Recovery-6

I didn't really dream of anything that I can actually remember. I think I like it better that way. It's about 3:00 in the afternoon now. I feel no better though. I'd say I even feel worse. I miss sleeping with her in my arms. Even though it took a while to get used to. Now it would be soothing. Just one night I think would make the past few days not so bad. Even if at the end of it she was gone again. Just one night. Her head one my chest. Her hand tangled in mine. Just one night. That's all I want. Actually if I really had my way. The jacket wouldn't have slipped off. But I don't have my way. I'll never have even one more night.

    Her being mine wasn't really planned. I'm not complaining about a single moment of it. But it just sort of happened. It was a few weeks after her and Kevin split. Around the middle of July. Her parents had been fighting non-stop all week. So she stayed at my apartment while they fought. After about the fourth night I couldn't just stay up another night while she slept. I was dead on my feet. It was around noon.

    I could barely keep my eyes open.

    She knew I hadn't slept at all since she'd been there.

    "Why won't you sleep?"

    "Cause you're here" upon me saying that, she made a face that said I made no sense.

    "What's that mean?"

    "It means I only sleep in my room, and you can't come in my room, and I can't leave you on the couch either, so I'll stay up." My clarification didn't help at all.

    "Why can't I see your room?"

    "Because no one has." Right then she understood, something she was rather good at.

    "Oh, want me to go home tonight?" she nervously bit her lower lip.

    "No, no stay here. It's fine." There's nothing she hated more than seeing people fight, I couldn't let her go home.

    "You have a spare bedroom don't you? Why don't we sleep in there? You can sleep in a bed, and I won't be in your room." If there was ever a way to make everyone happy, she'd be the one to find it.

    "No bed in there"

    "What's in there?"

    "Stuff" she cocked her head at me puzzled, her hair bounced with the movement and her big red plastic headband she always wore fell right out. She squeaked and dove down to get it. She nestled it carefully back into her hair. It was adorable. I half sighed half almost laughed and led her towards my spare room. I stopped with my hand on the knob to think over what I was doing.

    Why on earth am I doing this?

    Why am I so compelled to show her?

    Why did I ever let her in my apartment?

    Is it too late to push her out and away?

    I shook my head angrily. Twisted the knob and shoved the door open.

    She stepped inside and slack jawed took it all in. On the far wall was my floor to ceiling edge-to-edge bookshelves stuffed and overflowing with books. On the right wall were two big windows, with windowsills big enough to sit or even nap in. Sunlight was pouring through and through them was the view of the nearby lake. In front of the window closest to the far wall was my big old overstuffed faded red chair. The left wall was covered in paint. Massive swirls of blacks blues yellows and purples which spread all over the wall and ceiling covering them both completely in an imitation of the Milky Way. On the wall with the door was my work desk in the corner by the windows. Cluttered with my doodles and supplies, cups of pencils, markers, paintbrushes, and tubes of paint lazily strewn about the edges of my latest canvas, which sat on the middle of the desk with my desk lamp shining down on it. Guess I forgot to turn it off. All over the wooden floors I put in myself were stacks of books tall enough to reach my hip.

    I watched as she silently looked all over at everything. She made her way to my bookshelves and scanned the books. Some as new as two weeks ago some as old as two hundred years ago. Books on philosophy. Books on almost every religion there is. Books about fantastic adventures. Books in other languages. She was utterly amazed, though I thought everyone had books.

    "Tobi, have you read all these?"

    "Of course I have."

    "Even the ones in Spanish, Russian, French, …and wait is this Latin?"

    "Yes"

    "And did you paint this?" she stared up at my ceiling and fell back in my chair.

    "Yes" She was so tiny compared to my chair. I wonder if that's how I look in it.

    "Where did you get some of these, I know you can't get most of these from a store?" she said as she opened up one of my books on the floor.

    "My mom sends them to me."

    "I've never seen her around, is she nice?"

    "I wouldn't know."

    "Why not?"

