MY BOREDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT LOVE

One man's roller-coaster view point about love.

Midnight boredom about love

I stay awake with nothing to do, played most games and simply can't remember their aims, then a thought popped in my head and it twisted and turned till I couldn't fully understand where it was coming from, love was the thought and the idea behind it for the life of me, I couldn't understand where it was coming from. So let me try to write about something that every single person on the planet has but a minuet idea of it. Movies tell us love is in an instant, novel tell us it transcends all things. I can't even phantom it's basic meaning let alone know what it has to do. As a kid I grew up with people around me and realized they were my family and knew I had to love them, so with time I became a bit older and I thought of the idea of pairing (and by pairing I meant relationships)... dating and all it's unknown. As I write this I still don’t know what it's all about but for my lack of a better thought or would I say my inability to sleep this night has given me a reason to write, so back I say back before I rant on about something else and lose all concept of why I do this and so I pull my thoughts together.
Love and all that follows it will take an unending walk for miles though a walk seems simple, in truth that's a lie but consider a smile with a mysterious dimple (no points for rhymes)... ever so captivating once seen and every time after that makes you lost not just for words but for everything that would give one reason.
Love to people should be a reason to live, a reason to be better, love should bring about world peace and hugs all round making people feel warm on the inside, that is what I (should I say think love to be).... I’ll use "suppose" love to be but let's face reality and what we see every day love isn't that, love right now is just about being happy for the moment not caring about the bleak dark uncertain tomorrow just staying in the moment and indulging in a another good book, another bottle of wine, another well-cooked egusi soup and pounded yam ( note that's my best food by far, also note part of the constructed words above were plucked from Raymond "red" Reddington in the blacklist so big ups to whoever came up with that one, the egusi part is all me).... love is about that.
I don't care what the world throws at me, I'm not playing catch.
Truth is I have fallen in love but here is the reality of it as much as I want to be with her and say screw the world I would rather just don't hurt her by my uncertain idea of what it means to love (now the topic remains the same but the idea of how to write about it has changed).
We all say "I want to be loved and cared for by someone" but have you ever heard someone say " I want to love and care for someone" ...( also note the way I punctuate surprises me sometimes so bear with me)... we are consumed by our own needs and wants about love that we fail to consider what the person we want to love us also want and need. I see it as an unending cycle where we expect to be given the best and not going the extra mile to give in return (read well oh, all you will be seeing is "give and give" it’s supposed to be "take and give" but I'm the one writing so who cares what you think)
Let's talk about me now cause there is no way I will write all this and not relate it to me, I'm that self- absorbed.
Like I said I am in love with someone ...(if you know me and read this and think you know the person ha-ha I laugh cause you may be right, don't smile yet I said 'May be right' so if you like break your legs by jumping to conclusions) yes I love a girl and for the time being I won't do what the movies has mind fucked ..(pardon my latin)... me to do and rush over to her and pour my heart out and expect its happy ever after or even try what those heart blending novels will say that you got to fight for her love and get shot in the butt cause you are in love, I love my butt and I'm attached to it. I choose the lesser of all evils and said the most calculated of things, here are my words (paraphrased to make me look like a boss) "I have feelings for you and know them to be true, I don't know if you feel the same but that's left for you, all you need to know is that I do and will always do" (lemme guess it blew you mind away right, yeah I'm built like that ..."self-wash the best way"... so back to it) and will you believe what she did, I felt like dropping her off a cliff and jumping to save her, she smiled there and looked at me, in my mind I thought if my awesomeness had made the reactor in her mind explode with unbelief but she just smiled (I'll leave it there for one now cause it's just part of a part). So where were we ah yes love and it's other disasters ...(isn’t it a title of a movie? well please no copyright here oh, I'm just a want to be writer so don't sue me)... really make life seem more bearable cause truth not be told without falling in love what else would we do with our emotions, the idea scares me cause that’s all I have and even if I have tailored my emotions to a certain degree of care I wonder what I would be.
People seem to be ruled by their emotions and I can’t say I’m not one of those people but mine I can reason and actually have a conversation with. I find that when I indulge in less than becoming substances, I tend to have a better understanding of what my emotions means, like these substances help negotiate between my ever so rational mind and my ever so chaotic emotions.
I fear to say it out loud but I am not as cool and level headed as I seem to be, I have caged my beast like feelings for so long that I fear the day its either let loose for its annual run or my negotiator would feel pity on it and give it a chance to rule for a time. Like most addicts, we must always realized, to let go of one addiction you have to get addicted to something else and right now I fear that as I want to let go of her I have not found my new high (wanted to say something funny or so but it pains me to say I got nothing so on we go)
Of all emotion man has either being blessed with or caused (point of perspective) love has no balance for it is ever spinning on hates' axis or it’s the other way round. These days' who can tell (ah yes the Good Book) well they didn’t have to live their lives via social media and the misconceptions of what is good for the bad or is it what is bad for the good (I lost myself there so know that you are not alone).
My final midnight boredom thought about love is "LOVE IS" be it simple or complicated; love is whatever we want it to be, we just have to be happy at the end of it.
P.s
Who knows what love is, not I, for I bid the lovely mistress Love farewell.
If a man looks upon a woman and finds love for her in that moment she is the love of his life and who is to say that single moment is not all he has.....

Author's Note

I'm a ridiculous writer.... meaning I don't take myself serious....

Reviews

[Ashwin Shanker]

I have the same opinion as Matt. I was hooked at the end but then my attention span slipped off. The spacing of the write-up requires serious work.
You also need to work on how thoughts are arranged in the flow, to make sure that the reader can understand what is said.

[Hi]

This started Ok, connected to a theme, but then I became lost. I mean I think I understood the general theme you're going for, but as a reader's piece I felt disconnected. It's a solid final line, that I think could work around another story well or a retelling of this one. I am sure I missed some connections because of grammar as well.

[mister_abp]

Thanks Matt, I generally write like I'm having a conversation so everything just pours out! Will work on your advice very much. Really appreciate your time and review.