My world in the skies

If I start now,

It'll take me a few centuries,

To get to my world in the skies...

My world in the skies,

Where I can soar above all,

And where spring never ends...

It's all good there,

It's all pure and right,

It's my world in the skies...

My utopia, my bliss, my azure,

It's my world in the skies, 

Far away, a place to escape...

When life seems harsh,

I have my world, 

My world in the skies...

To hide in, to take refuge in,

It's my utopia, safe from all,

Where winters are rare...

My world in the sky...

Author's Note

Rough draft, idea by someone I know.

Reviews

[The dark story]

I like the concept…it reminded me of a japanese song…but anyway I liked that stanza:
"When life seems harsh, I have my world, My world in the skies..."…we do wish for such utopia of our dreams at some point …well…I do dream about it a lot these days…as it is too hard to live in this world of commotion…nice write though!!

[Moniba]

Jazakillah, Atiba :) Means a lot that a reader can relate to what I write.

[An owl on the moon]

Tenderly bittersweet is your longing here.. How it reminded me of the gentle song in Les Mis... Oh, to live in the clouds above the pain.

[Moniba]

That would be heaven ;)

[Michael G. Smith]

Repeition of the verse "my worlds in the skies" gives a clear meaning of how important this place is to your life.

[Moniba]

Hmm though I think the repitition is too much. Your opinion?

[Michael G. Smith]

I would be incline to think so, but like I said it relayed a desperation to me as the reader of its improtance to you. What I do when i write is try to find other phrases; words, descriptions that are similiar in the same meaning to limit reptition. Example beginning of second stanza "Such as a place so high" perhaps last line of third stanza "my own space beyond". I usaully reread my poems out loud to find that right rhythm. I do use a thesaurus but only as a last resort. I feel if you use it as a guide i think readers can tell. I'd like nothing more than to converse some more but my wife is wanting to go to the organic market.

[Moniba]

Thank you! Very much. This was very helpful. i'll keep it in mind :)

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

I love this, you have a great talent.

[Moniba]

I thank you :) it's good to be told that.

[Sourav]

Nice imagination... Well expressed.

[Dr. Wood ?]

doesn't need any more as far as I can see, most of us have this place of refuge...you describe yours quite eloquently

[Muhammad Qasim]

indeed... a parallel world only for you... figures!! above the skies... nice write but seems i have read it somewhere.. i'll make it in a few centuries :P

[Moniba]

................

[Muhammad Qasim]

you'r welcome! :)

[CS]

Overall, I think this is nicely done. I like the idea behind it very much and the sense of wonderment and longing it has left me with. The only recommendation I would make is that the repetition of "my world in the skies" is too much for me personally. It would leave a lot more to my imagination and flow better, I think, if you only said it once at the very end. Just my personal opinion of course, from one poet to another.

[Moniba]

Yes, I wondered if i'd overdone the use of that phrase. I'll make corrections. Thanks for the honest opinion :) much appreciated.