It was October
morning and about half the world was sound asleep or maybe even walking their
dog. It was morning‘s like this when I wished I had a dog. Outside the leaves
had begun to fall and were then carried away by the whispering winds. My eyes
drooped over my fatigued body as I curled up on the cracked pavement outside of
His apartment. He doesn’t know I’m out here. Sometimes out here is better than
being anywhere. It’s being out here where I dread to be, but the thought of
being elsewhere worries me with disgust.
Mama says He handles me this
way because He loves me. I wonder how
much love one person can give. We never did communicate in any way Mama and I.
The last thing I remember her telling me was something about getting a good
paying job and as I turned away she laughed.
I thought maybe she’d at least write a letter, but who am I kidding… its
Mama.
The light inside
of His room suddenly turns on. I have
five minutes, maybe less. Time is everything to me and I’ve mastered counting
twenty minutes in my head. I got to say I’ve gotten really good at it. I can’t
afford to be off a minute not even a second because the time never pauses. The
pain is never on mute and I am constantly reliving each day. I wake up to go to sleep, and I go to sleep
to wake up. That’s all I really look forward to each day. Oh, and maybe the
cornbread that I occasionally sneak into my mouth at around 8:15. At 8:15 He watches jeopardy and sometimes even
romantic movies from the 60’s. I quietly
tiptoe to my opened window where I’ve placed an old piece of wood as a surface
to support my weight. I slowly step on the wood and put one foot inside the
room. My exposed wound touches the cold glass and scrapes off some of my skin.
I quickly climb in and close the window. I’ve made it and have one minute left.
I can hear him walking in the next room as he mumbles to someone on the phone.
I’m not allowed to use the phone. Who would I call anyway, no one would care.
Sometimes I dream that Henry calls me asks me to go away with him. I tell him
yes with a half smile.
The footsteps get closer.
Well, it's evocative. The style is good and it's well-crafted, but it feels like I need just a little more to really understand what it is that I'm reading. I usually don't mind this kind of story, but I just want a little more and that probably says something for your skill.
I get impressions of a virtual prisoner returning from an illicit escape, a small victory over her (I think it's 'her') tormentor or tormentors. There's no real sense of achievement though, no feeling of getting one over on them, which gives it a bit of a depressing atmosphere. She seems to be defeated, rebelling for the sake of rebellion and gaining nothing.
In the end, it's a very sad piece. I think it could do with a little more context, but I accept that it's probably personal taste as much as anything else.
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Thanks so much for the review! Definitely a tormentor. Im still working on the rest of the story, Bu.. read moreThanks so much for the review! Definitely a tormentor. Im still working on the rest of the story, But will take up on your advise.
Well, it's evocative. The style is good and it's well-crafted, but it feels like I need just a little more to really understand what it is that I'm reading. I usually don't mind this kind of story, but I just want a little more and that probably says something for your skill.
I get impressions of a virtual prisoner returning from an illicit escape, a small victory over her (I think it's 'her') tormentor or tormentors. There's no real sense of achievement though, no feeling of getting one over on them, which gives it a bit of a depressing atmosphere. She seems to be defeated, rebelling for the sake of rebellion and gaining nothing.
In the end, it's a very sad piece. I think it could do with a little more context, but I accept that it's probably personal taste as much as anything else.
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Thanks so much for the review! Definitely a tormentor. Im still working on the rest of the story, Bu.. read moreThanks so much for the review! Definitely a tormentor. Im still working on the rest of the story, But will take up on your advise.
18.student.Latina.
I kinda have this goal that used to be a dream.
Wanna know something? All my life ive wondered why people do the things they do, the thing is... i dont want to wonder anymore i w.. more..