The Journey

 I was riding through the hills of humanity

In a cold and steady winter rain

Where I would find myself again

Exposed to my disease by my transparency

 

There I sat upon a horse named suffering

Chained by my own advice

 Wandering down a trail called sacrifice

Along the way giving away everything

 

The rain turned into storms of my distress

Under nourished and over fed

i was Still alive but somehow dead

Going Into unforgiving canyons of my brokenness

 

There was something waiting just beneath a tree

Starving for my affection

Yet somehow lacking all direction

That’s where I finally found my humility

 

 I had discovered nature’s ointment

 My pains would slowly fade away

The clouds would part to greet the day

For in hope there is never disappointment

 

Author's Note

This feels like its missing something but im not sure. I will probably re-write it later. still looking for a good title.

Reviews

[Dani California]

There I sat upon a horse named suffering
Chained by my own advice


You really hit home with these lines ML. Yes, indeed.
Our suffering is usually brought on by our own hands..
our own choices.. we cause it and then cry about it.

Moving right along into your next stanzas, you see just how
much worse it can be.. suffering in a much greater way...
then putting everything neatly back where it belongs...
into perspective.
We are not alone... and with thankfulness comes hope...
into much brighter days.

I love your msgs. Truly ... I do. And as I've said before, your
already great writing gets better with each new piece.

Well done !! Again!

[MissRed]

There is some really beautiful language here! One of my favorites:
"There I sat upon a horse named suffering

Chained by my own advice

Wandering down a trail called sacrifice"

The rhyming is nice, but the visual you give with your language is great. I have no idea about a title either, but something will come to you. I have no idea what it is missing. I felt like you went from point A and ended in just the right note.

Have to tell you my other favorite:
"Under nourished and over fed

i was Still alive but somehow dead."
Lovely.

[Spoken]

i think this is simply amazing.. such powerful vivid descriptions, unique and well executed. I love the journey you've taken my mind on here...

[Shane Brooks]

there I sat on a horse named suffering chained to my own advice man that works on so many levels imagery is great it's like wandering the desert of the mind I dig it

[Dizzy-Izzy]

Oh I love hope, I had lost it for a time but, I have recently found it again.

"Yet somehow lacking all direction
That's where I finally found my humility"

I love that line. The feeling of throwing ones hands up in defeat... no... not defeat, maybe realization. We can't always fix everything. Surrender is not always the worst thing that can happen. Sometimes surrender leads to liberation... in a round-about way I spose.... this was great.

K

[Ape]

"Yet somehow lacking all direction

That's where I finally found my humility"


Excellent write.

[octane143]

Beautiful! I love the visuals this poem invoked. It's a true, beautiful (sorry to keep re-using that word) of transforming. Unchaining ourselves and being released from an...obsession, fear, whatever. I love the use of storm, rain and nature's ointment. The words are stuck in my head, and I feel as though I've been alobg this path myself. I felt the pain, despair and hopelessness at first, being curshed under the weight, and then it's lifted. Wonderful transformation! I love the way it's not ended with just a happy ending, but with hope. And where's there's hope...

Thank you for sharing it with me!
BEAUTIFUL!

[The Tao of Bri]

I really liked this a lot... I do not see a thing wrong with the allegory~ this path is very familiar to me lately and I can identify strongly with it.