Stupid. Is another Name for HERO

Ben Butler, an idiot with a dream. TO ROCK AND ROLL MAN!

"Listen sweetie, im sure your grand mother does have a cookie jar but no ticket means no return, alright, thank you for shopping a C- Mart, where ya shopping experience is always a 'c-' NEXT!" the blue haired beehive said behind the counter of the Customer Return. "Man, how long are we gonna be?" Ben hummed as he jumped up and down shadow boxing with the soda machine, throwing each swing in slow motion while mumbling 'just like living in paradise', Kevin managed to use the wheel chair of an elderly lady to steady himself as he poured his flask into a slushie, while Brenda started tapping her foot, checking her text messages, the plan return a three year old broken computer, to exchange for a new one. "Baby, just calm down and stop all your jumping, your gonna tire your little self out." Her voice and bleach blonde hair cut through the store as if a fire alarm had gone off.

Ben  frowned at hearing 'your little self out' since age 15, he remained 5ft COUGH!!! And just to prove his self worth and large image, Ben walked right to the front of the line. "Madam, I demand you return my baby's computer, which he has recently bought from this very establishment and has become defective, and not a door stop for  three months than the dogs pillow, I DEMAND YOU ASSIST HER AT ONCE!"

The elderly lady behind the counter gave him a cold hard stare behind a pair of thick fogged glasses, "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" she expressed, "Sir you are aware there is a line in front of you, would you be so kind to take your place back in line and you will be helped in which the order you have been assigned, and thank you for shopping and at "C-mart, where your shopping experience is always a 'c-' NEXT!" 

"Well howdy dowdy there Mrs. Returns lady I have a Tim Teebow Grill I want to return, it does nothing and wasn't really worth the hype". A large lady checked Ben smartly with a left fleshy thigh knocking him into the Snookie Waffle Iron display, Brenda screeched as her baby stumbled to his feet. "Baby, your embarrassing me in front of the entire returns line", Kevin, now sitting on the lap of the elderly lady returning her oxygen machine. "Yea, like if you were like over three feet, that returns lady would have helped us by now, and my drink would not be nearing empty at half full you selfish short b*****d." In a flash Ben jumped to his feet, 'you don't wait in lines, you Own the line'  a family motto that has never proven positive outcomes to near stupidity of the short male family line of Ben's fore fathers. He began to walk up and down the line to single out who he would unleash his legendary fists. The squeak of his shoes, the bounce of his step and the black glow of his mullet, Ben Butler was getting into a mood, a mood that he assumed made others terrified. Ben held his index finger in the air to command silence, going over the mental check list.

David Lee Roth wrist ban? Check
Super High-tops with three inch lift? Check
Kamikaze Levi Jeans-black of course? Check 
Def Leppard Black Tank Top? Chec-F****N-K

Than he opened his eye's, who would be the one to offend him most, "listen sweetie i would love to help you out, but when you bought the 'Joan Rivers Hair spray and matching make up set' you should have kept the receipt, no receipt means no return, alright, thank you for shopping a C- Mart, where ya shopping experience is always a 'c-' NEXT!" Ben slowly turned around and eyed the woman whom he blamed all his woes wants and waits, the lady working returns. "Ben, Ben, if your going to get food, get an ice t!" with another ear drum breaking shriek. Kevin had hijacked the wheel chair and made his way to the wine and spirits department with a sleeping store security guard waiting to pounce on one of the dozens of shop lifters. None of that concerned this short hero. Stepping in front of a skinny thick glassed man holding a sixty pound gold fish, Ben slammed his hand down. "Madam, I believe I have requested you proceed to my girlfriend and return her the sum of the price of a Wii! If you do not comply I will be forced to" Ben ran to the soda machine and punched it using all the force he had in him. Than bouncing off the flexable plastic and finding himself in yet another display, this time of 'Kim K. Ironing Boards.' 

But in a dash of pluck and spirit he was back on his feet, finger in the blue haired beehive face. "MADAM IF YOU DO NOT OFFER MY GIRLFRIEND HER FULL AND COMPLETELY LEGAL REFUND OR GIVE US A WII, (holding his left hand) I CALL THIS ONE, 'THUNDER MAKER, AND THIS ONE, THE ATOM BOMB! I WILL BRING THE PAIN!!"the elderly lady clicked her pen. "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" she expressed, "Sir you are aware there is a line in front of you, would you be so kind to take your place back in line and you will be helped in which the order you have been assigned, and thank you for shopping and at "C-mart, where your shopping experience is always a 'c-' tell your trashy girlfriend that's not a computer, its the back of a microwave, and eat some carrots, growing boys should always eat carrots."

The End

 

 

Author's Note

Okay, so this one time i was stuck on a plane and this kid would not shut up, and his mother just sat there with that 'oh look at me i am a progressive mother, i let him understand his limits', that bitch. Everyone on the plane thought she was a bitch, I think that is why he was crying to be honest.

Reviews

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

I loved this one, but honey, I think you did jinx yourself.. Lol

Fantastically brilliant work as usual!

[kimmy]

This was great, you made me laugh through the story, but I loved the end where he told her it was the back of a microwave, lol that was so funny to me. Thanks for adding your work to the contest as well:)

[Kerri Hart]

omg at first i was just like 'haha" but then i was like OMG TWIST ENDING HAHAHAHAHA
i loved it!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

LOL Ben sounds alot like someone I know... Glad I'm not in this situation though. This is a riot MM....truly hilarious with a capital "C"-mart! :) This was a fun, and dare I say, "Crazy" write! Nicely done!

[Pax]

i really like this .."C-mart, where your shopping experience is always a 'c-' NEXT!" ..lol
its so good of a short story base on something people all do in reality.
i like the sense of reality in this with a touch of little humor.
great job

[Cece]

This was good, and I love the ending! I like how the lady said the same thing over and over... and this sounds like a couple that would show up at walmart. It was a tad hard to follow and I didn't understand in some parts but in the end, you brought it together well and it made more sense! Great job.

[MoriartyMesa]

Thanks for the review, I really should go over this again, but you know how it is when your reading your own work.
thank you

[Cece]

Oh yes, I know! Haha you're welcome.

[Ama May Cooper]

This piece has a cheery outlook of frustration which is hard to capture. Well worded and very strong and consistant story line. I like the repetition of those that owrk there almost like manotony of the job has consumed them.
Fantastic

[Mars Samuel]

I do sense a little bit of tension through your writing here...
It made me smile, and was one of the best I've seen. It`s the first comedic story too, or at least the first one that was actually funny.`I really don`t have anything to say against it except it`s a little hard for me to follow sometimes. Not that it bothered me. I started with a smile, continued with a chuckle, and ended with a laugh.
Way past cool!

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing story. The ending made me laugh. Some adventures can end with a surprise ending. Thank you for the outstanding story.
Coyote

[Brittni]

I had to laugh, because I used to work at Kmart and it just sounds SOO familiar with the lady working the return desk and the whole return process. Bravo for somrthing lighterhearted to read.