The Suicide Bar

Published by Murky Depths, Issue #3, March 2008.

Reviews

[Robert Oliver]

I liked the end of this story and the twist, if you want to call it that. I am fine with the lack of description since this is a short story. What details you do give are very potent, and disturbing. I like the fact that the bartender is not fully described. My mind created a picture of him (from where I don't know). I'll bet everyone who reads this pictures the man despite the lack of explicit description. I like writing like this that lets you form your own images and leaves more to the imagination. Enviable writing. One of the best I have read.

[Emily Cooper]

Oh my, this gave me the chills as I read enviously..... if only, if only..... well done....

[Karen Kalbacher]

I can see why you are doing great with scripts. Visually this would be fantastic, chilling and interesting. Love the ending. But as a short story the main character, the bartender is underdeveloped and you used 'hangdog expression' which has got to be on the huge list of cliched phrases. I'd love for you to just expand the description. Give the bartender either a colder or more empathetic personality. Maybe more dialogue between him and the soon to die...the deaths are interesting but sterile and the only scent reference you use is boiled cabbage. This would be a great script. Film it. I would give you 4.5 stars...if I could.

[the eyeball kid]

I love it goood work. Excenlt story

[Creepy Swine Guy]

This is ogriginal, spine-chilling and superbly written. The characters are not at all developed, but this isn't about the characters, it's about their ends. I want to be able to write like this.

[Jesse Lynn]

definitely different, but in a thought-provoking, love-it kind of way

[Mary Brown]

I agree, very vivid morbid imagination. This is so original. Good stuff!

[John Donald Carlucci]

A dark vision again
You are a marvel girl.

JDC

[Steve]

What can I say that I haven't told ya before? Love your writing and your creativity. This one is awesome as well. The concept was actually quite frightening (even though I imagine it's quite tonque in cheek) thanks mainly to your descriptives of the booths, the bartenders borderline apathy, and of course the 'boiled cabbage' smell was quite disgusting.
You truly are an inspiration!

[Richard McLin]

Love the title, and the story is freak. I love writers with twisted imaginations, and that is what you have my friend.