Recovery-3

 I've never missed someone before. I never thought I'd have to miss Alise. It's just something I hadn't thought about. I mean I understand that you're supposed to miss someone you haven't interacted with in a certain amount of time. But I've never really interacted with anyone else enough. Even then, I never went without seeing her for unreasonable amounts of time. I talk to other people, but only if I have to, and even then it's only for as long as I have to. I live alone. I didn't even go to school till a year ago. I haven't actually lived with my mom since I was five. She travels the world and owns houses everywhere. She brought me all over with her at first but she soon learned that a kid only slowed her down, so she found me my apartment when I was seven. At first she hired someone to do the shopping and keep me fed, but the woman she hired spoke Russian and I didn't like her much, she did teach me Russian though. Mom decided I didn't need her anymore once I was eleven and could use the stove. Now mom just makes sure the bills are paid. She hasn't been back to visit since yesterday when they brought me in. She's headed to Finland now.

    It's around midnight; I've been here for roughly 24 hours now. I really don't want to sleep tonight. Maybe if I just keep quiet and pretend that I'm asleep they won't sedate me again. I don't feel like dreaming. I don't want to risk seeing Alise in my dreams.

    Right now she would be asleep. Her wavy blonde hair fallen in her face. Wearing that grey and black striped sweater dress she always wore to bed. It fit her just right everywhere except where her hands came out. She'd always stretch it out right there cause she'd ball up the sweater in her fists when she was asleep. I remember from all the times she'd stay the night. We'd be on my big brown leather couch watching movies. She'd always be out like a light by one. I'd stay up and keep watching movies until morning when she'd wake up.

    Once she woke up we'd always eat. Sometimes one or both of us would make breakfast. Our favourite, pancakes with some kind of chocolate cereal cooked into them. Other times we'd walk to whatever coffee shop she felt like eating cakes from. We'd guess what passerby's were talking about, and my guesses would always make her start up that laugh of hers. Mostly though we'd make our cereal pancakes. I'm the one that thought of it. She thought I was nuts. Then she tried them. She took a bite and burst into laughter immediately. I had no idea what was so funny. I just stared at her puzzled, hoping she'd stop and explain. But she just laughed and laughed until she was in tears and couldn't breathe. So she finally caught her breath and all she ever said about the matter was "delicious" like a crazed child. I absolutely could not help it, I smiled, and even chuckled a little.

    She squealed, overjoyed and exclaimed "Tobi has a smile! And a darn cute one if I say so myself. Oh you need to do that more often!" She hopped out of her seat and hugged me. Hugging me at random intervals had become habitual for her. I mean I know she hugged everyone, but it just still baffled me when she'd do it to me. I wouldn't turn to stone whenever she touched me anymore though, sometimes I almost considered hugging her back. But it just still seemed too odd.

    I had myself held in denial for a moment. Thinking about her and how real she was. How could she possibly not be anymore. Blasphemy. She's at home okay. I'm just in the hospital cause I wound up landing on a porch only a few floors below the roof. She'll come visit in the morning. I'll be out in another day or so. Everything will be back to normal. I'll see her smile. Hear her laugh. We'll watch the sunset. She'll ask her silly questions. There's no way she could possibly be gone. The doctor and that nurse just lied to me. And Dr. Melburne is just off his rocker. Of course.

    So I fell asleep contented at what I built up for myself. Oh how I wish it was true. Wouldn't that be something. I could tell her the whole scare over her dying. She'd assure me she's fine, hug me, and probably giggle at how silly it was.

    I didn't dream of her. I dreamt of being under a waterfall. In a cave. Just watching the rainbow the water made. It was pretty but the loud booming of the water made me uneasy. Sounded like a great monster growling at me.

    I awoke with a jump. I'm not sure why. I think I heard a scream in my dream just before I woke up. I rolled over to look at the big red digital clock just above the door.

    3:46

    Why couldn't I have slept more?

    What is there even to do in a hospital other than sleep? I want to go outside. So I hauled myself out of bed. Tiptoed out of my room. Walked to a balcony and sat on the bench and stared out at the city lights. It was amazing to feel the cool air blow through my hair. And breathe in the fresh air. I can hear cars going up and down the highway. No stars out though. Police sirens in the distance. Pancakes sound so good right now. Not really going to be the same though. Or ever again. I became frustrated screamed angrily into the sky. Shoved up out of the bench and stalked back to my room cursing the whole way. I slumped into the chair Dr. Melburne used earlier and flicked on the teli. Something about crime, the local news I think. Corner store was just robbed. Maybe that was the police sirens I heard. It shouldn't be called the news. It should be called the "stuff to be afraid of show".