The Fool in me

A personal Monologue of M.M.

I have had one or nine shrinks that have told me in plain clear words, "Your clever but your an A*****e, your smart but you need a choke collar."

And oh how they were all right, esp the one that told me to leave the room 15 minutes into the second session and I still had to pay for the hour.

There have been so many times (looking back) I want to break a bottle over my head because of the things I say. So many examples, so many times, people upset.  And i ask myself, 'why the hell I am like this?'

Even when it happens right in front of me, than boom. It is like a thunder clap behind the ear and a boot to the belly for good measure. When I see what my words have done, because at some point you see everything go wrong. A nice bit of a curse when you do it all the time.

I ain't relegous but if i was I'd swear I'd turn Atheist. Now none of what I say can be an excuse, pointing the finger to childhood, personal history. None of it means anything, cause knowing what I have said, seen what the effect is.

Makes me ashamed to be me,


All I can do is Apologized, it can't take anything back. But all I can say is I am willing to change, to correct a lifetime of Mistakes and become a better person.

It's gonna take time (esp since I quit drinking and plan to start doing stand up comedy again) but I am here to apologize and make the effort the change.


I know it can be done and I want to do it.











In the total end, I humbly offer a public apology.

Reviews

[Bluefire]

"ain't relegous but if i was I'd swear I'd turn Atheist."
Suggestion-> "ain't relegous but if i was I'd swear I'd turn Atheist."
I don't see the reason to apologize for having an opinion and being yourself.
You speak your mind. Not many people are brave enough to do that.
And some people, (like those shrinks) like to silence you for speaking your mind because their afraid you might offend someone or that it offends them.
I've seen to many a mind be silenced just because they have opinions. It urks me to no end.
Anywho, I'm sure you'll do great in stand up comedy, it's always fun to laugh and make other people laugh.
^^ Well done.

[Ghost of Jupiter]

Seems like you are talking less about speaking your mind and saying the truth, and more about unintentionally hurting people with words. Sometimes people hear things differently than how we want them to. Very cool introspective piece. I enjoyed reading it.

[Evelyn Storm]

Truth tellers are very rarely liked or appreciated. You shouldn't apologize for being honest and straightforward with people. I enjoyed the read and thanks for sharing.

[Magdelena]

Read this twice... Kind of like one would a diary after putting the words to paper then going back to see just what it said/meant. Have to admit many of your lines made me feel like it was myself doing the writing. Many things we all would like to change, go back to and make amends.. Liked the way you brought this out. The way your thoughts sounded so true to form. In other words I damn near liked the whole thing!!!

Way to go!

[Ayvid N]

Introspection and insight. ..very well expressed. A bearer of these faults myself, I understand the need to make amends. Its never too late.

[joey]

sounds like you say what everyone thinks lol the public doesnt need an apology though, if we didnt like the honesty, maybe we change our truths. good job being sober, thats really hard i know. i hope you succeed with the stand up as well.

[Rachelle]

Sometimes, you have to take some time to be still and forgive yourself. An introspective write. You have some grammar and spelling to be checked, though.

[William Evictus]

This hits pretty close to home with me, and I enjoyed reading this
Great work

[Faceless Poet]

The monsters see the light of change
never too out of range
another step closer to become better
all in the past it didn't matter
what's now to start anew
for the future's better view
repent to lament then put it away
going for the good for now to stay
everything becomes better when you create a peaceful way

- Monster

[KAin]

Hmm, a powerful and pensive piece - less the feeling of a poem, than the need to say something that needs to be said, something to get off your chest - a personal monologue as your flavour reads. I like the words and the feeling behind them, and the sense of determination of starting again - which is harder than never to have changed at all.
A mug of coffee raised to your resolve, friend.
Good luck, and keep writing!