for two men in my life circa 2007

for a son lost in death to disease and for the husband when our marriage was fading

And everyday ends up to be like this photo of a crying seraph
wanting to lay my head down and cry
cry from exhaustion, sorrow, grief, depression
from being misunderstood, uncomforted,
and feeling completely and uterlessly hopeless

For him i cry, for him i long
long to be with him or have him here with me
long to have no more worries and be truly free
a flying spirit in dragonfly form
or a blue butterfly on light wings
or even still and cold in the dirt
while nature embraces me and carries on without me

for him i manage to hope when the situation is hopeless
i manage to continue on and try
even when it feels there is nothing to try for anymore
i continue to love and always will
i suppress my emotions as there is no point in sharing
they only go unheard, unnoticed,
in the very least they all go unsolved
i live in confusion for him as he lives in confusion himself
not knowing what he wants and not caring to learn
and so i do not know what to be or how to be to please him
and yet i still try even when it feels there is no purpose

so everyday ends this way
curling up and crying
or holding it in and denying

and even when i want to stop, when i cannot figure out why i go on
i still do.. i still go on... for there is no reason but love
stupid irrational love

Reviews

[steph]

Beautiful

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

This is as painful as it is poignant as it is beautiful. Never give up.

[Christy Sargent]

Morric,
Your pain sounds a lot like my own. I have pain for my child, too, who is lost to his disease. This week I wrote my version of your poem called, "Rock Bottom Party." I thought I was alone in my writing. I see that I am not. My heart goes out to you and my only true thought is that we have to allow them to work it out themselves. It is the only thing that will work. What we can do is just keep on loving them while taking good care of ourselves. A good way to do that is to keep on with our writing. This is a lovely poem written from the deepest part of your heart. Thank you. C.