Calling All Patriots

Calling All Patriots

 

 “Attention Patriot-Mart shoppers.  In the face of society’s ongoing decline, you have remained patriotic and great Americans.  We salute you. 

 

That’s why for the next ten minutes only--on aisle nine--the following items are available at half the regular price: flamethrowers, breath mints, voter-fraud decoder rings, anti-vaccine wipes.

 

Patriots, have you considered what you would do if an atom bomb went off while you were getting a colonoscopy?  We’ve got you covered on aisle ten, where everything is available.  And we mean everything: galoshes, geraniums, gas masks, lithium, Viagra, tequila, tweezers, bandoliers, serapes, inflatable gallows, dialysis machines and Rockstar energy drink. 

 

Still clinging to your religion and your guns?  For a limited time, you can save your country on aisle four.  That’s aisle four.  Be sure to bring a major credit card.

You love America!  Certainly not its land, wildlife, schools, government, judiciary, media, entertainers, professional athletes, police or military leaders, but all that remains in its unbounded glory. 

 

So we’re now offering a patriots-only special at the low, low price of $19.95--that’s right $19.95 on aisle seven gets you the night vision goggles, the boogaloo bug-out bag and a case of red white & blue toilet paper which in the coming rising of the masses you can use to wipe your patriotic asses.

 

We know you have many ways to fulfill your end-of-days desires, so thank you for choosing Patriot-Mart.”

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

This is such a clever expose on our government which is not very much For the People.
Yet, we elect the crazies and then blame them.
WE need better choices.
Sure like this one.
j.

[Montag]

Thanks for commenting Jacob.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I really enjoyed this satirical look at our politics of today. Just yesterday I submitted my own chiding those who argue vehemently against political elitism, while ignorantly casting their vote for it by sending the elitist class to run the government and rob it blind. Which leads me to ask them cynically "So how is that protest vote of yours going?".Freedom isn't a right, it's something you have to work with vigilance to maintain. Voting is a right but as we see that is slowly being taken away. Indifference is a death to a democratic society. You get the government you vote for. Sending rich and affluent people to congress who only serve their own self interests is the oppitomy of ignorance in a voter who is poor and only making ends meet. Thank you for your humorous take on our descending democracy into plutocracy. Clean up on aisle four, we have another dumb Karen insurrection going on in that aisle, shoppers of color be aware. Hahaha.

[Montag]

You got it Carlos. Thank you.