What they tell us…

A survivor’s poem of outrage

Be nice.

Be polite.

Be demure.

Be obedient.

Be compliant.

Don’t make a fuss.

Forgive and forget.

That’s just the way things are.

Make the best of it.

Don’t talk about it.

Grin and bare it.

Laugh it off.

Let it go.

Deal with it.

Shut up.

He was just a dumb kid.

He didn’t mean it that way.

You didn’t really mean “no” at the time.

Did you lead him on?

If he hadn’t been drinking, he would never have done that.

Why were you dressed like that?

What were you doing there?

If you hadn’t been there, it wouldn’t have happened.

Why didn’t you report it then?

Why are you bringing it up now?

Who put you up to this?

Why are you trying to destroy a good man?

Just shut up and take it.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and yet...here is that boy, all these years later...one who will be an important part of important decisions...and, oh well..boys will be boys...as they say.

there is so much wrong with what is going on today...your poem expresses the sentiment, perfectly.
j.

[MomzillaNC]

This has been a shattering conclusion. In a big way, it’s more shattering than election night 2016. This appointment if for the rest of his life –– a generation of women and minorities will be under assault by this “justice.”

[Sami Khalil]

"Make the best of it.
Don’t talk about it.
Grin and bare it.
Laugh it off.
Let it go.
Deal with it.
Shut up."

[MomzillaNC]

Yes, there are many oppressive turns of phrase to silence marginalized and abused people.

[Sami Khalil]

All true. You are welcome.

[Chris]

There is a lot of anger out here - justified for each and every circumstance awaiting depiction. Anger because we did or didn't get our way; because we disagree - or secretly agree but must hide our view.
Or by OUR choice made manifest because we BELIEVE in our righteousness whatever the IT is IT MUST BE! Ect., ect., ect.

There's also a lot of fear - FEAR that crosses years, decades, even lifetimes - fear of ridicule, fear about embarrassments, fears of being shamed for things each had no intent or control over ...things that happened - secret things - HURT-FULL and PERSONAL things. And some make choices and some don't and some have NO choices whatsoever.

BUT... Christianity proclaimed "let he without sin cast the first stone..." and we ALL are some RIGHTEOUS people- aren't we? 'Til we aren't.

There is no defense for some acts - none. But that is why people came to America BECAUSE everywhere else - and I do historically (EVEN NOW) mean everywhere - a person is GUILTY of ANY state-sponsored charge until proven innocent in most of the countries I DO know of or have first-hand seen... People were persecuted to DEATH (and even mutilations) for their beliefs, AND STILL ARE. Some countries charge the families for the bullets used to kill them - afterwards. I will NEVER belittle the importance of LISTENING to a person's accusation(s) BUT I can't condemn any other person just because it conveniently fits my assumption of their guilt without corroboration - of a REAL sort. Death is 'til we are returned for a final judging.

I hesitate to press submit - I really am, BECAUSE I'm not arguing politics... I AM speaking of what we are doing to ourselves and our own families in a rush of being angered by our own perceptions of our own lack of voice and control over what we feel is RIGHT but is anything ever RIGHT when it's done without really considering what we are doing?

Anyways, I liked the poem - it is real - has bite, and meaning.

Chris

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you, and thanks for your fulsome comment. On the general theme of American society and Christianity, yes, we could all be more forgiving and more understanding. I guess this poem could be read as a similar commentary.

However, it is a survivor’s poem – my own words of outrage over the kinds of things said to me, said to women I know in their own survivors’ experiences. And, it’s what this regime said to every woman and girl in the world with the shoddy way they rammed Kavanaugh through to a lifetime appointment deciding women’s and girls’ rights for equal justice… for the liberty and freedom promised to us all.

[Chris]

I DO understand the view... and respect the courage to stand up.... Both Kavanaugh AND Ford spoke under oath. If evidence EITHER lied (intentionally or otherwise) E V E R becomes open and proven each is liable under-the-law for perjury. The initially described act(s) were beyond time limits - Perjury is not. Only time will tell what happens.

I don't believe the violence of an assault is "forgettable" - unless one is under the influence of a substance OR an injury or both. Victims LIVE with it - forever, they survive as only THEY can.

And notice not ONCE here or above did I say "be forgiving" or turn-the-other-cheek. Nor did I say "be silent". But before tar-and-feathering be ready for the questioning.

He had a lifetime appointment to the other Court and had served for 12 + years. The same Committee approved him - the same way - back then - even the same "reports". The only thing new NOW was the written record of his Decisions + or minus on THAT Court and 12 further years of public and private life. The same in depth FBI investigations for his Clearances had been accomplished and reports were passed around.

