Let Bygones Be Bygones

One, two, three, four, five. She counted as she breathed heavily and her heart pounded in her chest. The young woman slowly tried to calm down. She almost had the same dream every day and yet she never got used to it.

She got out of the bed and stood in front of the mirror. She had a tall, slender body and long beautiful face. Her auburn long hair was shining with the sun’s golden rays coming through the window. She looked to her tired green eyes and took a deep breath and let go. You’re going to end it today. Sarah thought to herself.

She continued her usual morning routine and got dressed. She went to the kitchen and saw him sitting there, drinking his coffee. His brown hair covering one eye and the other one looked at her as she passed. Sarah nodded when he looked at her, saying hi without saying a word. She couldn’t stomach his looks. He never said anything but she sensed it in his eyes.

She remembered him telling her, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” But not when I am the reason she’s lost, she thought to herself.

“Aren’t you going to eat something?” Aaron asked with a calm voice.

“I am late for work; I’ll eat something on the way.” Sarah was trying to avoid any conversations today.

She poured some coffee in a plastic cup to take with her like she usually does every morning and waved Aaron goodbye as she walked towards the door.

“Sarah,” Aaron said as he stood up and walked to her. “I know it’s been hard for the both of us, but I know that one day, we will be able to put this behind us.”

Sarah stood with her back to him, staring at the door as he continued. “I want you to know that you are not alone and that I am always here for you, especially today.” He moved closer to Sarah and hugged her. She shivered and moved away from him and turned to face him, trying to look normal and not to hurt his feelings.

“Where is this coming from?” Sarah said, faking a smile. “Did something happen?”

Aaron moved closer and raised her chin up with his right hand and looked to her eyes. “You don’t have to shut me out,” He said with a soothing voice. “it wasn’t your fault, Sarah. It’s been a year already. Stop blaming yourself and let bygones be bygones, and let’s look ahead to our future and take care of our marriage.” Aaron looked to her eyes and continued, “Falling in love is not a choice, to stay in love is, and I want us to take this choice.”

“I have to go,” Sarah said abruptly as she turned back towards the door, trying to hide her teary eyes. You should hate me as much as I hate myself, she thought and took her things and left without looking back.

Sarah has been in depression for exactly one year since the accident that killed her younger sister, Sophia, and caused Sarah to lose her baby that she was pregnant with. Since then, she was never the same person again; her marriage was falling apart and life for them has never tasted the same. No matter how hard Aaron tried, she never stopped blaming herself.

Sarah arrived at her work, went straight to her office and put on her white coat. The hospital was always quiet this early and she thought that this was a good chance for what she wanted to do.

She stood behind the door for a moment and took a deep breath. She opened the door and went straight to the medicine room. No one should be there now, she thought, as she quickly went inside unnoticed. She started looking through many small bottles with names on them. Morphine should do it. She wanted it to be painless so Aaron wouldn’t feel bad for her. Suddenly the door opened and a nurse came inside.

“Dr Kofman, I didn’t find you in your office.” The nurse said. “Dr Swift is looking for you.”

“I’ll be right with him,” Sarah said as she started going out of the room to Dr Adam Swift’s office while she put the Morphine bottle in her pocket.

Sarah found Dr Adam in his office standing in front of the window and a cigarette in his hand.

“Do you know who are the most beautiful people in the world, Dr Kofman?” He said while he looked at nothing through the window and continued without waiting for an answer.” The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen, Dr Kofman.” Dr Adam turned and faced her with a faint smile, “And you my dear friend Sarah is indeed a beautiful person.”

You’ve been always good with words, Adam.” Sarah smiled and went and stood beside him in front of the window as she took his cigarette and took a breath.

“Did Aaron call you?” She asked as she looked to the same nothing.

“He doesn’t need to,” Adam said, “It’s my job to read people. I am a psychiatrist after all.”

“So he called you.”

“Yes,” Adam said, “and I have something interesting for you.”

“Another patient?” She looked at him, as she took another breath from the cigarette, “I’ve told you before that you don’t need to keep me busy. I am fine.”

“This one is different, she’s in room 108. You should see her before this d****e Albright. He is so terrible as a neurologist that he might need one himself.”

“Okay, I will go and have a look at her after I check with a patient.”

“And I am telling you to go and see her now.” Adam looked at her defiantly.

“Okay, Okay,” Sarah gave him his cigarette back, “I am going.”

She left the room and walked through the hall towards room 108. Sarah has always respected Adam since they met in college three years ago. He was quite sharp and almost every girl in class had a crush on him. He was tall and handsome with deep blue eyes and a naturally tanned skin. But they were close friends and through him she met her husband Aaron.

Sarah arrived at room 108 and went inside. A teenage girl sitting in bed as the nurse was undoing the bandages around her eyes. Sarah found the patient’s information sheet and had a look at it until the nurse finished. Then she looked at the girl’s face and stood frozen and utterly speechless.

Sophia!!!