The Death of SuperHombre

The Misadventures of Al North, Gonzo Web Journalist.

INCOMING MESSAGE FROM
A*****E:
3:49:02 A.M.
 Al if your not too drunk or stoned, I wanted to cover some crazy mexican on sutter dressed as superman. 200 words, nothing we too crazy, keep it simple.
btw- I want you to send your copy to me first, DO NOT POST!!!
Chester-
INCOMING MESSAGE FROM
A*****E:
3:49:07 A.M.
I mean it, send me your copy first, DO NOT POST!!!
Chester-
INCOMING MESSAGE FROM
A*****E:
3:49:23 A.M.
AL, DO WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING ?

"Go and be unhappy some where else" was what the butch lesbian police officer meant to say as she was screaming into a loud speaker at 4 am on a Sunday morning in San Francisco. What a few random people standing by had heard "Please sir, just come down and we can talk this out," but only a master of manipulation would believe the officer was just trying to get off her shift with as much ease as the American worker desires after spending a cruel and usual amount of hours keeping near lunatics from swallowing humanity whole, or she was just tired. I was busy trying to come down off some bad ecstasy sold to me by a normal everyday college student whom looked like she knew her business better than any other struggling stripper trying to attend college.  When i my editor, managed to used some sort of 'text-message hypnosis' and lured me to the intersection where something that I had hope was the effects of the slightly more intense dose than I was used too.  Not an actual Saturday morning cartoon unfolding, but something very much near too it, and could only be explained by the effects of an late evening with alcohol and 'Stripper Cricket' as taught to me by The British Attache to San Francisco, whom said this reporter had 'a jolly good stance for the game'.
The entire intersection of Powell and Sutter was at a total stand still, which is what some should expect at 4 am in the morning when crack heads are going to start their shifts and hookers are hoping for that last trick to make sugar daddy happy, where a middle aged Mexican wearing a Superman costume was on the ninth floor ledge of the Sir Francis Drake hotel, threatening to crush the evil doers of this cruel city of the western setting sun....San Francisco. Some may doubt the sight, but as this reporter can tell you as an on the hand witness and self-appointed negotiator, this is what happens when a city believes it sleeps the sleep of the enlightened and politically sound. Many may never understand for a man to go to such an extreme length to prove a point or stand out in a crowd, but in a world where a self appointed Cultural Icon and claim a grand title as American Royalty, than should it be any wonder some may hide in the basements of reality living out their days as masked heroes and vigilantes? Or has a system of Oligarchy slowly made it's way to these shores, where it leaves a man to question the very system he is apart of? Or was this man just bat s**t insane?

The Mexican was clearly a deranged man, but as he stood on the balcony shouting his rage at a city that had once been a home to the strange and weird, those who didn't move to L.A. and too morally isolated to survive in New York. "Only Superman can save this city from the evil of the Mayor, Lex Luther!" If i had paid any sort of attention to local politics or any sort of politics, I would have known that Lex Luther was not actually the Mayor of San Francisco. "Hear Me Evil Doer's, This City Shall No Longer Endure Your Trannie's" I had wondered if the man meant something else, but when living in a city known for the extreme of Liberal Views and anti Nazi Republicanism, Transsexuals being a major threat could possibly be seen as a threat, if not for the sake of their keen skills as office workers and damn fine tax consultants."DO YOU HEAR ME CITY BY THE BAY, DO YOU NOT SEE I AM YOUR ONLY SAVIOR!" If the effects of fourteen vodka o.j.'s had not taken full effect, a competent reporter may have not attempted an act of Humanity, a brave man on a handful of mind bending substances would have climbed the hotel wall to talk him down. Thankfully, the officer on duty was busy talking to what looked like a girl dressed in the fashion of Japanese animation, so he had no time to bother with myself or the lingering group of teenage runaways removing police cones and tape. While making the climb, part of me wished I had made the more reasonable choice of walking in the front door where police had been mingling with single teachers visiting the city for a conference. Thankfully, a group of Sociology instructors playing some sort of game that involed a vodka bottle and a rainbow of pills, all using a small rubber band sling shot. After clearing two purples, three shots and a joint called SWEET LEAF.  I made my remain elevator trip to the ninth floor, where a man in a cape needed to be interviewed, so a lone, humble, reporter could get paid. The floor was not exactly covered with a swat team of the finest SF had to offer. Think of a group of 40ish men wearing varsity jackets, talking about the big game when their jackets fit properly. Well there they stood, 3 men with the combined weight some where in the area of two and half tons. The real threat would have been stepping in to the elevator with them, not making my way to the an area to sneak on to the ledge. "Yo!" a passing porter roared across the hallway, "Dude, that crazy guy is out there!" Not helping with the art of suprised I mentioned to him, he was nice clean cut man of about 30, "you wanna buy some weed? we got teachers staying here, so, ya know, it's rent money." In one of the very few times I was not seeking anything out with happen to drop in my lap, but for a few dollars, he would distract the police whom had already managed to get an order of fries and burgers sent to them as they waited El Super Hombre out . 

