The Journey

 I was riding through the hills of humanity

In a cold and steady winter rain

Where I would find myself again

Exposed to my disease by my transparency

 

There I sat upon a horse named suffering

Chained by my own advice

 Wandering down a trail called sacrifice

Along the way giving away everything

 

The rain turned into storms of my distress

Under nourished and over fed

i was Still alive but somehow dead

Going Into unforgiving canyons of my brokenness

 

There was something waiting just beneath a tree

Starving for my affection

Yet somehow lacking all direction

That’s where I finally found my humility

 

 I had discovered nature’s ointment

 My pains would slowly fade away

The clouds would part to greet the day

For in hope there is never disappointment

 

Author's Note

This feels like its missing something but im not sure. I will probably re-write it later. still looking for a good title.

Reviews

[Dani California]

There I sat upon a horse named suffering
Chained by my own advice


You really hit home with these lines ML. Yes, indeed.
Our suffering is usually brought on by our own hands..
our own choices.. we cause it and then cry about it.

Moving right along into your next stanzas, you see just how
much worse it can be.. suffering in a much greater way...
then putting everything neatly back where it belongs...
into perspective.
We are not alone... and with thankfulness comes hope...
into much brighter days.

I love your msgs. Truly ... I do. And as I've said before, your
already great writing gets better with each new piece.

Well done !! Again!

[Wolfwind Words]

I like this. It's well rounded with smooth images and wonderful word choices.
How within it, you found humility under a tree was an awesome concept to present.

I like the title....it works for the what is brought across in the poem.. for finding one's humility is a journey. A hard one that some never attain.

A great piece!
Aaron Maycroft

[LadyLove]

This reads like sins against the self endured and let to drop away in the end. How many of us keep doing things that hurt ourselves. Some people find the way to stop that in time. Others don't. It's very expressive. Sad in it's way...but hopeful in the end. Take care.

[THE LOST ROSE]

Wow I tried to find a title for you but I think I am thrown off because of the amazing rhyming pattern you did with this piece. What is this style called? The poem is written very well and your painted imagery is great!. I enjoy reading your poems. I am glad we came across each other because all of your poems have entertain and inspired me. Great job, keep writing!

[Mohl083]

i liked this, but it does appear vague in parts. what specifically about humility did you find? by replacing these general terms with concrete examples, you can really add a punch to this poem that will make people who read it drop their jaws to the floor.

[shadadakiya]

i love this... it's really great!!!

[Butterflymom]

This is a beautiful, thought provoking piece...the imagery and descriptions are just awesome. I don't see anything missing...it is awesome just like it is! I am jealous of your talent...LOL...wonderful write!

[[untitled]]

This poem is full of so much wisdom. The imagery and metaphors are perfect. Felt as though I was riding the horse, myself. The Journey is a perfect title, as it definitely depicts the narrators journey through life, until he/she reaches her destination . . .

"I had discovered nature's ointment
My pains would slowly fade away
The clouds would part to greet the day
For in hope there is never disappointment"

So true and deep. Hope and disappointment cannot co-exist.

"Nature's ointment" . . . I love this!

A favorite!

[{Rated Vee For FAMOUS}]

The whole poem jsut feels like it all comes out in on breath.
It all fits so well. Very Philisophical.
i love it....

[justjenn_2u]

A very philosophical piece, to say the least! A journey, which in the beginning seemed so desolate but results in triumph.

In life it seems as if problems and trials can seem so impossible. You give much attribution to hope and I have been realizing how important hope is, at this stage in my life. This poem nails the importance of hope - right on the head.

Good write!

[Mistral Bilgera]

a very beautiful metamorphosis!...
im just wondering if the "tree" is a metaphor for something divine, or the character is "humbled/cured by nature" (like that in my poem 'the great small"), but either way, it is a good poem, flexible. It may not be my top favorite, but it carries the same essence that is you, and your wisdom!! :)

i really love the last line!