A Dark Smile

A Chapter by Mostafa Wahied

A cold breeze of air came running through her hair. She felt like she’s waking up from a short nap like the ones she usually takes when she gets too tired from walking down the streets. But this one had a terrible headache with it. The dizziness made her eyes so heavy that it made it difficult for her to open. Her body was numb with cold, lying on the freezing ground with her wet clothes.

She tried to move but she couldn’t. Then she forced her eyes open only to find that it’s nearly as dark as the inside of her eyelids. Panicking, the terrified young girl tried to look for any kind of light, just to know that she can still see, but it was pitch black. It was too dark; she couldn’t tell whether her eyes are closed or open.

She wanted to shut out that one thought which seemed to flicker like a danger signal, Have I gone blind?... Have I?... Have I?! Her body was slightly moving now. She slowly moved her head and tried to sit up. Her heavy head moved so clumsily that it almost fell down on the other side. The young girl took a deep breath and rubbed her teary eyes and tried to open them again, looking for any ray of light. She didn’t find any, but this time, she saw black ghosts dancing in front of her eyes. Her eyes started adjusting to the dark and managed to see flickering shadow lines. Her ears also started to hear distant humming voices. Why can’t I see? It can’t be that dark. Where are all the lights?

She moved her hand to feel where she hit her head on the rocks but didn’t feel much pain. Her hand though came falling down heavily in her lap. It was terrifying when she realised that her hand was full of blood. She knew the smell. It was only two days ago when she just smelled the same scent, But it’s my own blood this time! The little girl suddenly started to feel the pain now that she knew that she was bleeding.

She just wanted to see or hear something. Anything that would make her feel better. She stood up and raised her arms to feel her way towards anything that can tell her where she is or what happened to her. The last thing she remembered was trying to move out of the way of the fast-moving two eyes that were speeding towards her. Her hands could feel and recognise the broken plastic banner of the bus stop. It was actually in the way of seeing anything beyond. She peeked her head beside the plastic banner and she finally saw the one thing that would make her feel better. The darkness of the city was so mesmerising to her eyes that a ghost of a smile started across her lips and her bloody tears started going down her chin.

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© 2016 Mostafa Wahied

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Featured Review

Dreaming Ninja

We get a great teaser in this chapter. Whose blood had she smelled two days ago? And why? That's nice.

The chapter is a bit short without too much progress. Maybe you could combine a few chapters to make the story progress more in each chapter.

I believe you can leave out this paragraph:

"She tried to move but she couldn’t. Then she forced her eyes open only to find that it’s nearly as dark as the inside of her eyelids. Panicking, the terrified young girl tried to look for any kind of light, just to know that she can still see, but it was pitch black. It was too dark; she couldn’t tell whether her eyes are closed or open.
She wanted to shut out that one thought which seemed to flicker like a danger signal, Have I gone blind?... Have I?... Have I?! Her body was slightly moving now."

Since she quickly gets moving and you repeat her struggle to see later in the story. And the second time sounds better than the first. Try and go through your text and search for words and sentences, that is not absolutely necessary for your story and remove them. It will only make your story better :)

Also you could try and look at this part: "She knew the smell. It was only two days ago when she just smelled the same smell (...)" Maybe you could find a synonym for smell? ;)