Recovery-2

I woke up to the sound of someone coming in my room; he said he was the therapist my mom found me. Dr. Melburne. He's short, stout, middle aged, with a slightly grayed beard, wearing a sweater-vest. I swear my mom found Santa to be my therapist. At first, he came in sat down and just stared at me. Probably assessing my body language, figuring out the best way to lie to me and make me believe that what happened wasn't my fault. Finally he sat up, hunched over and said "So Tobias, how are you today?" Is he serious? That question was so stupid it's disgusting.

    "It's Tobi" I glared at him so hard holes should have burnt into his face. I don't need therapy. I need out of here.

    "Alright Tobi, how are you today?"

    "I'm alive," I groaned.

    "Well that's good isn't it?" he smiled, huge rosy cheeks, and dimples to match. Seriously he's Santa…

    "No" How the hell would that me good? Hopefully if I keep up with half answers he'll go away. I just want to be left alone. Actually that's a lie, I want her here. I want to trade her places. I want her to be all all right. I want this jacket not to be the only thing I have left of her.

    "Would you like to tell me why you tried to go and kill yourself?" he got straight to the point.

    "No"

    "Well why not Tobi?" he needs to stop saying my name every other sentence, it's annoying not endearing.

    "'Cause"

    "Well you'll have to talk to me about something," I rolled my eyes. "Anything you want to talk about?"

    Silence.

    "Anything at all?"

    I didn't even look at him just stared down at her jacket, and fiddled with the zipper.

    I held onto it tighter and tighter till my knuckles turned as white as the fabric when he started asking about her. "What was her name?"

    "Alise" I bit my lip to stop more words and tears from escaping.

    "Short for anything?"

    "Aless…andra" my throat went dry, and seemed to close up. I couldn't start crying. Not now. Not with this dope in the room.

    He saw this as his golden ticket to have me talk, maybe if I cried I'd want to tell him why. If that's what he thinks he's got another thing coming. "Were you two close?"

    "Yes" She's the only person who cared to know me.

    "Did you consider the two of you close?"

    "Yes" Only friend I ever had, of course she was close. Idiot.

    "How close?"

    "Very." All I had to do was focus on just answering mechanically. Don't think about it. Tobi don't think. Just answer. Don't let him get to you. Don't let him make you cry.

    "Well what's very close Tobi?" there he goes again using my name.

    Silence.

    He needs to stop.

    Now.

    Realizing he wasn't going to get anywhere asking random questions about her. "Did you push her or did she really just fall?"

    …

    "Did you secretly hate her, were you happy to see her fall?" He's really crossing the line. I finally took my eyes off her jacket to look at him. He was just staring back at me. Those beady little eyes. Knowing he finally had my attention he repeated his question. "Did you secretly hate her, were you happy to see her fall? Were you Tobi?"

    Okay that's it.

    I tore out of bed, and stood over him. Glaring at him. "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ACCUSING ME OF KILLING HER?! NO I DIDN'T I TRIED TO PULL HER BACK WITH ME! NO I DON'T HATE HER, I'D TRADE PLACES WITH HER IF I COULD! SO WHY DON'T YOU GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE, LEAVE AND LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T NEED THERAPY OR HELP AND I CERTAINLY DON'T NEED YOU! AND QUIT USING MY NAME SO MUCH IT'S GOTTEN WAY PAST ANNOYING!"

    He calmly got, up said, "It was nice to meet you Tobi." And left. I picked up the first thing I got my hands on, which happened to be a container full of refills for the ear thermometers, and threw it full force at the door. The plastic case burst on contact and sent shards of plastic and it's contents everywhere. I screamed and just started pacing angrily about the room, until my feet hurt from stomping on the tile. Even then though I just stood there glaring at the door, breathing heavily. I could feel my blood boiling head to toe. I was even shaking. I hope I never see him again.

    After calming down enough to move from my stare-down, I curled up in bed. I remembered the first time she ever saw me angry. Only a week after we met. I wasn't used to anyone even talking to me, and there she was. Talking to me. It was so strange. How was my day she'd ask. How was I doing. What I thought of this or that. I didn't realize then how comfortable and addicting her silly questions would become. I mean who on earth asks 'how are you' or 'what's wrong'? Just silly. Kevin, her boyfriend from school saw us sitting under the big oak tree at the rich grassy field. Came right up to us and stared at me like I was a unicorn. Turned to Alise and he said 'why're you talking to the social reject?' she just coolly replied 'I don't see any social rejects here, just you me and my friend Tobi.' Friend. Never a word used directed towards me before that point. Friend Tobi. Those two words just didn't seem to fit together to me. But I didn't care I enjoyed seeing Kevin get so confounded over her talking to me. He retorted 'well come on just ditch him, you have no idea what he's like I've heard nothing but bad about that kid.' He grabbed her hand and started tugging her up, but she refused to budge. 'There's nothing wrong with him.' She sounded so sure. 'You say that now, I really don't like you talking to this kid' he yanked at her hand, forcing her up. She squeaked in pain when he tugged too hard. He didn't even let go. 'Now c'mon let's go' he started leading her away. That's when I finally chimed in 'she doesn't want to go.' He stopped and turned back to me 'did I ask your opinion?' I stood up and said 'no and quite frankly you didn't ask hers either I suggest you let her go before you just make yourself look bad.' He really didn't like that 'excuse me?' Not sure what he wanted to accomplish by saying excuse me. Was I supposed to say you're excused and let him leave? 'Let her go, it's for your own good' it really was for his own good. If anyone saw him dragging her about he'd get trouble. He didn't see what I said as a kind gesture though. He saw it as me starting trouble. He saw it as an open invitation to take a swing at me. Bad idea on his part. He left with a broken nose. I left with her worrying over my bruise, as I stormed back to my house. She closely followed until we were both in my room. I broke the door from its hinges and threw it into my closet doors, which came tumbling off their track, one of the closet doors snapped in two. I threw anything else I got my hands on. When I was finally done with my tantrum, I turned around and saw her just sitting on my sofa, calm and collected as could be. I sighed heavily and just sat on the floor where I was. She got up, sat next to me and put her arms around me, and she just hugged me. I turned still as a statue, not sure what to do at all. I nervously looked at her out of the corner of my eyes. Was I supposed to do the same? I knew it was normal for people to hug as a friendly gesture. But I don't believe I made any. I had no idea so I just sat there. After a while she stopped and she started up with more of her silly questions. Is your cheek okay. Are you feeling better now. And she kept apologizing for Kevin. I just sat there and let her talk.

    After that day her and I were inseparable.