The creation of the black orb

the back story to my youtube serry Kameron Stops How To Die The Black Orb sorry for my bad spelling here is the link to the 1st episode http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7l-OeWqN1QU

When god created space everything was still nothing would move even thoe he would continue everthing staned still it the night would stay night and know one would age so god created time so night would turn to day and everything could continue but there was one spot were witch was the verry spot he created everthing in this one spot everything stade the same time di

d not exsist here but time could also be olted here so to his spot god created a world and locked it away in a poket of creation twenty thousened hundred millon years later a gate way was created to go to this poket planet by acened by an anchent race this race was then lost but thorw time people discoved this place and stayed there for they would not age or die aventchaly there was to menny people that know about this place so a war raged to obtan it the battled whent on for ages and the feaest amont of power going throw created a rip with in the poket thus destrioing all of time and space the two reamaning sivers crated a pederstool and an orb to keep the rip closed as long as the two was combied but the power of the world to control time was embed inside the orb the gaght way was then had a temple bilt arouned it and throw the years a new gardyen would gart the gaght way but with in the poket world the two remaining sondgers that didn’t age stayed and protected the orb and pedistool witch was made by the wepponeds that held power to creat the rip the two solgers being exsposed to the power of the orb mutated over the rays that kept seeping into the boddys that was being given out from the orb one solger disied to take the power of the orb and was banched to a drk world bye the other soldger but to banish the solger the other one was turned to ston intill needed again

Reviews

[CecilA]

MoonLight Ninja,

If you would get out your dictionary and rewrite this story it would be very good. Would you take the time and give us another chance to share in your interesting work?

The problem is that the misspelled words interrupt the flow of the story because we are trying to interpret what you are saying. You see, misspelled words are like a foreign language.

One other thing: twenty thousand hundred million years might be better written as twenty billion years.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I look forward to your rewrite. This is not criticism; just suggestions that I believe will make your story better.

Sincerely,

Cecil