Something Wicked Stalks the Light

My first Halloween offering this year

Nighttime walk down a lonely city street

Trailed by the echoing of another’s feet

Electric street lamps sizzling, a flickering

Create fluid shadows dancing, snickering

In the gloom… something wicked stalks the light

prowling in the shadows… just beyond sight.

Just there… right out the corner of your eye

Something formless… something undefined you spy

Creeping closer… closer… yet still unseen

Slithering… shambling… murmuring… obscene

Dark malevolence dwells in the darkness

You hear in the shadows a susurus

An itch prickles between your shoulder blades

Your small courage so very quickly fades

Breath catching… you gasp… “Breathe” you tell yourself

Walking ever faster, you hope for help

The steps behind speed up… keep pace with you

With a loud clomp, stomp, scramble… what to do?

Don’t look deep… don’t peer into the shadows

Or you’ll be lost… forever lost in fear’s throes

A light… gasp… right there… up ahead… just goes out

Shadows in blackening gloom there now sprout

In the dark, shadowed depths, blazing red eyes 

Feeding off the terror in your fear’s rise

A sudden turning taking you away

From that lonely path where those shadows play

by D. Denise Dianaty

Reviews

[realmwriter]

I'd say it's pretty spooky. Ray Bradburyesk. But I do believe only in the title. Makes me of course, think of "Something Wicked This Way Comes" But it is very Poe. My favorite of all Bards even more than the greatest Shakespeare himself.

"A sudden turning taking you away
From that lonely path where those shadows play"

Might I add on from here?

Very well done I must say.

[Samuel Dickens]

Heh-heh, this is scary fun. I nearly wee-weed. Now I'm in the Halloween spirit!

[MomzillaNC]

LMBO! Thank you very much!

[RAOrourke]

love love love the pace and rhyming that bring you into the apprehension of what is to come! Electric street lamps sizzling, a flickering
Create fluid shadows dancing, snickering

Your words create brilliant imagery! Nice job!

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you very much.

[MomzillaNC]

Sorry! I'd like to get to know you a bit more before I accept a friend request.

[RAOrourke]

oh that's ok, I just always send friend requests to writings I've enjoyed, so I can review more,(I do a lot of reviews on this site) that is all that is in the friendship request since it's just a writers working site...but not a problem.

[MomzillaNC]

That's cool. I usually go and read more of someone's work before I accept a friend request. But, you works are all books and my old eyes just cannot read more than one or two chapters onscreen a day! I did read one of your stories and review it just now. It left me with lots of after-images! Presbyopia does weird things to your vision; sucks ta get old!

[RAOrourke]

I know about getting old! lol! The one you read was my attempt at making a novel I'm working on into a short story. I think I am better at novels then short stories oh well!

[MomzillaNC]

I have a novelist friend that struggles with that same issue -- she cannot write a short story to saver herself! All her short stories end up beginning chapters of a novels.

[RAOrourke]

I just can never figure out how to get everything packed into such a small amount...oh well, I guess I will just keep working on my novels...have a great day!

[R Smith]

nicely spooky and creepy, very much the fears we can create in the dark with shadows dancing to heartbeats tune, I do believe i've lived that moment when your thinking its too dark and creepy here then suddenly you turn into a well lit path and fears fly away as though the dark thing won't dare to follow, great poem reviving some dark memories thank you haha :)

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you very much.

[MomzillaNC]

Did you see where I edited the poem for a better rhythm in the meter?

[R Smith]

loved the edit, its a real winner :)

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks. David Lewis Paget recommended the changes.

[Unknown]

Great attempt! I would love to see more of your spooky... :)

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. I'm planning to try my hand at more. This is actually the my first deliberate attempt at spooky. I think it's really more creepy than spooky, though. :D

[Unknown]

Haha, creepy is sometimes better than spooky. ;)

[MomzillaNC]

True. "Creepy" sticks with you longer… I think "creepy" touches close to reality.

[MomzillaNC]

I edited this one for better meter.

[Unknown]

It wasn't necessary, but I like this version, too... :D

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. I took the advice of David Lewis Paget -- whose works are usually flawless when it comes to meter.

[Unknown]

Well, yes, I appreciate those kind of critics, but I, for example, prefer the freedom of expression. What comes in your mind, must be noted as it is, for it loses its original meaning... or, rather, it changes the perspective. And the artist's mind is always the priority! :D

[MomzillaNC]

That's the way I write most of my stuff.