"Are you part of the Legion of Doom?" There are very few ways of describing a 290lbs short Mexican in a Superman costume with a tan belly covered in thick black hair poking out and saying hello. "If you don't answer me, I shall use my heat vision, who are, The Black Fist, Honky-Hill-Billy, Fury Pants? TELL ME OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!" I can not begin to describe how many times this reporter has been told that for lesser attempts of getting a story or paying a loan shark with a check your more than sure will bounce. "Listen Mr. Man, umm, Im just wondering, what brought you here? I mean if you flew, did you hit the building or slow down to correct for landing?" It seemed like a simple and reasonable question for me to ask. Call me insane for wanting to know how someone who may be able to fly actually lands since the subject seems to avoided in many comic books as well as Nuns recovering from massive doses of LSD. However, my question was not answered, more gazed at with a look of shock, respect, insanity, and the curious look of the need to dance,  but the insane Latino with in a red  cape, for one reason or another featured my question and choose slap me across the face with a large rubber d***o he called his 'anti 'villain' club. Believe it or not the pain that one of those things can deliver is amazing, in a short daze of pain and

In those small crazy hours, a song of "Hey Joe" played by a street sweeper made his way down the street, moments like this are what separates San Francisco from the rest of the world.  Not in a the common struggle of the proletariat, but the struggle of identity and meaning in a city on a planet more confusing than a cross dresser in a Sunday dress at Church. He had seemed to know my work after beating me with the rubber d***o a few more times and a porter outside and near sleeping police-men had briefly mentioned I was apart of the media. Which is thankful when lunatics want someone to talk to and the police are slightly too busy, in my case I still remain I had walked down the wrong street, other wise I never would have bothered with this.  Insanity is the staple of any respectable civilization, from Athens in Greece to Cumberland, MD.  Escape of insanity is laughable in the light of humanity and civilization. And in the best traditions of Humanity and Civilization, from the mad sooth sere in the market place, to a over weight middle aged Mexican dressed as Super man. He was No Mere Mortal Insane Man, in the reporter's opinion, he is El Super Hombre! A hero would not be the right word, more reward of a disillusioned generation of Americans who hoped life would get better but became more complex in a life of text messaging an super speed media from New York to Nan King.  Putting aside the trial and tribulation of the human spirit in the Media Age of Natural Selection and Exploitation, my line of questions resumed to more civil and brief statements.
"You have a cigarette?" Ignoring me completely, he seemed to be more interested with the dismissive and forgetful manner of the San Francisco Police department, perhaps the chose a more psychological approach, or lack of over-time. But one officer had later stated to me they had better things to do, and it seemed this bloated mess of a human being would not jump at all. "I just wanted people to see," f**k me for not noticing he came back in, my attentions had been directed by the same passing porter who helped me locate a way on to the ledge, he sold me three joints and half a pack of Blacks, which I had developed a taste for while stuck at an air-port back east. "Hey, you didn't kill yourself, wanna grab a bite to ear?" In a shrug and groan, he came with me in a peaceful manner. He wanted to wander the streets of the city, every alley being a point of interest, every homeless person and tree, made it's own impression to someone who felt finding reason was not enough. Acting was not enough, to show himself was not enough, to be ignored, may be the more crushing of all emotions the human condition is forced to deal with. A forced emotion comes on when a person feels the world can no longer offer an ideal way of life or thinking, so the person must force the emotion of happiness, love, stability, and sometimes even sanity. The modern culture of 'Everyone is Special' has caused a back-lash on a scale not seen since the introduction of Christianity to The Roman Empire.

