Shattered Soul

I wait, and I wait, but she never comes back...

So far away you ran,

I had no way to keep track,

Every night I pray,

But you never come back.

My soul is torn,

My spirit shattered,

My heart is broken,

My love doesn’t matter.

I looked everywhere,

But you never came,

It almost seems,

As if I am to blame.

I can never watch the sunrise,

Without thinking of you,

I stare at the moon at night,

Wondering what I should do.

I break into fits of crying,

And I can’t stop shaking,

The shell of a man,

A corpse you are making.

At times I wait by the door,

In hopes of seeing you walk through,

I look through the albums,

And see so many pictures of you.

I would pick up the phone,

If only to hear your voice,

I only wish,

I had a choice.

Author's Note

(Note from Feb 2012): Haha, I am almost afraid to write this reflection, due to the many great reviews below! This is another one of my high school classics. I'm not even entirely sure what to say about it. To be honest, this was one of those poems I really didn't like when I first wrote it. I enjoyed writing it, don't get me wrong, but afterward, when I read it, something just didn't click right in my mind. I would later discover this was mainly due to my low confidence in my writing abilities at the time (as you probably noticed was alluded to in my other reflections). It pretty much took the first good review of this poem, by a friend of mine, to get it through my head that this wasn't bad. This, of course, was expanded upon by the great folks here on WritersCafe! I do very much enjoy the emotion and beauty in the piece, despite its dark cover. Please tell me what you all think! I appreciate any and all thoughts: critiques, suggestions, and analyses. Thanks :)

Reviews

[KayOss]

Beautiful. Absolutely. It's one of those things where you see the title and don't know what to expect, then are very pleasantly surprised. It's not that I didn't expect good writing; I clicked on the title hoping for it. It's just that I expected something dark and seriously depressing. While this poem has elements of both, the inherent beauty of the piece is the overriding feature here. The beauty of the language and of the way thoughts are expressed grasped me and I was pulled along.

The shell of a man,
A corpse you are making.

These are my favorite lines in this poem. Somehow, these lines seem to radiate both anguish and beauty. Maybe the way in which the anguish is expressed is beautiful? I don't know. I only know that I love these lines and I love this piece. Well done.

[Pointblank]

Funny - I was just going to mention my favorite lines in your poem when I read the previous review and they beat me to it! When you read good stuff you just know it. This is good stuff!

[Sarah]

The short lines in this poem work really well. I particularly loved the lines, "The shell of a man / A corpse you are making". Great job! ^_^

[Enigma]

Nice!!
I read it all the way through in a breath and truly enjoyed it.I know, I should've gone a bit slow, but I'm much too impatient...oops! I'm talking 'bout your poem here...
Ahem!I love the rhyme scheme.The feelings are beautifully expressed.The lines feel real sad and disappointed.Your choice of words is good; simple and yet so good.Sadly, my vocabulary is not that good...
In short, I really like it!!!
Keep Up The Good Work!!!!