6/22/17; 11/27/17

At my lowest, what I believed to be loved. In the present, what I know is real and good.

6/22/17

I wish it were easy to let go. I never knew you could feel this deeply about someone who wasn't family. I know that we're talking now but I don't anticipate it lasting long. How do you let go of your soul mate? It's been three and a half years since we first met. I knew that I loved you the same night I met you. Love like this does not come around often. I didn't know that when I met you or things would be different. I would have been different. Love can be how it is in the movies. You can feel that unbelievable happiness they show. What they don't show is that for just how good it can be, it can also be that bad. Or painful. And it is not easy. Loving someone that much and then going through something so tragic, like a miscarriage, makes that impossible. Any chance you ever had of it being easy, is gone. Not being with that person just feels numb. I feel for him when I least expect it. I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I feel it in my chest. Have you ever cried so hard you feel it in your soul? That sounds dumb unless you've felt it. Then you know the feeling exactly. I've felt that many times in my life. When my husband decided I wasn't enough for him. I wasn't enough for him to come home to. I wasn't enough for a text or call. I felt it when I almost lost my first child. I felt it when I did lose my second child. That feeling comes back a lot. Sometimes, I hold that pregnancy test and I curl into a ball on my bathroom floor and the feeling takes over. And lastly, I felt it for him. How can you be so sure that this person is it for you, but not know how to make it happen. What do you do with your life at that point. You make the most out of every other area of your life. Those make you happy. But nothing feels as bright as it once did. You try to meet someone else to make it ok. But nobody else can even come close.

11/27/17

I never believed I could be this happy. I always thought in the back of my mind that I would find someone someday who would make me realize that everything I've ever experienced was wrong. This person would effortlessly treat me the way I had always wished to be treated. This was always in the deepest recesses of my mind. Never thought to be a tangible possibility for my future. Simply a hopeful prospect for myself. And yet I found it. It is real. And I found it in a friend of many years. I've never felt this for another person before. I feel connected to him. Completely effortlessly. We just are. I am not afraid for him to see me. In fact, I want him to. What's more, I want to see him just as much as he wants to see me. Simply being in his presence and feeling his touch brings me the most fulfilling feeling of contentment. This is unlike any event I've experienced. What's funny is I was so wrapped up in the turmoil of a forgotten somebody. And the second I began with him, any unresolved feelings melted away. That is the only way I can think to describe it. They simply faded and I realized how utterly idiotic all those feelings were. I appreciate them because they've helped me become who I am but once you've experienced what it feels like to be truly loved, everything else fades to black. Leaving this one person illuminating your life.

Reviews

[KCthelastboyscout]

There's always hope. From a broken heart to a heart that's healed and full of love.well written and deservedly a happy ending