In Time

I’m going to ride into her darkness

Streak across a midnight sky

And burn like a falling star

As I drown in seas of sorrow

While she holds me down

 

Just another speck in time

A blade of brown in a billion green

She tattoos fool across my brow
without a second thought

 

She looks me in the eye

When lightning crawls across the valley floor

I reach out to find her heart not yet awake

Although she sings to me in tones of blue

I shed a blood red tear of torn

 

Like a nest blown from a Cyprus tree

With broken shell

Abandoned me

Or am I a pair of shoes without a right

To feel

 

 I waited …..

 

And I waited …….

 

 

For her to bloom

But in her heart there was no room

 

Author's Note

Poetic rant or an effort to.

Reviews

[Murphy]

Wow! This is rich, my friend. The freedom with which you express yourself in this piece is much like that of a falling star... like "lightning crawling across the valley floor"... that is just amazing. This is beyond rich... this is just outstanding. These lines run like a river of "blood red tears". Brilliant.... the imagery... absolutely brilliant.... wow..

[Kriss]

I like your poetic rants :)
I liked this !

♥Kriss

[Windy]

For a rant or for that matter effort, I think it turned out very well. I will admit I was a little lost at first but after reading it through and then reading it again I found my way... You paint such colorful pictures be it a blood red tear or lightning falls across the valley floor, you put so much imagery "For her to bloom, But in her heart there was no room" an feeling into your work. Congrats, another job well done. ;)

[LadyLove]

I see here a man who knows how dark her heart is but he still wants to find some love in her for him.Even though she shows none and instead tortures his heart he waits for hers to maybe let him in and see him, hear him, but she never does; so he burned and drowned for nothing gained of his own wishes. Talk about wishing on a star!--Why can't a star have a wish too? Very good.

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Another one of my favorites. Your writing well. This one is descriptive and instead of just telling, "she broke my heart, i have tears, it hurts etc" the same old same old we are tired of hearing, you tell it in a naturisticn and very poetic way, with a touch of lopez strewn in it.

My fav lines amongst all"
She tattoos fool across my brow
without a second thought
Abandoned me

Or am I a pair of shoes without a right

( i love those!!))

good job.

kena

[Kelly D. Burris]

I like the 'dark' start and color emerges thru the piece. Life comes even tho it's without her.
Great imagery in here. Loved the end.
thanks for sharing,
Kelly

[Beka]

I do wonder
Is the heroine of your poetry all one woman?
Or a good lot of many?
If it is one I'm right there with you.
If it is many then darling you give your heart away to easily.
Nevertheless they give you beautiful heartbreak that makes your poetry amazing.
Damn those creative juices and their favorite fuel.

[justjenn_2u]

So you take a journey into her darkness to try and envision her thoughts, her feelings. I can feel the darkness there, how it hurts you. She has no conscious as to the hurt she so inflicts. Now is not her time, for her heart to feel. I feel the sadness of waiting for one's heart to feel. Although when a person cannot open their own heart, the pain is just as strong.

This is a beautiful write, filling me with emotion from start to finish. Your words are powerful, poignant. Good job!

[Mistral Bilgera]

Although she sings to me in tones of blue
I shed a blood red tear of torn

i really like reading your works! there's such power in them! :)

[BriAnna Wyble]

wow






dude you're amazing!


best writer ever!

:D