Tucker's Inferno

Tucker’s Inferno

-          

-          

-        the idea that there are people who are completely certain

 as a matter of religious faith that there's no God

I just find it hilarious and, like, so childish. I just can't take it

 seriously.

-Tucker Carlson

 

Continuing on my journey

I heard sighs and lamentations, loud cries

Strange to utter, horrible pronouncements

And soon saw before me one in a bow tie

Chuckling, snickering, chortling

From him laughter poured forth like scorn from a demon

Without cause or end

And though trying to eat and drink

Each time he managed to raise a morsel of food or cup to his lips

A sputtering fit of guffaws would burst forth

And all fell away and was lost; neither could he eat nor drink.

 

‘Master’, I cried to my guide.  ‘Who is this beset by his own hilarity?’

In wisdom replied my master, ‘Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson’

‘Punished for so snooty a name?’ I demanded. 

This was my master’s reply: ‘No, my son. 

The heavens, that their goodness not be lessened

Have cast him out and torment him in this way

So that his impoverished imagination, his amusement at all thinking not his own 

Cause him to to be afflicted as you see

And in accordance with the precepts of the very God he envisions 

Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson will suffer for all eternity.’

 

I could not bear to see more and bade my guide continue our journey.