Dawn

Apparently, this was my English homework, after altering it a bit, here it is.A poem about my favorite time of the dawn.Enjoy! Please tell me what I can add on, I'm keen on improving.

Dawn

At dawn I roused with a long stretch and yawn,

Arms curved in lines and hands knotted like a fawn,

I dressed and hurried out to meet the new day,

Finding the time of the day not like what others would say,

Not radiant or stimulating nor empowering,

Instead darkness engulfed me whole in its strong jaws.

 

A shiver ran through my spine as I stared out at the dark night,

Trees looked suddenly scary in my sight,

Houses looked like huge monsters thundering past,

With gigantic hooves of iron fast,

Scared I was as I looked out,

Mortified, petrified, stupefied and terrified.

 

Then suddenly a ball of light rose from behind the hills,

And the grassy clearings dotted with mills,

It rose higher in the pale sky,

Tainting the pale with its bright rays of dye,

Watching the slender outline of the crescent fade,

Taking its place the milky glade,

The sight warmed and soothed my shocked scared soul.

 

My heart flooded with relief I stood with breeze tugging my hair,

That flowed from my hairline fair,

Listening to the train whistle in the distance,

With an unusual wave of patience,

I finally understood what others meant,

Dawn was beautiful yet the hour before it dark,

I mused carefully, lost in my thoughts,

With a yelp like a hound I realized time had flew,

And then quietly hurried away,

To face the duties of the day.

 

Author's Note

What do you think, please tell me what I can improve on.

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

This greatly described your emotions when you see dawn with great detail. I myself tend to be distracted by sunrises, but what really gets me is the sunset. When I am finished with everything and the only thing I'm left with is the setting of the sun. Whoops, I'm straying off topic here, my bad. Anyways, you could improve on the rhyme scheme, it seems kind of flawed from my views. Great work though, continue to post more!

[Yuan]

I think there could be some improvements here, the details are detailed but they are not invoking the despair and fear that you felt about the dark before the light, you're simply stating it, I used to have this problem, then I shorten the lines, and lessen the details to give a sense of mystery. I like the notion and the ideas you're stating, but the flow wasn't even, I had to reread some lines over because some of the rhyming distracted my attention to the metaphors, there are some moment's of brilliance however, your craftsmanship is noticeably unique in it own way. I hope I gave you some insights into your own writing from another perspective. I speak Cantonese too!..=)

[Michelle]

Amazing.

[Amy Tao]

Thanks.