Prologue

Despite the cloud cover, the night was bitter cold. A heavy rain was coming down in buckets, and in no time, she was shivering. She hugged herself tight as she felt the chill and looked around, first at the endless road ahead and then to the sky above her, soft and grey and starless. The young girl was standing in the middle of the road. Her face was wet and pale. Her dark, short dirty hair was getting heavier and colder with each drop of rain.

Blinded by the speeding lights, she had nowhere to go. The speeding lights were everywhere, leaping and dancing across the roads of the loud city. The screams of their tires were louder than her own inner voice, urging her to cross the road and get a cover under the empty abandoned bus stop.

But she just stood there, knowing that it wouldn’t really matter to anyone if she lived or died. After all, she was just a street girl who doesn’t even remember what her parents looked like. But she wanted to live, and she wanted to matter to someone.

If they only knew how precious their lives are… She always thought, if they only knew how quickly their lives could change, they would never miss enjoying another second of it…

The girl always wished if she could do only one thing; fantasising about it, imagining what it would be like if it ever came true. She wished that she had the power of turning off the world, and the speeding lights will jump no more, the screams will hush down gradually until they sound like a faraway lullaby, and the darkness will start eating the light from the night’s eyes.

She wanted it to happen so bad this time. Her tears betraying her and merging down with the rain drops on her cheek. She raised her hands up over her head and looked up in the sky,

“Why don’t you make it happen?!” she asked screaming, “Why are you letting them waste their lives?! Aren’t you the one who gave them the lives they have? Then why waste them on their lost souls?!” Her crying made her shiver even more. “Answer me!”

A sudden noise was getting louder than her screaming and closer to her shivering body. Very bright two eyes were speeding towards her with a deafening loud shriek. She tried to move but her body was not under her control.

The little girl glimpsed something at the sky that caught her eye’s gaze; it was some sort of odd shimmering wave moving across the sky that, for a moment, was very captivating for her eyes, and made her snap back to herself and gain back control of her body.
The noise was coming closer and closer and in the last split second, she was finally able to move and jumped out of the way, hitting her head first hard on the rocks laid on the street, and the red shiny car missed her by an inch before it moved on to its speeding journey, paying no heed to the fact that it was about to end the girl’s life.

Reviews

[Sanhorsey]

Quite good, though I do not get what you mean by 'the forsaken loud city'.
She always wished if she had the power of Turning off the world. It is more correct to say. 'She always wished that she had the power of turning off the world.' Since if generally implies a question, and you are not trying to ask a question.
Also you tend to repeat the word 'always' way more often than needed. It is not good to repeat a word too often, it gives a bad feel to the text.

[Mostafa Wahied]

Thanks for your tips and I will try to pay more attention to these things :))

[Sanhorsey]

You're welcome!

[Monica Chen]

You have a very nice dramatic touch in this piece. My only suggestion would be to add an extra space between paragraphs as you don't indent (I don't indent either so I find the extra line between paragraphs makes a chapter look much neater)

For your second to last paragraph I think the phrase should be "Two very bright eyes" and not "Very bright two eyes"

Other than that, I love the tone of this prologue -- dark and a little nihilistic.

[Dreaming Ninja]

I like it and I want to know what will happen to this girl, who is so mad at the world :)

When she has her inner monologue, the one that starts with: "If they only knew how precious their lives are...", you should shorten it down a bit, since it is a little repetitive. Maybe just: "If they only knew how quickly their lives could change, they would never miss enjoying another second of it."
The same goes for when she yells at the sky. Maybe just this: "Why don't you make it happen?" she asked screaming, and it made her shiver even more. "Answer me!"
I do this myself all the time. I wan't to make sure that the reader gets my point, so I explain more than I have too, but the readers are often smarter than I give them credit for :)

Maybe you could change the sentence: "She tried to move but her body felt like it was not under her control." To: "She tried to move, but her body was not under her control". Try to avoid 'felt like' and just write is at it is.

You are good at setting the scene. I can see the girl standing there in the rain, with tears running down her cheeks.

[Mostafa Wahied]

Thank you so much for your constructive review of this chapter. it was quite helpful.
I would glad if you continued reading the rest of the story. I have added more 4 chapters.
Thank you again.

[Dreaming Ninja]

You are welcome :) I will surely do in the coming days.