fail to guard the melons from George, it also would spend the better part of the day humped up at the edge of the melon patch taking a dump. Melons caused the hound a major problem; "hound dog diarrhea." The “borrowed hound” idea was not efficient so we took “George” back to his home. The trip was not un-eventful; because of the watermelon addiction. Just before we left the hound managed to have one last “pig out” with George. We loaded the hound in the truck and didn’t drive down the road 50 feet when that hound cut loose with a howl and humped up right in the front seat of my uncle’s brand new Ford Pickup. The truck didn’t smell to new after that, and I ended up with the honor of escorting the dog home. The hound would hump up about every two minutes and lets loose with a barrage of melon seeds and howls.  This went on for about, what should have been a fifteen-minute walk, two hours! What a walk in the country that turned out to be. Well I finally got the dog home and its owner was non-the-wiser.

                                                                 

                                                                            Chapter 2

                The dog had settled down after getting home, but  was acting a little sluggish. I saw the Farmer a few weeks later and he started talking about how goofy his hound had been acting. All it would do was sit and look down the road towards our farm. He said it never barked or howled, didn’t act at all like it did(useto). Then he said when-ever any one would bring a watermelon out to eat, that ol’ hound would let out the most pitiful howl, tuck his tail between his legs, then run off and hide!  The only time that the dog would get excited was when the farmer had smoked ham for Sunday dinner. Said that dog would just turn real weird and he just couldn’t understand it. But I did because, “love does strange things to God’s critters” especially when you are in love with a pig named George!

 

                 After the Hound left, George had the melons all to himself. George didn’t seem to miss the hound too much and acted as if he didn’t care. I guess that relation ship was more hound than pig. Anyway pigs are like that, they don’t get to emotionally involved in a relationship. The problem was still unsolved, but not for long.  One day a truck delivered some feed for the hogs and chickens at about the time the driver was due for a lunch break. 

                 George had finished his daily feed in the melon patch and sauntered over by the feed truck for a little dessert. Feed always fell on the ground while it was being unloaded and George was always around to have a little snack. The driver was eating his lunch and set a can of lunch meat on the top of the truck. When the driver finished his lunch and the feed was unloaded, he jumped in the cab and drove away. The can toppled of the truck and hit the ground with a few bounces that got Georges attention. Thinking he was in for a neat treat the pig dashed to where the can had landed and stuck his snout in as far as he could get it and then let out the most ear drum breaking squeal that has ever come from a pig. George flipped that can about twenty feet in the air, spun around and headed for the pig hut. I was watching this and it just dumfounded me as to what caused “Fearless George” to act so scared. I thought that maybe the can had cut his snout or something so I walked to where the can was lying and picked it up. It looked kinda strange for a can, not being round and kinda flat. The label said, “Spam” 100% pure pork!

                                                             

                                                           Chapter 3

                        Now I had a solution to the melon patch problem. The next thing was to get some Spam; about 114 cans to be exact. My uncle and me ate Spam everyday, breakfast, noon and supper. We had Spam Sandwiches, Spam and eggs, Spam and Ice Cream, Spam oatmeal, Boiled Spam, Spam soup and Spam so much we had nightmares complete with Spam monsters. We even tried to make Spam coffee but couldn’t get the Spam out of the grinder!

                      As the cans were emptied a stick was driven in the ground and an empty Spam can was put on the top. This was done all a round the edge of the melon patch. George wouldn’t come near them Spam cans and we ended up that summer with a real nice watermelon crop. George did start acting a little strange after that. All he would do is sit at the end of the driveway and look down the road towards the house of the hound. I guess that he started missing that ol’ hound now that he couldn’t get the melons. 

I guess we could all learn something from that pig. You don’t know what you will miss until it is gone, so enjoy life, appreciate those who love you, and last but not least, EAT MORE SPAM its SPAMTASTIC!

The End, maybe!

Author's Note

Give it to me, I am not a writer except for my kids and friends. I am a painter so writing is not my palette. How-ever, I truly enjoy sharing my stories. I am open to constructive opinions and sharing of ideas.