Conviction

A man unravels as he is about to lose a lawsuit that might ruin him.

Sometimes when i tell the truth, I'm afraid that I'm actually lying and it's just a case of my memory being faulty. How could i know what's true and what isn't if I'm misremembering things? Most of the time i feel like a complete fraud. Anthony looked at Jacob, sitting across from him before resting his head in his arms on the table. Jacob sighed, this really isn't the time for these kinds of thoughts. How do you expect me to help you if I can't trust you. If you are lying about anything, it hurts my credibility as well. I put my a*s on the line for you! Jacob stared at Anthony's sunken body. I'm the one who has to deal with the aftermath, you'll be put away for a long time so who cares if you are a liar or not. I do this for a living and my life goes on afterwards, if i lie my reputation could be ruined. So you better pull yourself together... Anthony didn't move and his voice sounded muffled when he finally started speaking. I didn't say I WAS lying, i said that I was afraid that i might lie unknowingly. Jacob looked at him with bewilderment in his eyes, what in the world is the difference between those two things? Anthony lifted his head and looked Jacob in the eyes. Are we even supposed to have this kind of discussion, it doesn't professional of you. Jacob knew that Anthony was right, but he also knew that they were beyond professionalism at this point. He didn't reply and quietly packed his suitcase.

Anthony was leaning against the window, looking out the New York skyline, a thousand lights penetrating the darkness. Even though everything was happening right this moment, it had started to feel like a distant memory. The ongoing lawsuit that threatened would most likely ruin him and at worst: send him to prison for several years. Was he guilty? He could barely remember any more, he knew his intentions he'd been good, not that it mattered much at this point. Anthony was smiling as a faint knock on the door broke the silence. Can i talk to you for a minute?

What is real? They say that i did these things, the public seems to agree and yet I can't remember any of it. Then there's the matter of evidence, I've seen evidence that proofs that I did stuff that have slipped from my memory, this frightens me. Apparently I've said terrible things, things I remember saying that didn't seem particularly bad at the time. Is it a matter of context and perspective or was I in the wrong? I don't know any more and I'm not sure it really matters... The verdict is out, I'm guilty as sin, I'm done for and they finally got their comeuppance, everybody is happy.

Lydia's head peaked through a crack in the door opening. Anthony didn't answer and she took this as an invitation to enter. He was standing by the window in the far end of the room, all lights were off. What's going on with you? Don't you want some light? Lydia hit the light switch These past days... I barely recognize you any more, where's the man I married? Anthony was silent for a while. Days? Has it only been days? He muttered under his breath. Lydia could barely hear him. You really have changed Lydia said worriedly. This isn't the time though, we have to discuss the trial. Anthony looked at a distant point beyond Lydia, trying to pretend that he was looking her in the eyes. What's the use? It already happened, it's done, the trial is over. Lydia looked at him with concern in her eyes. Maybe I should come back at another time, this is obviously a bad time. She shut the door behind her and Anthony returned to the window.

They want you to sign this, and I would advice you to pull yourself together and read it through. This is a better deal than we can expect if we go to court. Jacob slides a stack of paper across the table towards Anthony. Anthony is staring at an old book, focusing on the corner that he has been unravelling for the past hour. A contract lies in front of him and Jacob hands him a pen. Please consider this, you won't regret it. Anthony looks up to meet Jacobs eyes, he finds it hard to focus and he can barely hold the pen. What do you think, not as my lawyer, but as Jacob, what does any of this mean? He slides the contract of the table without using much energy. Please, just leave me alone.

It feels like I'm floating, people enter my life and leave so fast that I have a hard time remembering their names. They all want different things and they all have different expectations of me. You lie, they say, you're guilty of this and that they say. Some are encouraging and say you are honest and that you can win this thing. Everybody has an opinion and it is all very confusing. I gaze at the horizon and try to shut off all my senses, the voices are loud and it's hard to concentrate, but I know that somewhere in the distance there's a place where I can be free. As I make an effort the voices start to die down, I'm finally in a place of tranquillity, free of worry. The judge asks an important question What do you plead? Everyone is looking at Anthony expectantly. Jacob sits beside him, as the minutes pass by the audience is growing weary. There's no answer. I'm drifting towards the horizon, finally I'm free.