Web Journal Of Red Pill Coyote - March 17, 2022

BY THE UNLUCKY ALCOHOLIC SHOT OF THE IRISH! Yeah... Happy St. Patrick's Day I suppose... Didn't think I would be making an entry so soon. That dinner with my sister's family was covered in a lot of three leaf clovers if you know what I mean... But hey, if mom and my sister enjoyed it, good for them... Well, everything started off decently and delved into a spiritual cesspool. Lol... I go in there with my glowing shamrock head band. I am part leprechaun, so of course I have to take advantage of the situation.. I'm against most holidays besides this one.. And I asked one of the waiters if he could kiss me because I'm Irish. Lol. I don't think he understood that's a tradition of this day. It was a jack in the box none the less. My sister and everyone else arrived and I'm joking about radioactive leprechaun bones are growing out of my head and I give Jamie and Jenna their presents... Still making people laugh like a jester on house arrest. Then the table conversing started... Oh boy... HAHAHAHA!!! It was almost all stuff that I can't relate to. I mean I try to please mom by NOT TALKING ABOUT PIZZAGATE AND CONSPIRACY THEORIES. And it doesn't have to always be about those topics but they were just talking about jobs, cars and stuff I don't really have an interest in. A lot of it was very basic small talk.. And then they were just talking about how successful they all were getting and I can't help it, it made me insecure. GOING TO COLLEGE, GETTING AN AWESOME JOB, DOING THINGS WITH THEIR LIVES ect, ect. I can be happy for others. I just don't understand why I'm not allowed to go down that same path... I don't like not being able to do anything with my vacant life. So for a good portion of all this, I'm a mime. Like, I'm starting to get up in flames but I don't wanna have a meltdown and ruin my mom and sister's dinner. Especially my mom. But I seen where the little baby behind us dropped its toy and I picked it up for him, its family thanked me and as I was walking away, I yelled "LET'S GO BRANDON!". It was aimed at my family. I just got so f*****g tired of it. So, I just went outside and sat in the car until my parents came. I don't even think my sister's family even know how to start a conversation with me and I guess it's a voodoo doll effect. Lol. For years, I've noticed that they don't even ask me questions like how my parents will ask them questions. And so, it just really pisses me off that they really are our only social outlet... I remember even last year, when we'd all hang out on their porch, I would be bored out of my mind. I can definitely see where people would think I'm an introvert when hanging with my sister's family. Hanging out with my sister and her folks is just not for me.. I hate to say that... BUT HEY! I do hope that they enjoyed their presents that I personally bought them. I don't hate them. I just can't be around them for more than 15 minutes. It sucks because it's like everyone I know is close with their siblings... That's why I saw Pamela as a sister to me for a long time but she misinterpreted as me having a crush on her. BUT she has a real brother that she's on the same platform with. Sure, they don't live close but they're close by their heart particles. Ya know? So, I'm just left as the biggest lone wolf Wendigo. I would love it if me and Pam could just hang out like platonic friends but she's like everyone else around here... That's too much of a chore for her, I suppose... My sister and her family are far from bad people, they just irk me... And I do enjoy hanging out with Jacob when I get the chance, I just wish he was louder. But to show you how I'm never on the same topic as everyone else is. Back in first grade, my teacher was an angel in a human costume enough to buy us all toys. All the girls got dolls and all the boys got army men. Except for me. I got an alien. Lol. I actually really wanted a shrunken head  but where in the Hell are you going to find one of those in mundane Southern Ohio? I even told her that's what I wanted but hey, an alien will do fine. lol. 7 year olds. Am I right? But even as early as elementary school, I just didn't feel human and I'm still like that today and that's why I didn't like army men or human toys. It was almost all about werewolves, dragons, cyclops, and the like... In Kindergarten, I even thought I was an ogre because of Shrek. Lol. I think that might be why I ate that dead bug from a girl's lunch trey in 5th grade. I also did it because I actually thought it would get her to stop complaining. She didn't want the bug on her trey, so I THOUGHT I took care of the problem. Could be a "freudian slip"... It's funny because I would hardly ever eat lunch at school but I ate the insects... Can't tell if that's just how low quality the food was or I really am just not human. Can't really tell. Lol... 

Anyways, about an hour ago, I was screaming at my parents about how they put me on a throne of guilt for wanting to do something with my life... That's why I was MAINLY having a shut down mood at dinner. I was talking to them about wanting to join a play or a musical at Shawnee. They don't even want me doing that. It's asinine, really...