    "Last time I saw her at all was when I was twelve, she took me out to lunch. Then left to Niger."

    "Do you talk to her?"

    "No" the topic was bothering her for some reason.

    "Why not?"

    "I don't need to" I had no idea why I would talk to her. I know how to find her if I really need something, but otherwise what's the point in a conversation?

    "Why aren't you with her?"

    "She didn't mean to have me, she travels a lot and a child would have just slowed her down." Made perfect sense to me, but for whatever reason Alise looked unsoundly perplexed.

    "Didn't you grow up with her?"

    "No"

    "Where did you grow up then?"

    "Here"

    "With who? Who took care of you?"

    "No one? My mom bought me this place when I was seven. She had a Russian lady sort of as you would say take care of me. Once I was ten and could take care of myself she wasn't needed anymore. So mom quit having her come." Again very straightforward to me but not to Alise.

    She just looked at me with a sad expression and said, "I'm sorry."

    Sorry?

    What on earth?

    "Um…okay" I didn't know what else to say.

    She hopped up from the chair and said, "Wanna go to the park?"

    "It's kind of late"

    "Only nine c'mon it'll be fine"

    So I went to my desk clicked my lamp off, left the room carefully closed the door and we walked to the park. The sprinklers were going and the streetlights were all on. The park's really a beautiful sight at night.

    Alise heard someone call her name; it was another girl from school. With a few other of Alise's friends, and Kevin. Alise smiled and said hello to everyone. Except Kevin who just glared at me and kept trying to talk to Alise. She introduced me to everyone who all smiled and said nice to meet you, which I responded with just a terse "hi." Brenda, Kelsey, Megan, Jake, and Jack. Brenda had red hair and was really tall and lanky. Kelsey had bright sky blue hair and had layers of makeup; everything about her was covered in some sort of neon colour. Looking at her was almost blinding. Megan was about my height, curly dusty brown hair and wore black and tattered gloves; she was carrying a notebook and a pencil. Jake was a tall well-built black haired skater. The same went for Jack except he had brown hair. Megan kept staring at me. It was odd to say the least.

    We all sat around and talked. Or they talked and I watched. Megan sat herself deliberately in-between Alise and myself. "So it's Tobi right?"

    "Yes"

    "How're you tonight?" what the hell is it with these confounded people and questions like that?

    "Fine."

    "Oh that's cool, I'm writing my new fan fic of my OC Vir and Trunks from DBZ!"

    "Uh. Okay." I'd ask what on earth she was even talking about and how she expected me to catch onto her acronyms. But I was worried she wouldn't shut up if I asked.

    "Do you have any OCs?" by god every word out of her mouth was coated in three layers of excitement.

    "No?" hoping that was the safe answer.

    "Really? I have like a million! What school do you go to?"

    "None"

    "Did you already graduate?" by the substantially meager standards of the American school system I'm a college graduate. But I've never stepped foot in a school.

    "No"

    "Home schooled then?" close enough.

    "Sure"

    "Oh awesome I've always wanted to do that but that would mean being around my mom." I'm starting to realize everyone else lives with his or her parents.

    Alise got up and was led away by Kevin, so without even responding to Megan I got up and followed. Kevin noticed me and just glared "this doesn't concern you"

    I ignored him and just asked Alise if she wanted to leave her alone.

    Before she could answer he cut in "Tobi what could you possibly do to me?"

    "I already broke your nose, you want to find out what else I can break in ten seconds flat?"

    "Look I just want to talk to Alessandra. I miss you I want you back I'm so sorry." He's pathetic.

    "She's unavailable."

    "What? Are you saying you're dating her now?"

    "Yes."

    He stormed off angrily. I turned to Alise and tried to explain that I only said that so he'd leave her be.

    But she opened her mouth first "were you being serious?"

    "Uh, I dunno." I wanted to say yes, but instinctively I was drawn to say no.

    She smiled at me and said, "you can tell me if you were"

    From then on she was mine.