The great equality has forgotten humanities most basic need to strive, surive, and dominate as specie, but it as also committing the greatest sin. Nature demands the odd sacrifice here and there. 

We watched the sun rise on the Golden gate bridge, the great gap of the bay area, separating the idle rich from the rest of the world.  From the far west, the sun was rising as El Super Hombre looked across the bay. "You know, all I ever wanted was to do right by this city, when you hear 'Classical Gas' it's San Francisco, not New York, Not Chicago, but HERE! The great gateway to Asia, to the far east, the bridge of unity and humanity for the hope of all people to know and love one another, in one city. San Francisco."

The last words spoken by the man whom the fabric of humanity, soccer moms, politicians, civil servants, truck drivers and baristas will come to never know or read about. A minor note in a column in a paper, a small piece some where between tweets of Sex Scandals between Hollywood stars and small woodland creatures. And the latest Poltical cover up involving a prominent D.C. politician and the singer of 'Blue Lamp'. A small group of friends and relations would have to painful but slighlty interesting view of a relative whom thought him self to be a man of steel. I will not bore my readers with the death of a man for a brief time I considered the Hero befitting a time of strange Idol Worship, and stranger people whom live their lives through networks that had once championed Free Speech, Political and Social Awareness, reduce to a money market of advertising and worship/martyrdom all while marketing Indivilism by texting the numbers on your screen, just $5.99 per text message, additional charges for Personality Manipulation are extra. Get your parent's permission (but we know you won't but it makes us responsible for saying this anyway wink) before having being told your not normal.

INCOMING MESSAGE
A*****E:
8:29:02 A.M
I am begging you, please don't do a direct post from your phone!
Please Al, it's not funny, i swear on my children's lives. I direct deposited the check myself. Please, just send me the story, please don't post it.
Chester-

OUTGOING MESSAGE
!!!BUTT RUB FRIDAY!!!:
8:29:07 A.M.
um, you don't have kids. r u sure, checking my account now, waiting to send,
love Al-

INCOMING MESSAGE
A*****E:
8:32:56 A.M.
Alright its in, the bank confirmed it. Now will you please for the love of christ send me the f*****g story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OUTGOING MESSAGE
!!!BUTT RUB FRIDAY!!!:
8:33:04 A.M.
I think it's already posted, but before you thank me. I'm catching a flight and I think I have to turn this off, or the plan will crash and i think you have me covering that thing with the place where the other thing happened. Any way, kiss those kid's for me
Your ever on the job, in the field, totally responsible journalist.
Al North-

Author's Note

Drinking improves my wit,



okay, maybe not.

Happy?

Reviews

[Michael of Gilead]

Drinking improves my appearance so i must agree with you.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this Superman. Good to have people wanting to save the city. I enjoyed the wild conversation. Great vision create by your tale. Thank you for the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Cece]

This was really great! Some parts were hard to follow, though. I love how you started off with the messages, too! And smacked with a d***o... hmmm. Unique weapon! Haha

[Shep]

First off the cuff. I really enjoyed the story, sorry it took me so long to get back too you. But you know how it is being high in demand for writers with novels begging to be read. But back to this. I love all the characters and the details as it got going I couldn't put it down. In fact it was so good I had to read it twice making sure I didn't miss anything.

One problem I had was at the top wondering if I was looking at An ads you posted asking for us to write somthing and send it to you. The large gap of white space confused me, until I found your story. Like said I enjoyed it And look forward to more.