I do wonder though - as part of the Clearance process to be next to the president (before he was on ANY Court) and to work within the White House as privileged staff he had to have multiple polygraphs - and having had a TS/SCI myself I DO know the range of questions routinely covered. It is NOT a short exam by ANY means. Multiple questionings include such questions dealing with the commission of crimes, lying, drinking issues, gambling and finances, sexual proclivities and activities and a number of other ...attention seeking faux-pas's. In the current administration's leaking atmosphere - evidence should appear before the midterms OR whenever the powers-that-are-best-served get around to broadcasting it. We can only await.

[MomzillaNC]

One of the most disturbing things about the so-called FBI background checks he went through so many times, is that they don’t seem to have ever pursued his student life – neither undergrad nor high school. His college roommate said the FBI had never interviewed him. In fact, many former associates of Kavanaugh’s said the FBI would not take their statements. The “FBI background check” should be codified so that no requesting party asking for a check can control or limit its scope or veracity.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I am tired of hearing these excuses for guys violent actions towards women. Your poem is simple in form but powerful in its message.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you.

I feel shattered by that confirmation and their victory laps. Most women and survivors feel that way. It’s really bad… maybe worse than the 2016 election. But, I find hope in thinking about what happens to the person standing in front of a shattering window or wall…

[Einstein Noodle]

a political hot potato Mom :{ i believe her as much as i believe him .. the whole situation is tragic .. respect for the rule of law is so important ... Dr. Ford is believable but has no corroboration from her own witnesses ... so something traumatizing, in my opinion has happened in her life ... we are still innocent until proven guilty can not be mistaken for taking an attitude of maligning the plaintiff ...so many things should have been done in this case that were twisted to one political advantage or another ...so tragic and so sad .. the good part is that the abuse of power and abuse of women in all walks of life is center stage once again ... men and women need to fear treading there ... sex is a strong motivator ... being old fashioned about it is perhaps not so old fashion after all :( dramatic presentation with the font and color changes .. closing red is a power punch ... the sarcasm loud and clear and social commentary stark ... well said Momzilla ...
E.
ps. re-read your "About Me" ...touches me heart that your son speaks of "mom" in such a way .. :)

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you.

As for no corroborating witnesses, what about all the people came forward to share their eyewitness testimony of seeing Kavanaugh blind drunk, acting belligerently and sexually aggressive on numerous occasions? What about his own entries in his own yearbook about abusive drinking activities and aggressive sexual behaviors -- things he lied about under oath… things easily proven to be lies just by Googling them… things his best buddy wrote about his own addiction fueled behaviors… things about which numerous of his then contemporaries contradicted him. What about the two other women who offered their testimony of his alcohol-fueled abusive sexual behavior.

More than 40 people came forward to offer supporting testimony, some of them even presenting themselves to their nearest FBI offices -- the Judiciary Committee refused to speak with them. The FBI refused to take their statements. The FBI did not even interview either Dr. Ford or Kavanaugh. They interviewed only NINE people. They followed up on NO additional leads.

This is not and never was a case of “he said, she said.” This is a case of “he said, she said… then, she said and she also said, then they said, then they said and they said, then they tried to say to FBI.” In reality, it is a case of he said, and over 40 people said.”

But, sure… it’s totally logical [NOT] to give HIM the benefit of the doubt too.

I’m sorry, but it’s just not logically possible to believe Dr. Ford, but to disbelieve Ramirez and Sweatnick, and the over 40 possible witness practically begging to give their testimony supporting the women’s cases –- AND to believe Kavanaugh.

I could accept that Kavanaugh might not remember such incidences under the effects of such blackout drunken conditions. I cannot accept that he never heard tales of his behavior. I cannot accept that EVERYONE was mistaken or lying about his character and behavior back then while blind drunk. It defies credulity.

But, none of that matters, in the final determination for a seat on the SCOTUS. Kavanaugh proved himself to be, by every rubric in American history, to be completely unqualified to be a judge on any court, let alone on the highest court in the land -- FOR LIFE! His scripted performance -- for an orange audience of one -- at the last hearing was wholly disqualifying. He perjured himself. He was angry and weepy by turns. He displayed rank partisanship. He insulted and berated the democrats questioning him. He threatened retribution. He proved himself to be a venal, conspiracy-theory nutjob.

[Einstein Noodle]

:( ..................

[Sami Khalil]

We do hear that all the time they become cliche going around the populace. Very clever collection of things.

[MomzillaNC]

These are the words inflicted on girls and women all the time. These words are the message the GOP just handed down to women for generations to come.

[Sami Khalil]

I see. You are right. Not good at all...