[hardeep sabharwal]

suspense was good but imagery is more than good,, a nice read here,, thanks

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you.

[MomzillaNC]

I edited the poem to improve the meter.

[Rene Salinas]

I am afraid I failed at the original intention in this writing. Not only do I not find it spooky at all I find the shadow descriptions very attractive and enticing. I am not one to avoid them and certainly in the context of comparison to oneself. As halloween may be perceived only as an external celebration, then through the walk of inner places most of this fellings expressed here are aslo present. Something wicked that stalks the light? Yes I have felt it and wondered many times. Creeping closer yet still obscene? Oh yep! So when it got to don't look deep ino the shadows in made me sad. Please do look very deeply into them and see what's here so that you may find a way to shed light onto them. See the writing even acknowedges that shadows are lonely hence the light will keep them company. On a more boring and technical side there are a few moments were stopping and rereading where required in order to make the words fit could have just been just me or there could be something within the structure and rhythm. I always tend to think that technical issues get ironed out eventually so a comment bordering on the irrelevant.

Poor shadows!

Thankyou

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you for your thorough review. This is actually the first time I've tried to deliberately write dark and spooky. I think it's more creepy than spooky. As for the meter, I've read it through aloud several times and am pleased with the flow -- I read it with a metronome. IKWYM about examining the shadows, about exposing them to the light. But, when we're gripped by fear and losing the light, the last thing most humans are inclined to do is to examine the shadows. Shadows, I think, are more likely to trigger the flight response if light and safety are to be found just around a corner.

[Rene Salinas]

Sorry I dsagree it is an integral part of me far from spooky or terryfying I have learned to love it part of my mental sanity has been at stake several times in my life if it wasn't for my shadows .....

[MomzillaNC]

I don't disagree with your point of view. I just recognize the common tendency in people for the other view.

[MomzillaNC]

I edited the poem to improve the meter.

[Lady Glitter]

Love this, "Electric street lamps sizzling, flickering
Creating fluid shadows dancing, snickering...." The word "snickering" on a night like that is so scary! Lol. This poem is very suspenseful. I was almost sorry at the quick escape. I wanted to see what it was that was approaching :O

What in the world is "susuruss?" Reminds me of Jason!

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. I was rather pleased with that term "snickering" myself. :D Susuruss is a low murmuring sound.

[MomzillaNC]

BTW: I misspelled it; the correct spelling is s-u-s-u-r-u-s

[R Smith]

Hi I believe a susurruss is a soft murmuring or rustling sound; just thought i'd throw that in :)

[MomzillaNC]

That's correct Richard. But, as Noel pointed out, I misspelled it; there're no double letters in the dictionary spelling. It just seems like it should be spelled that way, though! :D

[Lady Glitter]

When I pronounced it it sounded like that noise that is made when Jason is near in Friday the 13th :D

[MomzillaNC]

That's exactly right… scary noise!

I just edited the poem for a better meter.

[R Smith]

oh yeah! loved those movies especially the first and best

[Lady Glitter]

@Richard The first "Jason" was the best, of course. Also the one where the poor guy in the wheelchair careens backwards down the steps. And the one where in the barn Jason's face is sliding down the blade of that machete. Ugh!!! So gross!!!

@MomzillaNC I liked how the word obscene used, and reference to the loss of what little courage you had, lol.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you.

[NoelHC]

The suspense built nicely, and the images came to me readily, well written.

Susurrus is spelled with two r's, and one s on the end.
That is all I would change

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you very much. And, oops! I guess in trying to get the sound of that hissing sort of murmur, I got carried away with the spelling. I'll fix that immediately.

[MomzillaNC]

I edited the poem for better meter.

[NoelHC]

I don't see where the changes were made, but it does seem to flow better now. Subtle, but effective.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. I expanded some of the lines to make them 10 syllables.

[Lyn Anderson]

I think it is very good. Nice suspense build, and leaves you wondering.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. :D

[MomzillaNC]

I edited the poem to conform to the meter.

[Lyn Anderson]

I like it, with or without conformity, but in this type of poem it probably works better this way.

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks. I think you're right; it works better for the creepy or spooky stuff to be set in a well defined rhythmic meter -- driving the piece like a heartbeat out synch.